I feel like I rely too much on my thoughts and that's why emotionally I don't trust myself lol. When I'm drunk or so I do stupid things because I'm not in control so I feel like I should act on emotion more often to learn wtf I'm doing and mature or something like that. I'll probably have to go through a bunch of suffering to achieve that. Or maybe I'll never be able to trust myself enough to just let go I don't know. I feel like if I do that it's like letting go of a elephant on a playground I have no clue what's gonna happen and people could get hurt it's kinda scary to have that responsibility but no control. But it has to happen at some point.