He's older than me.. What do I do?

Right, I know you can't answer that, only I can. But opinions and advice would be nice :)

Basically, I'm 22 and he's about 40. It sounds awful, I know. He has kids too.. But his marriage isn't great at all and they're breaking up.

We work together and get on really well. I never thought of it as anything other than a friendship - we'd always just taken the mick out of each other and had a laugh! - but for various reasons I was upset about something and it was him I ended up crying to him and then I realized that actually, he's a genuinely lovely guy.

I'm worried that I'm starting to like him too much.. And the way he cut a certain conversation short the other day makes me wonder if he's thinking the same thing.

Is 18 years too big a gap? And the fact the he has kids and I don't want any..

There was a 17 years difference between my grandparents and they did okay!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Tread carefully. Married older man "connecting" with a 22 year old is most likely for sexual reasons. It's easy for him to relate to you because he was your age.

    I hear about older men in their 40's lieing about their ages online trying to contact younger girls all the time. There is no long term potential.

    If anything, him seeing you crying gave him a chance to comfort you to build up your emotions for him intentionally. Guys know that repeatedly asking open ended questions to keep girls talking builds up feelings for them. It's one of the tricks players use to get girls into bed with them and then drop contact with them.


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What Girls & Guys Said

  • If your grandparent's time, the girls were likely just sold or married off to a family friend regardless of age and the girls were taught to stick by their man no matter what. You should really use them as an example of what may happen in modern society. In my opinion, 18 years is too large of a gap. I mean, what would you have in common besides sex? And he's basically your father's age. It's a bad idea in MY opinion.

    • In* Shouldn't*

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    • I'm sure there are 22-27 year old guys who could provide the same company though. It's not my place to tell you what to do. If you feel like you could be in a relationship then that's your prerogative. As long as you're fine with it, he's fine with and you're both fine with society shunning you :P

    • Haha, everyone thinks I'm weird anyway, so that's nothing new!

      Meh, don't know why I'm worrying anyway.. We both finish for the season in a few weeks and he's not going back next year, so it's not like I'll see him again anyway.. I'll get over it lol

  • They "are breaking up" - why does this ring warning bells to me ? So is he married and living with his wife / partnered?

    • Yep, me too. Wouldn't go there at all unless they were definitely 100% broken up. At the moment I think he's just there for the kids =/ Which is nice and awkward because I wouldn't want him to leave them because of me!

      Logically, I know I shouldn't get involved, but we just have a connection I guess which isn't something you have a choice in! Lol

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