Why do girls think this about nice guys?

That almost all of them are secretly a**holes? If you think nice guys are secretly a**holes, then you missed the entire concept of what an actual nice guy is.

A nice guy is, well, a nice guy.

If an a**hole is masquerading as a nice guy, he isn't a nice guy.

He's an a**hole.

There's no in between, there's no gray area, he's just that, an a**hole, always was from the beginning, chances are you probably just couldn't see it.

That's like me getting with a sweet and well mannered girl, and then when she goes crazy and turns out to be a bitch, I call every nice girl on the planet a "secret bitch."

No, it doesn't work that way. She was just a bitch pretending to be a good girl, and I was the one who fell for it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Many guys who coin themselves nice guys, are in fact secret a**holes. It's the difference between an overtly rude person (imagine a loud, boisterous person cursing you out because they dislike you) and a passively rude person (imagine a person pretending to be nice to your face, but trashing you to everyone behind your back). Both of them are very similar but the way they present themselves are 2 totally different things.

    Quite a few nice guys come off that way because they'll act one way and pose as a friend, or someone who is nonthreatening, nice...but then when they realize they won't be getting the girl they want, they flip the script and act very jerky and nasty.

    I've seennumerous questions on this site like "Girls don't like nice guys, should I be a jerk?" Well if you were truly that nice, why would you consider hurting people and being a jerk? Because you were ACTING like a nice guy, but when that wasn't getting you any ass, you become a jerk. Showing that you werent genuine but fake to suit your agenda.

    Guys who are actually good guys aren't called nice guys because they have other positive qualities to speak for them, that we don't just use the term "nice". He isn't obsequious or fake to gain your approval. He's himself, a genuine good person who isn't an a**hole. Those are what girls call "the perfect guys"

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    • "Guys who are actually good guys aren't called nice guys because they have other positive qualities to speak for them, that we don't just use the term "nice". He isn't obsequious or fake to gain your approval. He's himself, a genuine good person who isn't an a**hole. Those are what girls call "the perfect guys"

      We have the exact same definition of a nice guy. A nice guy has no agenda, no thoughts of getting into your pants, he's nice to everyone, just for the sake of being nice.

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    • Thank god then, I'm a stubby, obnoxious, little pest of a dwarf, like Gimli in the Lord of the Rings, except I don't have a beard, long hair, big nose, height of 4'2 and an axe too swing at your cranium.

      I guess I'm more like a Legolas with a Gimli attitude, that would make me a Gimilas. :D

    • Your being unfair. Your expecting guys to not show emotions. If I punch you in the face and you get angry, does that make you a jerk? I realize the term nice is vague and it seems that women are taking these two camps to far into the extremes.

      Nice guys don't have to be floormats, and jerks don't have to be criminal rapists. When guys refer to "nice guys", we're simply meaning a guy who has more on his mind than getting into your pants, won't criticize your looks, control you, or ignore you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

88
  • There's a huge grey area.

    Actually its more like a three-layer scenario.

    A) We have guys who -appear- to be nice. They act really sweet, are a little shy, are helpful, don't bring up sex a lot, etc. Loyal and all that.

    B) Those guys tend to blow up passive aggressively. Nobody is happy when they give but don't get their needs met. Mature people express their needs and move on to new relationships if those needs aren't met (and by 'relationships' here, I mean any type of relationship - romantic, friendship, with family, workplace, etc). But people who feel they are not -allowed- to ask for what they want (or perhaps even feel like they're not supposed to want/'need anything) just blow up passive aggressively. Nice guys do that all the time. They avoid doing it in person, as much as possible they just blow up online (see many rants here). But they do blow up in person sometimes too. Then girls say 'he wasn't a nice guy, he was a manipulative a**hole who was trying to buy sex/love via guilt/favors'. They are half right.

    C) Most 'nice guys', along with being spineless and overly nice, and also being, effectively, passive aggressive manipulators, are also genuinely nice at heart. A guy who is a actually a jerk and doesn't care about being manipulative would never do a 'nice guy' act, because it doesn't work! Nice guys ARE manipulative, but they don't usually realize it. They are genuinely -trying- to be nice, and genuinely are simply hoping people care about them back. And most believe girls link love and sex, and have been told that girls will love them 'because they are nice'. So when they don't get love or sex, they figure they must try -harder- to be nice.

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  • It's a paradox I know. If jerks are jerks and nice guys are just jerks in disguise then I guess by their logic there are no good guys. They're all jerks out to screw them over.

    This mentality, in general, is ruining women. They are going through life like the world is out to get them, all men are evil, and women are treated unfairly, when all of this could be further from the truth. Walking around paranoid will not get you very far life.

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    • *Looks at your multiple counter-argument comments*

      IT BEEEGGGGGIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSS.

  • it depends what the girl is looking for...if she is in her mid to late twenties and looking for something more serious then we def. want a nice guy. But there has to be a balance. I want a nice guy in the fact that he is willing to show me he cares...takes me on dates, remembers things I say I like, asks me about my day, etc. However, I also want a guy that challenges me. For example, if I say something he's not always going to agree or if I'm being too dominate and trying to take control of everything he'll let me know. I'm a type A personality for sure and even though I like to be in change I don't like a guy who let's me be in charge and run all over him. So as far as how a guy treats me...yes def want a nice guy. As far as how we click...I don't want a nice guy. I want an honest guy who tells me his opinion and let's me know when I'm doing something wrong or just trying to take over.

