Do I stay away or keep trying?

What do you do when your mate tells you that they need space from you? My boyfriend told me he needs space from me, I'm torn on what I should do. every time he gets mad he says he's done and then when he cools off, he comes back. This is killing me emotionally, I'm tired of the roller coaster. Any suggestions?

How long is long enough for a break? I said I was giving it 2 weeks and I was gonna consider the relationship done and over...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hearing those words hit hard. I would tend to think when someone needs a break they are looking to evaluate the relationship without you in it. Could be a variety of reasons. However, If someone is asking you to back off, you have 2 choices. Either give them space or walk away.

    So try a no contact for 2 weeks and see what happens. If he continues not contacting you, he walked away first.

    Either way sometime in the future you need to have a heart a heart talk and explain that adults just don't keep stating the fact that they are done. It is hurtful to the other.

    Good Luck..Keep us informed of the progress...

    • I agree, when I'm angry I don't just walk away from my relationship. That's not how things are supposed to be. When and if I say I'm done, I'm done. I'm not gonna use that just because I'm angry and then turn around and come back. He says he loves and needs me but if that were truly so, how can you just walk away from me like is not like a light switch, you can't just turn it on and off when you please. Yeah, 2 weeks was what I said as well...

    • I agree what you are saying. Love is not a light switch - either you want to work on a solution together or you don't . Simple... Give it the 2 weeks . But if your anything like me - during those 2 weeks of alone time your blood will boil and your going to have your light switch set to off... Just be prepared...

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What Guys Said 3

  • If thi shapens frequently, start tellin him you also need space, and see how he likes spending time alone.

    .Hopefully it will affect him the same way it affects you, and he will start thinking twice about demanding breaks all the time.

    And if he doesn't mnd you going on breaks, maybe he's really suggesting you break on a permanent bsais, and maybe wants you to be the one to suggest that; then he doesn't have to take responsibility for ending things.

    • Wow, I've thought the same thing for awhile now. He said he needs a break because he doesn't trust me. It drives me crazy because he's at my place all the time, my phone never rings out of the blue, I'm never unavailable for him, he pops up at my house unannounced all the time and don't mind cause he's my guy. So I mean come on already! The break thing and the silent treatment is killing me.

    • Show All
    • But it is because he knows that in the past I have always given in and contacted him whether by text, email, phone, etc? I seem to be the one running back to him when he tries to call it off. When he messes up and apologizes, he'll call and I say yeah it was on me and I usually say okay and we move on. But with him, if I mess up or make a mistake he goes to the extreme, not talking, calling it off, just plain ignoring me. He says if he apologizes and I can't get over it, then f@ck it! WTheck!

    • You need about a 30 year break here.

  • What do I do?

    Go work in the garden. I go sailing.

    I go flying.

    I go work on the car.

    I paint oils.

    I design Architecture that takes hundreds of hours to do.

    I do almost everything by myself so this doesn't ever come up again.

    • Why does this seem so easy for you to do? It's hard to just walk away when you love a person, but I'm tired of being hurt, I'm beginning to get angry because I feel like he knows the kind of person I am which is very forgiving. Part of me feels like he uses what he knows about me against me...

  • If he needs space, give him the space. Stop chasing after him. When he's done with the space he needs, he'll be back.

    You should be totally able to live your life without needing him around 24 hours a day.

    So give him his space when he needs it.

    • You're right but the sad thing is he was around so much, I got used to it. Now I'm very sad and I hate it. I'm a very attractive female and I could very easily move on but I love him , a lot. I'm gonna try very hard to give that space because I don't wanna seem like I'm chasing him. I've never had this problem before, I'm used to guys chasing me. Why is he doing this? Is it because every time he has left or tried to leave before, I did chase him?

What Girls Said 3

  • Remember Einstein's definition of insanity...

    (continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result.)

  • I agree 100% with martyfellow. Your boyfriend isn't being fair to you. I know its hard to just give up on him and walk away because you love him. But him constantly leaving you is a form of selfish behavior. If he cares he would take you into consideration every time he decides to leave. He needs to learn to talk things out. He can't leave because HE wants to, and come back when HE is ready. When is he thinking of YOU in this matter.

    • I agree, but he's not a good communicator at all. Even when we are talking he gets loud and defensive and then storms out. I usually call him to try and smooth things out. But I'm tired of my feelings being hurt, it is very unfair. I woke up with him on my mind this morning and obviously I'm thinking of him now because I'm speaking about my situatuin, I really wonder if he has thought of me at all!?

    • Until you can move on (which in all honesty won't happen until you have found someone else/better) He will always be on your mind. But that is no reason to stick around. Give him his space. DO NOT contact him. Delete his number if you have to. Wait for him to come to you. If he doesn't...well then there you go. If he does, well that doesn't fix everything but its a start. But it seems like a unhealthy relationship. He feels he can do this because he does it all the time.

    • I agree, I think it's my fault because I didn't stop it to begin with, he developed a pattern and I let him run with it.

  • You should consider it done and over with now. He is playing games and the games are messing with your heart and your head. You deserve better. Any time someone puts you on an emotional roller coaster it is emotional abuse. You may love him but he will never stop putting you through this. It only ends when you say it does and that means leaving for good.

    • But that's my issue, how do you just walk away from someone you love so much? I know I should love myself more and want better and of course I do, but it's just hard to walk away. I will say this though, I text him yesterday to see if I could get a better understanding of what a "break" meant. I asked if it meant the relationcship was over or did he just need time to think, NO RESPONSE. I left it alone...

    • It is one of the hardest things in the world. I did it over a year ago and it took me months to do it, I kept trying but couldn't go through with it for a while. You just reach a point where you know enough is enough. You feel it in your heart. If you are not there yet, you probably won't leave. I think you are somewhere on your way but not quite there yet. You will know when it is time.