Why are we mean to someone we like a lot?

I'm sure not all of you are like that (thank god!) but I've noticed that I used to be mean to guys that I went crazy for.

like when he asked me when he'd see me again I'd say "probably sometime in the next 5 years". or I'd say stuff like "Spanish guys kiss better than you ;P"maybe to hurt him or his eg? I really i don't know why I did these stupid things because I really liked him. thank god I hardly ever do it anymore.

does anyone have an explanation for this stupid behavior ? and how many of you have done this before?
Updates:
*his ego

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends how your'e saying it. 90% of communication isn't just the words but your body language and your tone of voice. Sounds like you're just being playful to me.

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  • I'm seeing a few harsh comments directed your way, but I feel your intent wasn't to hurt anyone really.

    Look back and see if you can recall what you were feeling when you acted like that.

    Because, see, I can relate to doing something like that when I was younger. When girls would ask me out, I would either assume it was some sort of prank by the snobs, or I would feel like I'm not "allowed" to show interest, because my health class last period told me that was "sexualization" and "objectification".

    Either way, I felt I wasn't "supposed" to just straight up respond with how I felt, so I would quickly come up with a smartass remark to deflect my feelings.

    So if you look back, you probably responded like that because you knew someone would give you a hard time for admitting a crush, or you felt responding directly would make you "easy", or something along those lines. You felt like there was a wall keeping you from stating your feelings, but your heart was already racing, and you were dropping IQ points like hot rocks, so you reflexively blurted something out to avoid the confrontation.

    But again, that would depend on if you can remember how you felt at that moment.

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    • wow I think I just found out what it was thanks to your answer! it's really contradicting though. I'm only afraid of them (the guy who showed interest and asked me to meet). I'm afraid that when I see him again he won't like me anymore. and that I become boring as soon as he knows I like him..

    • good answer

  • No, I haven't done that behavior before. It sounds like you wanted to fail in your relationships at one time, perhaps due to some insecurity on your own, but then wanted to blame the guys to make yourself feel better for not facing whatever it was you were fighting for. At least you've recognized this is self-destructive behavior and stopped it. There's teasing, and then there's being just plain rude.

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  • The guy I like used to be mean to me back in high school but I doubt he liked me. he was just stupid I guess.

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    • yea I think guys do this less often than girls :-/ you deserve better!

  • It's a way for you to communicate with him, and be in his presence...while at the same time hiding your true feelings about him...by over-compensating with bitch behavior.

    All due to immaturity of being unable to express your true feelings like a mature person.

    Sadly, some people take until their mid 20s and up to grow out of this! :-X

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  • it's deffinately a way that we show that we like someone because I have done it to. and you just don't know how to behave or act around the guy you like because you're nervous.

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  • It's because you think you're being superior and funny by being a jerk. Not gonna lie sometimes it's funny since I make some good smart ass comments myself. Set aside, being mean is a way people express their hidden, inner feelings towards the person, and it's their way to communicate and keep the conversation going, because most likely, you say something back if someone is being mean.

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  • There's no "we" in this question, it's probably "you"

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    • i'm quite sure I'm not the only girl who does/did this

    • This reminds me how little kids, under the age of 10 act when this happens - little boys pull girls' hair and push them around - this is the way how they show their sympathies, girls aren't much different in this matter.

      Maybe you're still there...

  • I guess it's because we want to hide our feelings for them and feel that the best way to do it is to be mean lol.

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  • You did them because you were immature and didn't know how to handle your emotions.

    That is why many people at that age act that way- immaturity and inexperience.

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  • I think it's to lower his self esteem so he seems more available to you since he is "lower" than you.

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    • Which is just as wrong as when a man tells a woman she's ugly to do the same thing. THIS IS ABUSE.

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    • This happens, but I doubt it happens in the case of crushes.

      For instance, I do this if someone is riding their high horse too long. Girls who say "You can't handle me because I'm too hot." Usually makes me want to say "You'd be hotter if you didn't get fat." or some BS like that just to remind her she isn't better than anyone. Regardless of how hot I think she actually is.

