Says he's not ready for a relationship but we act like BF/GF.

Hey guys! I need help! Please! I'm so lost. I KNOW ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ...

This guy and I have known each other 4 bout 2 years. We're both 23. It started as friends and with time got really close. We talk everyday. About everything. We know everything about each other. We're basically best friends. but about 9 mo. Ago, we mutually started liking each other. But he has always said he's not ready for a relationship. Even when we were just friends, he would say this. he has no job, he's an aspiring rapper. We hang out like a few times a month but once the weekend comes he usually does his own thing. He rarely takes me 2 parties or anywhere he goes, unless its one of his shows where he’s performing. (there have been a few shows that he "forgot" to tell me about however). We talk everyday on the phone, every morning, many times a day or we're texting. We hold hands...kiss (even in front of his friends)...hug...we have pet names for each other...i.e. Lovie, babe etc.and of course we have sex. We go to sleep on the phone together EVERY NIGHT! We fight and make up. And we both have decided we're not seeing anyone else. Or "messing around" with anyone else. he swears he's not doing any of that. That I'm the only girl he's talking to.

So here's the issue. He won't commit. He said that he wants to find a job, get his life together. So I waited. I had been waiting. He says he likes me A LOT. We say I love you to each other. We ACT like a couple! But lately I had just been fed up because he won't make it official. Recently he said another reason why he doesn't want to have a Girlfriend was because he wants to be free. Doesn't want to have to "check in", or worry about a Girlfriend or be tied down. So I told him we had to go our separate ways. I can't just be his friend after this because it would be to hard for me. So I basically told him..."I'm not going to wait anymore. you go ur way, ill go mine" I told him that we couldn't be friends for the moment. To call me if he's ever ready & if not then we can be friends later but its too hard for me now and I need time away from him. He said he didn't wanna lose me. That he cares too much about me to just let me go. That I need to be patient and that he doesn't want to stop talking to me. He begged me not to leave. But I said I had made my choice. I stopped talking to him for a couple weeks! So a few days ago he finally and reluctantly decided he would rather be with me and "try it out" than 2 lose me. Since we have been "together" tho (3 days today) he's been acting weird. No cute names, no babe, no calls at night...i haven't heard from him all night last night or all day today. No texts! No clue what's going on. He's acting less like my Boyfriend now that we're together than he was when we weren't. What's going on? I feel like I forced him...but I didn't wanna wait anymore like an I said I was DONE and HE chose the option of being with me. He begged me not to leave him! What should I do? Why is he acting like this? :,-(

My thing was, if we're acting like it already, what would giving it a title do? Besides make it official.Y's that such an issue if we're doing couple things already. I feel 9 mo. is long enough to wait 4 sum1. If he doesn't want 2 b with me, y not let me go?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Wow, sounds like he's got some serious issues with the word "girlfriend." Maybe to him it's like "marriage", or worse, like being chained to a huge steel ball or something. I don't know, but it sounds like there was a pretty solid relationship without the whole "label" thing coming into the picture. The two of you should perhaps have a serious, grown-up talk about the fact that "words" are just words, and don't mean all that much--what matters is the commitment, which seems like it was already there. And it might be painful for you, but if he says he really doesn't want a "commitment" with you (as in an exclusive agreement not to see anyone else unless he tells you he wants to move on), then it makes the most sense to respect his decision. If your happy with your intimate friendship WITHOUT a verbal "commitment" (whether it's in the form of him calling you his "girlfriend" or a more label-less agreement), cool; if not, be willing to move on. Best of luck.

    • Thank you 4 ur help! That's exactly what I wanted. Commitment. I didn't like this whole "we're friends but we're kinda together but we're rly not" type of thing. He says he's not seeing anyone else...but Mayb that's the reason? because he dosnt wanna cheat on me. Why would he act like my boyfriend but say he's not rdy. now that were together, he's ignoring me. I'm confused. I tried to leave so many times. He's litterally begged me! Like "please don't leave me, don't do this to me" etc.I just don't know wht to do now.

    • Dela1111 is making some good points, reread both of our answers and spend some time thinking about them. But to respond to your update, here's the answer, short and sweet: your "friend' is the one who has the commitment issues, but ultimately it's your choice if you want to stay with him. Whether it's "normal" or not doesn't matter--you're dealing with HIM. If you're okay with non-commitment, drop your insistence on the whole "gf/bf" thing and go back to how you were....

    • ...and if you're NOT okay with non-commitment, then it might be time to cut ties and move on. Very simple, but emotions can make it seem complicated. Best of luck.

  • Why would he commit to a girl that he can get anything he wants from without committing? Also why would you be interested in a loser who raps anyway?

    • This is exactly the same reason why a guy won't marry a girl that he can get anything from. Like I've said a million times: WHY BUY THE COW IF YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE??

    • Show All
    • Yea you're definitely being naive. If you want to save yourself some hardship remember that saying about the cow.

    • Well we made it official three days ago. He didn't seem too enthused. I suppose he did that so that I wudnt leave. and now he's acting weird. I'm assuming I shud just break it off then??

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