How am I supposed to deal with this?

I met the most beautiful girl about five years ago while I was travelling in Greece, and I fell deeply for her. She brought a special kind of happiness into my life, which was more or less dull and empty before. I really hoped that she lived near where I lived, so I could see her more often. It turned out that she lived almost halfway around the Earth from me. But we still ended up falling for each other, and we decided that we would be girlfriend and boyfriend (I know, that was a great idea). So, I started working tirelessly, just to see her again, to pay for a ticket so I could travel to her. She lived with her parents who don't particularly like me very much, but she somehow managed to convince them to let me stay there. We travelled back and forth for one another, which wasn't really without it's negative effects.
In our time together we got to know each other better, and it only made me love her more. I also came to learn that she got depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts from time to time. I helped her in every way I could and practically begged her to get professional help, which she did for a while. I wanted her to be my wife one day. I saw my future in her eyes. Everything seemed to be getting better until around November last year, then I never heard from her again, she had blocked me on every messaging app we used to communicate, I got no reply from any of her friends, either. Anyway, I received a letter from her in early January this year which said that she had taken her own life, and not to cry for her. She killed herself.
I'm lost. She taught me how to feel and showed me love and happiness. But now she's just gone, and I didn't even get to hold her or tell her how much I loved her one last time.
I'm sorry for the long post, but I just needed to get this story out. I know I probably need to go to a therapist and I am going. Any advice would be appreciated.
1 y
I love you, Ana. I hope you have peace have peace wherever you are.
How am I supposed to deal with this?
Add Opinion