Is my boyfriend a racist? (no trolls please, this is a honest question)

Question

I am black and he's white. We have been dating for over a year and we have good times and bad. He's outspoken, I know that from the day we met, but lately there are red flags popping up all over him. We had a huge argument two months ago because he was distant and no matter how I try to talk he disappears, so I gave him his space. I met a Latino guy few days after (as a friend) we started talking and he added me to Facebook, he started liking my pictures and my boyfriend saw and went insane. This is what he said "you're into Latinos now, I sure hope he can f***ing read and write". I was like wtf... he started crying saying if that's how things are now where I need to talk to other guys. I ignored the comment about Latinos because people say things when they're angry.

the next incident were about Jews we were having small talk and I was saying that I didn't know the difference between whites and Jews, he was like don't talk about Jews, I don't like them and that Jews get everything free and always play the victim. I immediately stopped talking.

The last incident happened two days ago, I posted a quote from Marcus Garvey "The Black skin is not a badge of shame, but rather a glorious symbol of national greatness"

and he got angry, calling me a racist for posting such garbage and how it's racist because anything that exclude a race is promoting racismc and completely disregard everything the black race has been through .

I am not going to have this discussion but he kept going and going, so finally I snapped and started throwing racial insults at him and used the term "you people" that's when he calmed down and said that I should just be mindful of what I post cause it may offend others of different races and how would I feel if he posted "proud to be white". I could go on but even though we made up after my heart is closed to him after that argument... brought of a side of me I have never seen.

what a mess :(

Updates:

+1 y

Thanks for the responses. Appreciate it.

Answer 1

Anonymous

The only one that I don't get is the comment about Jews. I've never understood the people that excluded them from being white.

The first one doesn't bother me, because it's not uncommon for a guy to flip his lid over another guy coming into the picture. I know you said he's just a friend, but...

I get what he was going for with the last one. I don't necessarily agree with the "it must be racist if it excludes a race" thing, but he's correct when he said that there's a hypocritical nature of one being proud of their race. It's justifiable annoyance in my opinion.

And if you started firing off racial insults, I find it odd that you phrased the question the way you did seeing as it seems that you were the first to fire off racial insults at him. So ask yourself that question and then apply it to him. If you're not racist for doing that, can you cast that stone and say that he is when it doesn't sound like he attacked you like that?

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
they weren't really insults but ye I see your point. I guess maybe I am as he said "closed-minded" to think racism is always about blacks.

it just hurts when he said what he said so I fired back
jacquesvol

+1 y
" Jews. I've never understood the people that excluded them from being white" The Buybull: Matthew 27:25: link started it.

Answer 2

Asker

they weren't really insults but ye I see your point. I guess maybe I am as he said "closed-minded" to think racism is always about blacks.

it just hurts when he said what he said so I fired back

Answer 3

jacquesvol

" Jews. I've never understood the people that excluded them from being white" The Buybull: Matthew 27:25: link started it.

Answer 4

Markezzo | 63 opinions shared on Other topic.

Xper 6

I love black women, they all have ghetto attitudes, act over-confidant and tend to be aggressive which shows their great passion. Black women have amazingly big juicy butts which is a turn-on. Black men also have a reputation of not being able to treat a black woman like a true lady, so I would love to show her a good time.

Now that I'm done being sarcastic and setting up my point... just because a person is okay with dating a certain race it doesn't mean they can't have prejudices against them or other races. Some people can love a certain race, but their so called love can be based on complete stereotypes. Your boyfriend really doesn't seem to be the most open-minded and educated sort, no offense to the guy I don't even know him, but if any girl acted this way around me she would not be my girlfriend for much longer.

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Asker

+1 y
I get your last paragraph. He doesn't speak like that actually

Answer 5

Asker

I get your last paragraph. He doesn't speak like that actually

Answer 6

Anonymous

Yes, he's racist. Just because he's dating you doesn't mean that he's not racist.It means that he liked you as an individual, he likes you, but doesn't like people from your race. People have strong feelings about racism, and when they're angry or drunk they reveal them. They show how they really feel.

He doesn't accept you as you are and that's really sad. I know I'm not in your situation, but if I was I would broke up with him since the moment that he made a racist comment. I would think, if he's racist towards Latinos, he could easily be racist towards me.

That's the dark side of interracial relationships. Everything is perfect until we realize that the person is not what we think.

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4 People

Answer 7

TheoryOfAvarice

Guru

First off I just don't understand why people try to compare racial qualities with Judaism. My boyfriend has a big nose and apparently people assume he's Jewish all the time because of it? And what exactly you were asking, the difference between whites and Jews, what was that even about? Like, Jews don't decide to be Jewish because of their physical qualities...

Anyways, that's all beside the point.

As for your question, yes, he absolutely does sound racist. He doesn't sound hateful though, he just sounds... ignorant.

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1 Person

Answer 8

abundantlyrich | 5.1K opinions shared on Other topic.

Master

He sounds like it by the gist of responses, you've described here.

