How do you be assertive so people don’t walk all over you?

Question

I’m relatively shy and very passive aggressive more passive than aggressive if you ask me lol; I’m trying to work things out with my mom and I don’t know how to stand my ground when she starts yelling I just shit my eyes n go to my happy place. And I know we’re not going to get any better if we don’t talk n I feel like if I could just speak up a little more then maybe she would hear me n we could talk. What should I do. How do I talk to my mom?

Updates:

13 d

I do.

13 d

Well did I got kicked out not to long ago but I finally got my own place

Answer 1

zollo | 61 opinions shared on Other topic.

Xper 7

You live on your own already? That's crazy! How are you able to live on your own? Like where does the money come from? And what is it you're wanting to talk to her about that's making her so angry? You can PM me if you want to talk in private.

Curiousbabe22

13 d
I work for a call enter in Dallas my grandpa helped me find the place when I got kicked out. Our relationship how she is as a mother like I want a mom not a homegirl. I want to be held n kissed n loved not hit yelled at n kissed on when drunk.
zollo

13 d
Oh yeah, I get that. Was she a young mother? Young moms can be like that sometimes for many reasons. Does your grandpa not live anywhere nearby? Since your 17 I'm assuming you still go to school so is the call center part time?
Curiousbabe22

13 d
No when I was 15 I was pulled out of school n thrown into a treatment center and when I was released I was sent back and when I was released again she refused to enroll me again I tried asking my grandpa aunts and cousins they all tried but she had to be the one to do it so no I’m not in school the call center is full time and my mom lives with her parents.
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zollo

12 d
The whole situation is fucked up, there's so many problems and the main solutions all have to do with your mom unfortunately. Since your not 18 yet I thought the school or state would be after you for not attending. For all what you've said it honestly doesn't seem like you'll be able to get through to your mother. She doesn't seem to be in a good state right now and arguing with her seems to do nothing but stress you out. Does your mother have a job?

Answer 2

Curiousbabe22

I work for a call enter in Dallas my grandpa helped me find the place when I got kicked out. Our relationship how she is as a mother like I want a mom not a homegirl. I want to be held n kissed n loved not hit yelled at n kissed on when drunk.

Answer 3

zollo

Oh yeah, I get that. Was she a young mother? Young moms can be like that sometimes for many reasons. Does your grandpa not live anywhere nearby? Since your 17 I'm assuming you still go to school so is the call center part time?

Answer 4

Curiousbabe22

No when I was 15 I was pulled out of school n thrown into a treatment center and when I was released I was sent back and when I was released again she refused to enroll me again I tried asking my grandpa aunts and cousins they all tried but she had to be the one to do it so no I’m not in school the call center is full time and my mom lives with her parents.

Answer 5

zollo

The whole situation is fucked up, there's so many problems and the main solutions all have to do with your mom unfortunately. Since your not 18 yet I thought the school or state would be after you for not attending. For all what you've said it honestly doesn't seem like you'll be able to get through to your mother. She doesn't seem to be in a good state right now and arguing with her seems to do nothing but stress you out. Does your mother have a job?

Answer 6

Ally247 | 486 opinions shared on Other topic.

Yoda

I'm just naturally assertive. I give people once chance, that's it. It comes from knowing your worth. Once you start loving yourself, you don't let anyone hurt you.

Curiousbabe22

13 d
I love myself I just hate confrontation n ik it sounds dumb but I’d rather be uncomfortable to make someone comfortable if it meant no yelling
Ally247

13 d
It doesn't sound dumb that's relatively common, but you have to realise that things won't change unless you confront. Communication can change everything. Short term yeah, it will be uncomfortable for you, but long term it will reap more benefits
Curiousbabe22

13 d
I never thought of it that way... thank you. 🤍
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Ally247

13 d
Best of luck

Answer 7

Curiousbabe22

I love myself I just hate confrontation n ik it sounds dumb but I’d rather be uncomfortable to make someone comfortable if it meant no yelling

Answer 8

Ally247

It doesn't sound dumb that's relatively common, but you have to realise that things won't change unless you confront. Communication can change everything. Short term yeah, it will be uncomfortable for you, but long term it will reap more benefits

Answer 9

Curiousbabe22

I never thought of it that way... thank you. 🤍

Answer 10

Ally247

Best of luck

Answer 11

OutdoorsForLife

Xper 6

Wait for her to calm down and then ask if she has time to talk about it. Tell her you love her and want to explain your thoughts so she understands you

Curiousbabe22

13 d
What if she yells some more i really hate yelling it gives me panic attacks n it gets hard to focus n hear her so I just go to my happy place so I can at least breathe
OutdoorsForLife

13 d
Sorry you feel like that. If she gets worked up again and yells simply tell her you will be in your room until she wants to talk.
OutdoorsForLife

13 d
You must spend lots of time in your room?
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Curiousbabe22

13 d
I do.. well did; before she kicked me out. I stay alone now n miss her but she doesn’t what to talk. My dad doesn’t want anything to do with me n I just want to feel loved and appreciated. I guess I’m asking for to much
OutdoorsForLife

13 d
Everyone needs attention and love, you are not asking for too much. Must be a long story to move out like that. Sucks she does that and can’t be mature
Curiousbabe22

13 d
She’s not n it sucks yk like I feel like I’ve been robbed of my youth in a sense but I don’t say anything cause when I do I’m playing the victim and not taking responsibility for my actions cause if I did I wouldn’t see what she’s doing ig is her logic behind it but I just smile n nod.

Answer 12

Curiousbabe22

What if she yells some more i really hate yelling it gives me panic attacks n it gets hard to focus n hear her so I just go to my happy place so I can at least breathe

Answer 13

OutdoorsForLife

Sorry you feel like that. If she gets worked up again and yells simply tell her you will be in your room until she wants to talk.

Answer 14

OutdoorsForLife

You must spend lots of time in your room?

Answer 15

Curiousbabe22

I do.. well did; before she kicked me out. I stay alone now n miss her but she doesn’t what to talk. My dad doesn’t want anything to do with me n I just want to feel loved and appreciated. I guess I’m asking for to much

Answer 16

OutdoorsForLife

Everyone needs attention and love, you are not asking for too much. Must be a long story to move out like that. Sucks she does that and can’t be mature

Answer 17

Curiousbabe22

She’s not n it sucks yk like I feel like I’ve been robbed of my youth in a sense but I don’t say anything cause when I do I’m playing the victim and not taking responsibility for my actions cause if I did I wouldn’t see what she’s doing ig is her logic behind it but I just smile n nod.

Answer 18

Massageman | 2K opinions shared on Other topic.

Master

Read "Take your life back" by Arterburn and Stoop.
It's not an easy read, but it's worth it in the end.

How do you be assertive so people don’t walk all over you?

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