Is it good for the girl to be the initiator?

I don't mean sexual inititator.

I mean is it good for the girl to show the guy interest and that she want's sth more...

In my experience when the girl does that the guy starts taking her for granted and she ends up getting hurt. I mean like if the girl is honest about her feelings and shows the guy how much she cares for him, he thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants and she'll be OK with it ...

Are there guy out there who would appreciate that? In stead of take advantage of it? Do you think a balance can be established between the two partners in this situation?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Most men will care, most men will take it as an insult to their manhood. See, most men cannot feel like a real man unless they do all the work in the relationship. By you initiating, they are only able to interpret that as a direct insult to their masculinity and sexual prowess.

    Other men, we are past such thoughts and don't mind in the slightest. When a woman we have attraction for shows drive and initiative, we appreciate it and can accept it.

    • ugh sriously? what the hell does this have to do with your masculinity? or you being a man, that is just stupid :/ Your answer is really disappointing :D You're saying if I gather up the courage to ask a guy out (because that's a really hard thing to do you should know) he's gonna be insulted? Seriously? How am I not supposed to complain about men in this situation... Male logic |-(

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    • Aw, you are only 19, and you are very pretty (yeah I looked at your profile haha).

      You know, I say go ahead and take the initiative, take a chance. Sure, most guys like Mr. Anon above me will probably feel threatened, but not all guys will, and those who aren't are more adapted for modern society anyway lol.

    • ...most men? I doubt that in the sake of humanity.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Your idea goes both ways, which is why many guys especially on this site fear rejection.

    However, if the guy shows any sort of signs of reciprocation and seems trustable, then there's no point in not initiating if he doesn't.

    I'm quite certain there are people who would take advantage of such a situation, but that could happen to anyone - girls stringing guys around for attention and/or money, so the like. But as I said, if the guy is decent, then there's no reason not to.

    • your answer makes me a bit scared, I think I"m gonna get to know my guy more before I do anything courageous :D I"m scared I"ll end up with an asshoole, because sometimes I really can't tell :/

    • Haha, my answer shouldn't make you *paranoid* :P but I do admit throwing yourself at someone without properly knowing them is also a bad thing. My relationship began after knowing my partner for about a whole year, and we were together pretty much every weekday (due to lectures being the same). There was also one girl who wanted to throw herself at me after knowing me for a DAY (because she thought 'I was a great guy' ~ how do you know?) and that was confusing.

    • But if you can't tell for certain whether he's an a**hole or not, then there's some "getting to know" left there.

  • Of course it is

    Can't always wait around for th guy

  • That guy below needs to speak for himself. There's no guarantees of anything just because you initiate things, but only someone crazy would get bothered by being asked by someone they like. The problem is that it usually isn't. This is the same for guys asking girls, but it is true we are supposed to be the ones to take the risk first, while girls just are supposed to stand there gutsied up waiting for something. It's a system that is working out great and only getting better (sarcasm).

    • Yep, and mr anon even admits what I said is the way it's supposed to be so he's probably the man who rejects any woman with even a little initiative lol.

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    • That's pretty much it. That if I liked the girl I would welcome initiation. It's the same as when guys initiate with a girl. It's not that welcome if the girl is not interested just because he took the initiative.

    • K, I understand, for the record when a guy takes initiative with me I always give him a chance and try to figure out his personality to see if we're compatible or not. just sayin' :D And no I do not lead people on :D hope everything's fine :)

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