I wouldn't tolerate that if I were you. Are you okay with the emotional blackmailing?

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1 Person

Answer 9

jmurk

Xper 2

Yes he's racist. People have a misconception that just because a person is dating a person of another race, that they can't be racist. He's dating you as a fetish. In the slavery and Jim crow eras when racism was much more open and accepted, white men who were racist would still rape black women. Strom Thurmond, a U.S. Senator, supported segregation and Jim Crow despite having a mixed race daughter (black and white)

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4 People

Asker

+1 y
makes sense

Answer 10

Asker

makes sense

Answer 11

Jonny_ | 1.9K opinions shared on Other topic.

Guru

Sounds like it, I know people who are similar... Here a lot of people don't like the fact Polish and Lithuanian people come here for work, then say well it's OK to date them/sleep with them. They're racist until they're attracted to someone of a different race then they're like well this person is fine, but I still hate everyone else. In short, they're idiots.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
oh ye, he said stuff about polish people too but his friend is polish and he's like his friend is fine but others are often bad news

Answer 12

Asker

oh ye, he said stuff about polish people too but his friend is polish and he's like his friend is fine but others are often bad news

Answer 13

TedStar

Guru

IDK. Personally to me someone is racist when they try to bring their race up, by putting other races down. Racists tend to be grandiose in their character. From what you have told us I think that he has some racist tendencies,but then here he is dating a black girl. How did you end up with him in the first place? How does he treat you family or any non-white people you know?

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Asker

+1 y
that's the thing, his family is cool nothing racial about them. He has black friends and Asian friends and exes. His best friend is actually Jamaican but he says some things at times that make me say wtf
TedStar

+1 y
I don't think he is racist. I think that he may just be frustrated by the fact that he is a young white male and has been influenced by the wrong kind of people. I suggest you have a sit down and actually talk to him about his outspoken and generalising ways

Answer 14

Asker

that's the thing, his family is cool nothing racial about them. He has black friends and Asian friends and exes. His best friend is actually Jamaican but he says some things at times that make me say wtf

Answer 15

TedStar

I don't think he is racist. I think that he may just be frustrated by the fact that he is a young white male and has been influenced by the wrong kind of people. I suggest you have a sit down and actually talk to him about his outspoken and generalising ways

Answer 16

moaterboat

Yoda

Wait wait wait...

you see your skin color as a sign of "greatness"

and you used racial insults against him

and used the term "you people"

and you want to know if HE is a racist?!

I mean, his comments about Latinos and Jews were certainly over the line, but I think if anyone the term racist has to be applied to one person, it should go to you.

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5 People

Asker

+1 y
that's preposterous. Do not speak with such conviction as it shows your lack of common sense.
moaterboat

+1 y
Right, because speaking with conviction can automatically be linked with a lack of common sense. Did you even read the sentence you just wrote?

Answer 17

Asker

that's preposterous. Do not speak with such conviction as it shows your lack of common sense.

Answer 18

moaterboat

Right, because speaking with conviction can automatically be linked with a lack of common sense. Did you even read the sentence you just wrote?

Answer 19

kheserthorpe

Master

Anti-Semite perhaps, but not across the board racist is my impression.

I think that - somewhat like you worry as well - he sometimes worries you see him as simply his race.

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Answer 20

bDizzie | 582 opinions shared on Other topic.

Yoda

I don't think so because he dated you.

On a side note, if I posted about white skin being a badge of greatness, I'd be called a racist and my Facebook account would probay get deleted. I don't like double standards.

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3 People

Answer 21

yopyopyop

Xper 3

I think he's not racist. It's more that he is an illiterate retard.

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3 People

Answer 22

Anonymous

If your boyfriend was a true racist, you wouldn't be dating because you're black.

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
i thought about that, but why would he say those things?
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Race is often a cushion for people to complain about things and be dramatic. A lot of people are frankly tired of everything being racist one way or another. I have many female friends who are into Latino guys because they're "exotic" and "bad", and the ones they are with are just thugs and deadbeats. Stereotyping isn't good ever but people need to paint a better picture of themselves when it comes to race and not get lumped into a category. People are just fed up with race and it's such a divide

Answer 23

Asker

i thought about that, but why would he say those things?

Answer 24

Opinion Owner

Race is often a cushion for people to complain about things and be dramatic. A lot of people are frankly tired of everything being racist one way or another. I have many female friends who are into Latino guys because they're "exotic" and "bad", and the ones they are with are just thugs and deadbeats. Stereotyping isn't good ever but people need to paint a better picture of themselves when it comes to race and not get lumped into a category. People are just fed up with race and it's such a divide

Answer 25

pickledxtofu

Xper 5

He sounds like a retard but that's about it

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2 People

Answer 26

jacquesvol | 16.3K opinions shared on Other topic.

Master

The word "Redneck" jumps to my mind.

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2 People

Answer 27

Anonymous

he's a jerk!

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2 People

Is my boyfriend a racist? (no trolls please, this is a honest question)

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