Is she using me?

I have a friend of mine who I've known on and off throughout several years. In the past year or so we can become much closer as friends, yet along with this came what seemed like an added level of attraction. I pursued her for a wee bit and then stopped after she didn't return my advances, I am fine with having her as my friend.

Then she turns into something else when I came home for my winter break ( I am in college 3. 5 hours away from home). All of a sudden she's dressing up when we hang out because "she doesn't know when she will see me again. " That was only the tip of the iceberg. She later asked me to teach her various kinds of dance (swing, waltz, salsa, and most importantly a very risque version of the tango), and she got very into the seduction part of the tango.

Lastly, over a dinner conversation one night I made a remark that she should get some new lingerie for x-mas and jokingly said I'd get her some. She jumped at it (I thought she was playing along with the joke), naturally I asked what was my present going to be, she replied "you can watch me try it on. " I thought what the heck and went through with it.

So I went with her, got her some and we kinda made a day of shopping (the lingerie was the only thing I got her, she just likes to shop), most of the day with her glued to my side by the hip, hanging onto me. With lunch came a convo where she said "you never know what the future may hold, tastes in men change. " This was in response to a half joke that I made because of everyone we bumped into at the mall thinking we were in a relationship, saying "ah *overly dramatic sigh*, if only it were true. "

I left for college once more, and our contact has nearly hit rock bottom even though she keeps in touch quite a bit more with her friends who are closer to home. One thing I neglected to mention, she had a boyfriend during the break that I came home and all of this was done with her asking me to be discreet about what was going on.

She and her boyfriend are no longer together, and I will be heading home for the summer in a few days, with her going to a college about 30 minutes away starting this fall. What I am wondering is was she using me, just keeping me around until it's convenient to start something with me this summer/fall, or completely oblivious to what she's doing. (I might add she's going to be a psych major).


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ahhh. Psych majors. What a journey they are.

    Well, it sounds like you were used during your first winter break, but I don't know what to predict for the future based on her previous actions.

    It would seem that she was just into you, but the fact that she had a boyfriend just throws everything to hell, add to the fact that she ASKED you to keep it discreet, and you got played. She needed a little bit of indulgence, and it seems you gladly provided. You gave what she wanted, and now she tossed you aside.

    In the future, of course watch out for her player ways, but do you want to start something with her, watch out. It seems like she liked you, but has kind of lost interest.

    You got played, yes. Whether or not it happens again is up to you. Make sure that if anything further happens, before you fall in love with her, that her intentions are true. Anything that she solicits from you will be playing, anything you hunt her for may be legit.

    • Haha, well I wasn't in love with her, liked her considerably and known her for years, yes. Love, not even close. Thanks for the advice though.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • This girl is a mind player. Girls like to get into guys heads and see how far we can push there buttons. She likes you but with you being so far away she didn't want to get her hopes up. Instead she convinced herself she wanted a fling with you over the break. If your still interested see how it works out this summer.


What Guys Said 2

  • Man, I don't even know this girl and I don't really like her. She's a freak in the sheets I'll tell you that much. She has no sense of loyalty to her boyfriend letting you, no, basically telling you to buy her some and letting you watch. Honestly though, if you want a summer fling, go for it, but drop her when fall comes. She'll be gone anyway so what do you have to lose.

  • She is a USER like a most women.

    Married women and girls with boyfriends

    want to talk to me ALL THE TIME. Because

    they are users.

    • Are you single? Because with a mindset like that its no wonder. Not all women are users. That's like saying all black people are ghetto, all white people are white trash and all middle-easterners are terrorists. Its an ignorant untrue statement.

    • For the past 20 years I have noticed that yes most if not all

      women are users.

      Why do they use me for $100 dinners

      and then not call back?

      I am very polite and good looking.

      Okay I am a Ph. D. Engineer in Nanophotonics

      and guess what no woman is ever getting a cent

      from me.

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