Recently I have been worrying about spreading a disease/STI
even though I'm a virgin. I worried that a cardigan I've been wearing may conain diseases/ STis and that they would come onto the toilet seat, so I'd wipe the seat afterward and fear that if I didn't God would punish me. I also worry that if I don't do something eg wipe water from the floor even if I didn't cause it, then someone will slip and hurt themselves and it will be indirectly my fault for not doing it. or if I see a knife on the table in the kitchen and I don't put it away or in the sink, then my parents could have an argument and one of them could stab the other with it because I left it there. Sometimes when I have bad thoughts I try to neutralise them or cancel out the bad by thinking of something good or eg if I get the thought about hoping someone will die (which I don't mean) I will say "NOT" at the end of the sentence. I sometimes feel guilty being around loved ones whilst having these thoughts, and I admit it to them but leaving out some details eg fear of being a paedophile, as I'm scared they will think I really am one. I also ask for reassurance quite a lot.
The problem is mostly based on my thoughts, but some of it is physical aswell eg, I wash my hands and palms for sometimes quite long to make sure they're clean. I sometimes get scared to wash up or cook for others incase I may poison them, and I rinse dishes for quite a long time to avoid poisoning people with any kitchen soap left on the dishes. If I lock a door, I sometimes repeatedly check that it's locked.
This stuff doesn't make me really depressed or anything but I sometimes don't think I'm normal, and wanted to know if this is likely to be OCD, sorry it was so long! Thanks a lot :) xx
Most Helpful Guy
I am not being flippant when I say that you need intervention. Start with your pastor, priest or rabbi and get a faith based referral.