My boyfriend just broke up with me out of nowhere!

We were together for over 6 months. (we are both 22, btw). We met in Berlin, where I am from, and he is from New York. We only spent 29 hours together and knew we were meant to be. After 54 days I flew to New York. He immediately asked me to be his girlfriend. I was there for 3 weeks. We had a great time, flew to California, I met his family and friends and it was the best time of our life. Then I went back to Berlin. I canceled my flat lease and three weeks later went to New York, finally, for 3 total months. He was so happy about this and we were so in love. We lived together in his apartment and we were so so so happy. He is an accountant and has not much time, he works late. His flatmate moved out end of December and he didn't find a new one yet. Then I got really sick and he paid for all my medical expenses. He also has his CPA exam in the end of January or beginning of February, and he is studying every day (he failed once before so he is taking it again). Basically, he has a lot of stress at the moment. When I flew back home on New Years, we were so happy, and he said "We will figure this out, I am sure". He always said that. He was more positive than I most of the time. He could not afford to fly me out again and I got really anxious about when we would see each other again. I think I pressured him a little too much. Then 3 days ago I booked a ticket for the 26th. I told him and he seemed not excited, but he also was at work when I called, so he was holding back as usual at work. Then later he texted that he was looking forward to me coming and that he is really happy. He wrote me the same day (before I told him about the flight) how much he loved me and that I should be positive and that better days will come and I should not doubt his love or anything, because we are meant to be together.

Then 2 days ago, that email with breaking up, out of nowhere. He wrote he thought about it all night and that he made his decision. He is not ready to make that kind of commitment at this point in his life and that he couldn't give me the attention and affection I need.

I called him afterwards and confronted him but he was cold as always (he was also at work). He told me it was his final decision.

I told him we need to talk about this and if I can call again. He said I should call in his lunch break.

I didn't call. He wrote another email telling me to tell him 5 minutes before I call so he could go downstairs. I did not call.

He is not the kind of guy who would do that. I talked to his dad and he was in total shock. I am really confused.

I don't really know what to do because I love him and I know he loves me.

Yesterday I got an email that told me information of what time he leaves today to go to Georgia to visit his grandparents and when he would return on Sunday and that he has his phone with him if I wanna call and talk. What does that mean now?

Is there a chance of us getting back?

What is going to happen now?

I haven't contacted him yet.

sorry my s key is broken and copy and paste it all the time, so sometimes instead of a 's' its a 'v', I hope you still understand my post. btw he was never cold or anything, just always professional when I call him at work, not too sweet like at home.
he texted me tonight. another step that is...
we got back together today.yay.


Most Helpful Guy

  • *Puts on superman cape* Remember, I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to get straight to the point of what the dilemas are.

    [ Reality check ]

    Problem 1) "He could not afford to fly me out again and I got really anxious about when we would see each other again. I think I pressured him a little too much. Then 3 days ago I booked a ticket for the 26th. I told him and he seemed not excited, but he also was at work when I called, so he was holding back as usual at work."

    - Did you pay for the ticket, or did you book it against what he was saying about not having the finances available- then asking him to pay for it?

    Problem 2) " He wrote me the same day (before I told him about the flight) how much he loved me and that I should be positive "

    - Why was he reminding you to be positive? Did you express any feelings to him during that call after scheduling the ticket that made you seem doubtful or upset / etc?

    Problem 3) "...because we are meant to be together."

    - That statement is bullsh*t, I don't care what anyone says- no one will be "meant" for each other in slightly over 54 days. It takes time to grow together and understand each other's flaws, then more time to learn to appreciate those flaws.

    Problem 4) (After you got the breakup email) "I called him afterwards and confronted him "

    - Never call out your spouse on something. It's different if the situation demands that you do so (You notice that your spouse was cheating / etc... But in this situation, do not). Confronting someone or trying to "push" the issue and get what you want- is a subject to tread lightly on. I'll cover this more later

    Problem 5) "I told him we need to talk about this and if I can call again. He said I should call in his lunch break. I didn't call"

    - Just like you expect from the guy, you should call when you say your going to call ;D It's just curteousy

    [ GOOD NEWS! ]

    - There was nothing that I noticed which was "hostile" per se'. It seems like you are overbearing him with affection during a time that is completely filled. This in turn, makes him feel like you require more "maintenance" (aka affection) than he can hand out at this point in time. This is good news because the situation isn't hostile- it's indifferent. Meaning that there are still open doors for you to try a round two

    [ My advice ]

    - Work on expressing your feelings through ACTIONS and not words. You don't need to travel across the world to see him, but it's sweet that your doing so. Instead of showing up to kiss and play "love-doves" you want to show up and show that you appreciate his efforts and hard work, if you do that- he will shower you with affection.

