What does this email mean? After second date.. age difference 17 yrs

What does this email mean? Is he interested or not? This is after our second date... we exchanged two very brief emails then nothing for 4 days... then I emailed briefly and this was the reply email. We are 17 years apart. Is this email just a polite way of saying he is not interested?

It is Saturday evening and I am working at home. First of all, I must apologize for not contacting you much earlier than now, and especially for not doing so before you had already written me. Secondly, the main reason I have been so slow to contact you is that I have been struggling with what I would say. You have been on my mind all week and and I have been wrestling with my feelings.

I truly enjoyed spending time with you and communicating with you. And I enjoyed being with a person who is so bright and alive. I must compliment you for bothering to look up Renegade Health. I have already done a quick search on XYZ and on ABCD and 12345. These appear to be great resources that I will be looking into more.

I hope your exam went well on Monday. I am fairly confident that it did.

As always, you are very perceptive and tuned in by noticing my reaction to the age difference. I must confess that I find the difference a little daunting and it does give me pause. Eva, I am torn between seeing you again and wondering what the future would hold when I become too old to be a good partner. I don't know what to say beyond this and am sorry for presenting this dilemma.

Updates:
I have sent him a couple of emails after this, confirming my interest and expressing that age has nothing to do with devotion to a partner. No reply so far... I saw him online last night, but he did not write to me. Is he still considering us, or has he just dumped me? I do not understand why he would not send a one line email letting me know he is not interested, if he is not... I am confused. What is happenning?
Today it has finally crystallized why his email shook me to my core. His letter questions my character, my integrity and everything that I stand for. It implies that I am the sort of person who would let her partner down, that I am selfish and that I have not thought this through (i.e. I am stupid or immature). Subconsciously I felt this from the second I received the email. Today finally I can see clearly.
So... I emailed him last night about the above concern and this is his reply. I will have to post it in three pieces. What does this mean?


Part 1:

First of all, my sincerest apologies for my tardiness in responding. Secondly, I would never question your character or integrity and not even remotely consider you selfish, irresponsible or immature. Actually, it is quite the opposite.



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  • 1. You guys were just dating isn't it? Then I wonder (without meaning to be rude) where does 'dump' come from - negative word, negative thoughts; take it out of your mind
    2. This guy is logical. If you are in your late 30's or early 40's yourself then he'd be between 53 & 62 himself?
    3. You are considering your feelings for him yes and you are right on that count, but don't discount his feelings for you which are obviously good. He wants you to be happy at all points of time. He appreciates you for sure but considering the age difference he is probably afraid of him being a liability on you at least healthwise in the future as he grows older while you still can have fun in life. He worries about your having to be a nurse to him (god forbid) etc.
    4. He is not dumping you but ensuring or trying to ensure that you get over him and find someone who can be with you in all aspects at all times.
    5. This guy is good, sensitive and righteous. Appreciate him.

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    • I like him and would never let him down. So how is it good for me if he does not want to be with me? Maybe this is just an excuse for him to not date me.

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    • What is header of that question you have posted again? I'll try to find it but just in case I'm not able to since you have posted anonymously

    • 17 years age difference...

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • He's leavng it up to you. He thinking long term and wants you to think about the long term as well. He's not about a fling with you, he's thinking about a lifetime commitment and what that would mean. He will be old and disabled while you are still young enough to enjoy life, and he wants you to think about that.

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    • I have thought about that. It is borderline insulting to assume that I have not. His email questions my character and my integrity, everything that I stand for. His letter implies that I am the sort of person who would let her partner down. That I am selfish and a "taker".

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    • Yes, I understand, but my sister is a judge and was a corporate lawyer, and still their relationship with the same age difference is very much father-daughter. I'm sure your relationship is not so much that way, but still, he looks on you as young and inexerienced, compared to him. This is only to be expected.

    • I have posted the new email from him under a new question since I could not add more comments... what do you think? Your responses seem insightful. Is he still undecided or has he decided yet? If so, is he interested? I am confused.

