1 mo

Should I contact my former bullier?

I have been thinking about this question for a while now. I was with him in class from the age of 10 until 15. I am now 18 years old and I still feel anger when I think about him. And I would really like to get rid of it. In order to understand my point of view I would like to explain what had happened.

I know that I do not have the right to complain. There are people out there who had to go through more serious stuff and it is crazy that I still think about it. This is also why I want a closure. First of all I am mixed with dark skin and curly hair. I grew up in Europe in a small town, where I obviously did not fit in. I didn't really notice that until he transferred...

The first thing that he did was call me names. The one that he used the most was the N-Word in our language. In our language it only has one meaning and he was fully aware of what it meant. I still have problems when people around me say it and in my head I see the image of him laughing and pointing at me. Then my heart starts to beat faster and I start to sweat. He also mad fun of my hair which is why never wore my hair open no matter how much it hurt. He also made fun of other parts of my budy but I will not further comment those, beacuse the other things didn't happen on a weekly base. When we went away on a excursion he and his friend used to flip a bottle and when it landed on me they would make noises and disgusted faces. There were of course more instances but i think those are enough.

I really hated him. I still do but there is one more thing that you need to know. Something that makes me hate myself even more than him: I kind of loved him. I had all the symptoms but i still denied it and lied to myself. I did everything to avoid him but since we were so diffrent our teachers always thought that it would be great if we worked in the same groupe. That was pure torture.

I think he still lives in my city. I have his number and if I were to text him id say that his actions had hurt me deeply...
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1 mo
What would I text him?
I would like to tell him that his actions hurt me a lot and that i hope that he has grown up and realised that his behaviour was unacceptable and that he is not doing this to others anymore (I wasn't the only one).

I am hoewer scared that he might send the text to other people and make fun of me.

But he wasn't always an asshole to me. But then again that was when people were listening. You can say that he was kind of two-faced.
Should I contact my former bullier?
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