    (Example: Study with him and if he becomes stressed out, bring him some coffee and kiss him on the cheek while his nose is in a book)- bet'cha 10 bucks that he turns around to kiss you on the lips!

    Call him in a weeks time and say "How have you been" and act like everything is normal.

    O_O Holy sh*t I've ran out of room.

    • Needless to say - wait 1-2 weeks and then call him and say "I've tried to be respectful, but I'm burning up inside. I can wait forever, but I need to know if you want this to work too?

      ^_^ Good luck sweetheart and I'm sorry that I rambled so much- but I was trying to identify all the issues to work on improving ^_^

      P.s. this is the first answer I couldn't finish with the space that was given. Feel excited ;-P

      Best regards,


    • Show All
    • Then explain why you said she moved in?

      Reality check- something is happening between them. You don't just move another female in when there are problems between you and your relationship. It would only cause more problems.

    • He already paid double rent for a month, he desperately needed one, luckily he found someone who he gets along with and not just a stranger, I am sure that is a plus point. I don't think he would do anything with her, its 1. not his style and 2. he loves me :P

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What Guys Said 3

  • When someone breaks up with you, it doesn't really matter what you want, unfortunately. To have a good relationship, you have to both be in it 100%. He isn't even close to being somewhat invested in it right now. You can try to "confront him" about these things, demand to talk about it and call him incessantly, but none of that changes the fact that he simply doesn't owe you a thing. He doesn't have to talk to you, he doesn't need to tell you anything. He said it's over, he said his decision is final, and that's that.

    It seems that he is willing to talk, though, so that's good for you. This is the post-dump stage, where you can ask all of the questions you should ask and always forget to. Things like "What could I have done better?", "Can you ever see us getting back together in the future?", "Do you have any advice for me that I could improve being a girlfriend on?" These are good questions because it will give you insight into what he was thinking. It's nice that he's willing to talk to you after the break up, so you can ask these questions.

    I'm sorry you got dumped. It sucks. I've been dumped-hell, EVERYONE has been dumped. Get this idea that he is the "only one meant for you" or whatever out of your head. That simply isn't true. It's a statistical improbability.

    Ask him your questions so you can get your closure and move on with your life. Good luck!

    • Mh everyone around me and who knows him thinks this is strange and they believe he will come to his senses. I don't know what to believe anymore now... I am desperate to call him but on the other hand I want to stay strong and give him space and have him realize he made a mistake. Our relationship was amazing despite the past 1,5 weeks where we HAVE NOT been together physically cause we were on diferent continents.

    • "Come to his senses" implies that he has made a mistake. For all we know, breaking up with you was a great thing for him, his life, his career and his health. Who knows. I understand your relationship was amazing. I have also had amazing relationships that do not work out. You are not the first person to have an "amazing" relationship and then been dumped. It happens every day.

      Give him his space and leave him be for a while. Only time can resolve what you are looking for right now.

  • well ofcourse its dumb 2 'fink tht he'll 4get you if u'll b dayz part frm him...if you wan him 2 get his space thn you needn't try as he'll b fine bein tht side...he's cool by his side...if you 'fink u'll disturb him thn fly after evn you knw da xam'z much important for both of u...(I guess callin future might b much rite...)

    • What do you mean with your last sentence?

  • well I cn c here is he's more concerned bt you as he dsnt wan you 2 suffer 4 'fingz.he luvs you and wan you b happy as he thinks he cnt make you you need 2 b at his side ...all you need 2 do is fly 2 him and da moment he'll c you up himself...he'll b able 2 talk...untill its useless 2 call him as he wnt answer...!

    besta luck

    • Everyone tells me to back off. I decided not to fly on the 26th because he has his exam on the 31 and I want to give him space. I am just scared he will forget about me, even though I know that is dumb.

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