  • sounds like he's growing apart from you. He feels too old for you. I think you should ask yourself the question, "Is he worth all my efforts?". Do you TRULY like this man. If so, go for him and tell him your still interested. If you think he isn't the right guy, I suggest you stop wasting your time and efforts for someone you don't see yourself being with.

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    • Do you think he really feels that way? I emailed him to let him know I am happy with our age difference etc... no reply since yesterday. I'm wondering could this email be just a polite way of dumping me?

    • I think it's possible that he's more concerned about his feelings than yours. If he doesn't feel comfortable with it, then there's nothing you can do. Why would he do consider being in a relationship that makes himself unhappy? I personally don't know the guy.

      I think you need to be straight to the point and ask if he's interested in dating. Be VERY blunt, so you'll get a blunt answer back. In the mean time, ask yourself "is he worth while"

    • I have posted the new email from him under a new question since I could not add more comments... what do you think? Your responses seem insightful. Is he still undecided or has he decided yet? If so, is he interested? I am confused.

  • Bah! One is never too old you just as old as you think you are or suddenly struck by a nasty disease and die, that's beyond anyone's control so life is to be enjoyed until one drops dead.

    My current girlfriend is 22 and a cute mad scientist.

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    • I agree with you 100%. That is why I think his email is a B.S. If he does not like me then he should have sent a letter saying that he thinks we are not a good match and wish me good luck... what do you think? I do not know what to make out of his email...

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    • Yes, I get that. But I think the way he did it was despicable. Instead of simply saying that he is not interested, he implied that I am some sort of morrally inferior trash that he cannot trust. Pff.

    • I see but What do you want to do because he hurt you?

  • It is a very nice way of saying he likes you, would like to see if something might happen in terms of a relationship, and his fear that as you both age he will appeal to you less. But he cares.

    If you care, and want to see where things might go, then talk about this in person. It is better than texting, phone, but still hard.

    I have been there, only it was 25 years. And she decide she didn't want to deal with the age. Do it, it can work. My current girlfriend is 25+ younger, we dealt with it, it is great.

    Sounds like you found a really nice and caring guy...

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    • I asked him in an email if there is anthing more to this and I expressed that the age difference is fine with me and that devotion to a partner is not dependent on age. No reply to my email, but I saw him online tonight... did not write to me. Can I call him? Should I just wait?

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    • I do not think that he is caring. His email implies that I am the sort of person who would let her partner down, that I have not thought this through or I am selfish and a taker. That is an insult to my integrity, my character and everything that I stand for.

    • I have posted the new email from him under a new question since I could not add more comments... what do you think? Your responses seem insightful. Is he still undecided or has he decided yet? If so, is he interested? I am confused.

  • To sum up what he says :

    First paragraph : I didn't know what to tell you.

    Second paragraph : It was intellectually interesting to talk with you

    Third paragraph : You're a student, remember?

    Last paragraph : You are too young.

    I think that he is taking his distances like a gentleman would do.

    You have to see it like this : he knows what you want, but he didn't act anyway. He knows that he wouldn't want something short-lived to happen between you and he knows that it is how it is going to end, inevitably, because of the age difference.

    So just move on.

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    • But that is my point... that he is so wrong about the short relationship. I know it would last. So I am wondering if he just does not like me that much? If he does not want to see me, why doesn't he just say it?

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    • I could not predict his behavior . But is he so wrong when he says you are immature ? The age difference would imply that. And also, if you talked to him about "devotion to your partner", that's a bit extreme. Anyway, sh*t happens. You've been rejected by someone you fancied, welcome to my world.

    • I have posted the new email from him under a new question since I could not add more comments... what do you think? Your responses seem insightful. Is he still undecided or has he decided yet? If so, is he interested? I am confused.

  • Sounds like a goodbye letter to me

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    • Why do women hate women who date older men? LOL

    • When did I say I hated you? Grow up and face reality. He's not into you. He said it himself, he's too old

    • You are so wrong. He sent an email last night that he want to phone me. He feels comfortable with the age difference now that we discussed.

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