      But if it's a crush, this basically never happens. Keeping them around is more important than bringing them to your level

    • hmm not really. I mean I do it with snobs too, but also with my crush I did that

  • If I'm interested in someone, why would I be mean to them? Doesn't make sense.

    I might tease them in a friendly way, but not be mean to them.

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    • and you'd consider my examples in the description mean?

    • Personally, I wouldn't but depending on someone's sense of humor or personality, the mileage might vary.

  • Stupid behavior usually stems from stupid people.

    See what I did there ?

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  • You're abusive and you're pushing away people you like. Whether you're doing it for your own pride (or lack thereof) or not, you are an abuser.

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    • we get it, you think she's a bitch. The question wasn't if she is or isn't, so why bother? Also, what she was doing was unintentional (granted mean, but nevertheless unintentional) and she worked on her problem meaning she actually cared to be good. We all make mistakes and do bad things every now and then, but that doesn't make us bad people.

    • The questions were, "why is she doing it?" and "who else does it". The wording of her message leads me to believe she thinks a fair amount of people are this way, and that's it's just a personality quirk rather than something actually wrong with her.

    • dude, I think you need to chill

  • hahaha sometimes I do that so ill feel better ? So I don't sounds desperate ? Cause I know this guy that I like don't like me back lol

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  • To see if they care. Being mean provokes emotions, emotions that tell us if someone likes us.

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  • I do this, I'll admit it. I tease the guy I like a lot. I call him by a nickname he doesn't like (not a bad name or an insult, but a typical nickname for his actual name that he doesn't actually go by), I tease him about the fact that he's never had a girlfriend, I joke about his lack in singing ability (because he thinks he can sing but he can't, and just because you play guitar while singing doesn't mean that's a reasonable excuse), and I throw in any cheap shots whenever I could find them.

    Part of the reason is that we're friends, and I've teased him like that since before I liked him and I thought he would definitely know I like him if I stopped all of a sudden.

    I have another theory as to why we girls do this, and it's not very nice. I, at least, like to tease him about stuff because I like to see how he reacts to me teasing him in comparison to other people. If he treats my words differently than other peoples', then he might like me. I don't know, though.

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  • Sounds like you might just be a bitch...

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    • No I'm not

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    • You asked why you're being a bitch to someone you like... sounds like you're shutting down, trying not to let yourself be vulnerable to someone who most likely is letting himself be vulnerable to you.

      That means you're being a bitch, and it's exactly why guys turn to a**holes (exhibit A: my tone).

    • He didn't open up to me at all. Never

  • Sounds like flirty banter to me.

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  • We like the one that treats us differently

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  • i don't know I ended up doing that too without consciously thinking about it...and then the after thought would be like DAMN WHY DID I DO THAT? NOOOOO I LIKE HIM I DONT WANT HIM TO HATE ME :(

    but yea I think it just comes from nervousness when I deeply like a guy I just get nervous and panic and do dumb things or I turn defensive because I'm scared he will find out how much I'm crazy about him...also because we are insecure about our feelings for him and in my mind, I think he would never like me so I have to be tough and show I don't like him either by being mean

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  • I never am and your question is gold. I'm guessing maybe it's to see how much affect the mean person/s in question has on the person they like. Or maybe it's to hide their they like the person they like. But that just doesn't make any sense does it? I think it's a conspiracy started long long ago. It's childish really.

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  • As a Spanish guy, I agree with your statement about kissing.

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    • haha that's not the point of the question!

    • It is a good point nevertheless

    • ;)

  • i'm not like that...

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  • pf course there are other girls like that. youve found one of them. I'm 41 years old and still act like that. I don't know why, I think it might be a defense mechanism in order to protect ourselves. an let me tell you there are men out there my age that can act the same way. I wish I could overcome it like you have. what's your secret? :)

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    • i met a super charming guy who made me stop thinking

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