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Hate myself too
See a therapist for a bit then get back to this question
2 years ago I was deployed overseas away from family and I barely had communication with them. I had no friends. I was raped and abused in the military and I tried to commit suicide twice. I was emotionally exhausted and I also didn’t know what was worth living for anymore I felt empty like a shell. But when I felt like the world wouldn’t give me a chance I decided to give myself a chance. There’s so much out there to live for and you can’t expect it to be handed to you. You deserve happiness and you shouldn’t live miserably, you shouldn’t hate yourself either. You can’t blame yourself for the hurt that you’ve experienced that has made you think the way you do. It’s your life and you have to give yourself a reason.