Ladies, how should I proceed?

Her and I are both in our mid 20s, and have known each other since elementary school. I wouldn't say we are super close, but we've had the same circle of friends since grade school as well. Well, in the last several years we have hooked up 4 or 5 times (making out, fondling, but not sex) after drinking. Also, though not on the same occasions as the hook ups, we've had 2-3 hour deep conversations (late night after parties or get togethers). The thing is, she gives me all the signs when she's drinking, (seeking me out, standing beside me, laughing at all my jokes even when no one else is)even if she's not drunk yet. And when we hook up, there always seem to be a little bit of romance first, she'll ask me to dance, or hold my hand, etc. Things that I never do with other girls that I just drunkenly hook up with. Then when she's completely sober she acts kind of timid around me. So my question is, does she act that way just because she's drinking, or does she want to do those things but doesn't have the courage until she drinks. The whole sober man thought, drunk man action thing. I'm crazy about this girl, but I have no idea what to do next to move it forward. Any help would be appreciated.


By timid I mean she'll see me when I show up somewhere, and not come talk to me or anything, even though I catch her looking at me, then as the night goes she warms up. It almost seems like she sees me and locks up. I should also mention, I've asked her out before and was turned down. I found out later she was having some medical issues, which were legit, she ended up having surgery for it. But now, I'm a little nervous about putting myself out there again.
I've known her since we were kids, about 20 years or so. I asked her out 4 or 5 months ago, about a week or so after one of our "hook ups". We just hooked up this past weekend and stayed in the same bed, and the next day traded a couple of joking text messages about sharing the covers, then she kind of let the conversation go dead. I saw her tonight and she was doing the timid thing again. I thought I had broken a little bit of a barrier when we were joking about it. But now I can't tell.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Alcohol primarily removes your inhibitions. It makes you do things you would want to do if you had the balls (or vagina, in this case) to do it. I would say she probably does want to but doesn't have the courage.


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  • Have you considered making a real move or bringing this up to her?

    She might not know how to approach you after some of your hook-ups. I know I've had that before, where I'd get close to someone while drunk and then I just didn't know what to say afterward. With how long you've known her, she may just be a bit anxious about whatever feelings she has.

    How long ago did you ask her out?

  • It sounds to me like she's interested and the alcohol gets her courage up. Everyone's different, of course, and this might not be the case, but it sounds a lot like how I often work.

    When you say "timid," in what way? Just kind of shy and reserved? If so, I'd say she's probably interested, but nervous.


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