How do you get people to feel more comfortable around you?

I've had this most of my life where I can tell people feel awkward around me. I try to be social, but I think during the quiet moments in conversations it still gets awkward.

What tips can you offer me?

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45

Most Helpful Girl

  • Figure out what sparks their lights and push that button. It could be getting their sense of humor, hitting on a topic they know well and like to talk about, there is something that make every person more comfortable, its just a matter of paying attention and finding it.

    Being assertive yourself helps a lot in this- people like people who at least seem confident. This is one of those things you just have to force yourself to do until you're comfortable with it. Figure out how to take whatever your personality is around your friends and make a public version.

    Something that helps me is to think of what the other person feels like and how I'd like someone to approach me in that situation and doing it myself. If it suddenly got awkwardly quiet, what am I wishing the other person would do (or that I could do)

    People aren't that scary once you think about how they tend to fret more about how they're behaving than they are of other people.

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    • So how would you want someone to do for you if it got awkward?

    • Asking a question always works, it give you a chance to learn more about them, and them something to hopefully talk about.

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What Girls & Guys Said

35
  • Act without contrivance. The moment you think you need to act in a certain way, it no longer is who you are; it becomes a distortion, forced; and people unconsciously pick up on it. And as you have probably discovered, becomes a hindrance to having a good conversation and getting to know people.

    Learning about perception is useful, as is cognitive behavior al therapy, which I like to call meditation lite :) As you might have gathered, I am a big advocate of meditation. In the very least, it allows us to become aware of the thoughts that stream into our minds, bombarding us at every moment. Ultimately we have to ask ourselves how much basis in reality do any of these thoughts have? So in practical terms it should allow you to clear your mind and 'go with the flow'. The idea is to re-learn how to 'be'. something seemingly straight forward that eludes many, who are in a flurry of activity, always 'doing'.

    Facing your fears, staring them straight in the eye, is a nice way to gain independence,

    "If you do not follow somebody you feel very lonely. Be lonely then. Why are you frightened of being alone? Because you are faced with yourself as you are and you find that you are empty, dull, stupid, ugly, guilty and anxious - a petty, shoddy, second-hand entity. Face the fact; look at it, do not run away from it. The moment you run away fear begins."

    I'm not trying to lower your self esteem, haha. The point is, we're all ugly, anxious and stupid. So what? Laugh at it. Laugh at yourself.

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  • This is more then a one tip topic.

    But best I can do is:

    A) be as relaxed as possible yourself. Most people are -very- adept at picking up tension. Picking up tension is what made us prepared when someone was pretending to be nice and about to hit us with a club for most of history. We can't tell WHY people are tense - if they're nervous, if they're shy, if they're awkward, if they're worried, if they're homicidal, if they're violently paranoid - people just know you're tense. That makes them worried. Honestly, this is a HUGE problem for a lot of socially awkward people, especially guys hitting on girls. I honestly think this is one of the two main reasons some guys get called 'creeps'. They are trying to be very polite and friendly but they are broadcasting tension, and it makes women think 'what is he hiding, why is he nervous, he probably wants to lock me in his basement and make a suit out of me'.

    If you're not relaxed, that's a big thing to tackle, I could give advice on that. I'm not awesome at it, maybe that's helpful, I can understand the challenge.

    B) Be aware of when they are relaxed, when they're not, and what triggered it.

    If you can't tell when things go bad, you're either not paying attention, or you're bad at picking up on it. If its the latter, I could make specific suggestions, if its the former, start actually paying attention to people and asking yourself much more often 'what are they feeling'. Actually doing this tends to make you more engaging by the way, so the mere act of doing this is a positive.

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  • First off, how do YOU communicate with others? And your behaviors.

    You can't control how people feel around you. Perhaps, it's not YOU that is making them feel awkward. It's how they want to approach it.

    Is the environment unfavorable to you? As in, is it more powerful?

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  • don't stutter and if you do play it cool. also don't make weird comments that don't pertain to the conversation. keep thing really casual and don't make exagerated facial gestures. just go with the flow and be relaxed

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    • Don't stutter? Some people can't help it but when they interact with someone they're comfortable with, it doesn't matter.

      "Go with the flow and be relaxed" - Good advice but HOW do you relax and go with the flow of everything? Especially, when things are going by too fast? Some of these things, you have to take into consideration.

    • all you have to do is relax which isn't that hard once you think about. you're in control of your thoughts and actions and if you want to do something you can. and speech therapy can help people with stuttering problems. I had a friend with a stuttering problem and he went and now when he's nervous he does it a little bit but it's reallly not too bad anymore :)

  • Rule #1: Always be comfortable in your environment.

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  • i don't know, I'm just being me and people tend to feel comfortable around me really fast and it has always been like that.

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  • Id say adapt to the situation, in all every individual is different, where you may find some to be more on a humor side, others who dwell in politics, and some kind of just the care free spirit, I myself have found that unless I feel as though I am speaking of things on a poetic not or of current events and what others don't tend to notice I'm not much interested in speaking much. But I will say if your not feeling it that's probably why you feel strange, maybe your more of a social drinker, may need something to take the edge off of different groups of people instead of just interacting as one on one, find what you and who your speaking to like and go from there

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  • don't wear any underwear, it can run up your crack and make you feel uncomfortable. That is causing it.

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