    It also depends on how early it is and how much I like him. To be honest I've been in a lot of relationships and most of them I was not crazy about before becoming official. In that case, I would have preferred hard to get. However, I am seeing a guy now that plays that game a little too much and I'm losing interest because it's too much work! I don't want to have to work hard for a guy. I think a nice balance if you can't tell how much she likes you is to do thoughtful things but not too thoughtful (depending on how long you've been seeing her). Things I would like if it's early on...

    take me out on a dates that are thoughtful but not too elaborate (dinner, movie, something fun like bowling if she's competitive), text her and tell her you hope she has a nice day, call her (but don't initiate every call), talk about things that matter to you (shows her you care enough to share that), actively show her that you're putting your phone away when at dinner...this is all very little stuff that requires almost no effort but can go a long way. that way you don't come off as a sucker, but respectful and interested.

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  • Actually not only are there grey areas the full spectrum of colors exists out there. You noted yourself on your last sentence - she was pretending to be nice. Many 'nice' guys do the same, pretend to be nice with ulterior motives to get in a woman's pants. Then you wonder why girls think nice guys, good and kind men, are a**holes, well...enough have ruined it for the rest.

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  • You have to remember that everyone gets like that even sometimes. I'm glad you have pointed these things out because a lot of people don't realize that any of this is happening.

    To be honest, I wouldn't want a nice guy, I feel like I'd walk all over them because I'd be able to do whatever I want and know they aren't going anywhere. I need someone to challenge me.

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    • So you rather be with a guy who limits your freedom? Nice guys will keep you in line, but only if you step out of it. Jerks will take issue with things that aren't even a problem.

    • Yeah but I don't want things paid for me, I don't want gifts, I just want emotional support. What the hell is being a "nice guy" anyway it doesn't make sense because there is no such thing, everyone has their quirks. Replace "nice" with "perfect" and that's what girls mean when they're looking. Being "nice" gets you no where, being "yourself" does.

  • I don't think nice boys are a**holes!

    Yes, they can have moments of ass-ery but so can the nicest of women. If you get mega pissed off about something, of course you lose your temper. Just because he/she loses their temper doesn't instantly make them an a**hole/bitch in my eyes.

    I think this is the problem. A nice person can lose their rag and then be signed off to be a horrible person when that isn't the case.

    Of course. Some people are just bastards, plain and simple.

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  • I don't think that about nice guys.

    I think nice guys are generally BORING. - They say too much in the beginning.

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    • that's true...I'm a very BORING man hahaha

    • Yeah, that's the thing, nice guys generally ARE boring (something I've been trying to stress to people not to be), nice guys aren't perfect and need a world of work, they can often be doormats, clingy, and a bunch of other stuff. But lately the line between an a**hole and a nice guy has been getting pretty blurred, I'm just here to draw the marker between the two.

  • "Nice guy" is euphemism for a harmless but unexciting and thus sexually irrelevant person.

    Honestly you want to have personality and flavor such that the term "nice guy" does not come up in a girl's mind when she thinks of you.

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  • I take it you got this from my question. I personally find nice guys boring and I've tried to like and date them but after one week I was done and on to the next. I do find that most complain about never getting the girl so they try to become something they aren't or they are just plain bitter. I don't do nice guys but there are girls who do

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    • You see, that's one thing, that's fine. If you don't have a preference for nice guys, that's perfectly okay. This is just a question informing people the difference between an a**hole and a nice guy, cause apparently that line has been getting pretty blurry to people.

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    • That's fine, but you'll likely be the girl who is 45 and already been through 3 divorces. Just don't expect to have your cake and eat it too. You like many other people in this world sometimes need to realize that there are many times more important factors in decision making then what is "more fun". Treating life like one big party will ironically make for a very unfun life, trust me.

    • If I'm 45 and been through 3 divorces than fine. great no biggie.. Divorce = new man

  • I think the nicest guys, the best men out there, as well as the best women out there, are transparent, honest and true to what they are, right from the beginning. Their behavior may vary depending on who they are with. It also depends of what's the personal concepto of "nice guy". Is it the typical harmless dude with a huge heart and who treats everybody wonderful?

    My idea of a nice guy is someone who treats everybody respectfully and isn't a troublemaker. That may apply to incredibly social party animals to the loneliest introverted bookworm at school. Assholes come in all shapes and colors too.

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  • LMAO, I was thinking the same thing, but couldn't put it out in words. Great Job.

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  • Here is a hint it is not about only nice guys, it is about pretty much every man out there.

    Women go by the rule "Guilty until proven innocent".

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    • This is actually spot on. It's their defense mechanism knowing that they are the weaker sex (figuratively speaking). They walk around like the world is out to get them because they aren't born with the same innate ability to defend, protect, and look out for ones safety. There not fighters. They simply feel like their walking through a war zone with no gun or armor.

  • Point blank:

    girls like nice guys, as long as they're manly

    8-)

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  • Its a stereotype in which it is assumed because they were jaded by "secret douchbags" before.

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    • Your right, but what's ironic is that its only the girl who thought he was a lion in sheeps clothing. The rest of the world sees nothing but a lion from day 1.

  • People read that guys who are abusive seem like nice guys and get it from that I guess. But I don't think most girls think this

    I'm a very nice guy and everyone seems to think I'm a very nice guy xD

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  • Well you're just stereo typing that all girls think every nice guy is secretly an a**hole. Most guys, do end up showing their true color, most of them being an a**hole, but just because Guy A, did that, dosen't mean Guy B is going to do that exact same thing. We don't thing this about every nice guy we just find it to be true about most nice guys.

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    • So by your logic everyone is an a**hole? unless you feel that a**holes are just nice guys in disguise?

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