What is he thinking? Men you confuse me!! Its a long story, but I need honest advice!!!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. The relationship has progressed quickly. I spend tons of time with him, at his place, and with his friends. We would talk on the phone so much he added me to his plan. He also told me that he would like to marry me one day and that I am the first girl he has ever loved like this. His parents even ask about me all the time and he was so nervous for me to meet them because he said I was the first girl he actually carried about what they think.

I am 21 and he is 24 and I have one more year of college left. Even early on in the relationship he talked about a future with me even in front of his friends and family. Saying things like our house when referring to his apartment, or when we have kids, or you'll make a great mom, or you can decorate our place however you want, etc. His dad even said when you two have kids, the first time I met him! His best friend said he is crazy over me and that he was always a confirmed bachelor.

Here is where it is getting confusing, he broke up with me recently because I was real drunken and when my roommate kissed me I didn't stop him so we ended up kissing. I hate myself for that and I admitted it to him immediately. It was only kissing and I had no rational. I know I did wrong and deserved for him to break up with me then later that night he said he forgave me and said he did dumb stuff being drunk and younger, Then we were fine the next day we were with his friends who are getting married and he is talking about us having kids someday. I assumed we put this behind us, A week later he tells me he is breaking up with me and that he isn't in love with me and he needs to know if I can be the girl he can live with or the girl he can't live without. Almost 3 weeks pass and he calls me and admits that he is still in love with me and wants me back but do take it slow and he is not ready for marriage. I never brought up marriage except for my previous engagement. So we are back on and taking it slow. What should I make of his actions? Does he want to get married? He indicated that he was thinking about it and then scared himself because he has never had a serious girlfriend before. Or is this because all his friends are getting married? Did he forgive me and when he said he is madly in love with me, and he can't live without me, is that true? What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, don't you think it's way to soon for anyone to be talking marriage and kids after only 5 months? Wow! I'd be scared out of my mind if some girl I dated for only 5 months started talking marriage and kids. Can you really get to know someone within 5 months. I guess it's possible. I think maybe it's all about the sex right now and you went off and probably passionately kissed another guy, although drunk. You still did! I think you rocked the boat and now he probably still has motion sickness thinking about being on that "rocking" boat. I think he's right about his feelings and although he said he forgave you, I think it's pretty hard to get something like that out of your mind. So, at least he is willing to give you a chance to gain back his trust. You have a lot of work to do. Trust is a hard thing to earn, and an easy thing to lose. You lost it and now it's time to work! Do you really want to work. Sorry, to be frank, but you screwed up. I would've kicked you to the curb and moved on to someone I didn't have to worry about.

    • I wasn't talking marriage and kids he was. That's what is surprising to me. I feel extreme guilt and remorse for what happened with my roommate. But I can tell you that it was nothing meaningful or passionate.

    • Sorry. Yes. He was talking marriage and kids, but the heart of the problem is the kiss. Whether it was passionate or not, your boyfriend will never know how passionate it was or wasn't. All he has is your word! Which at this point, is in question.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You kissing the other guy prob pops into his mind and he starts thinking more and more about it and gets pissed off, at least you were honest about it though, second if all his bros are getin hitched he's prob feelin a lot a pressure like he has to soon too, sounds to me like he cares more about what people think about him then anything, plus your 21 why worry about marriage!

    • I'm def not ready for marriage. I'd like to marry him one day. I just question if my mistake has caused permanent damage in the relationship? I'm not like that at all and it was a stupid accident. I do believe you have to be honest, I couldn't be any other way.

    • I'm sure he will get over it eventually, its hard to forget that kinda stuff though even worse when you love the girl

What Girls Said 3

  • Marriage is a long term commitment, you forgave you but you did break his trust. He probably just needs you to help build that lost trust back up. And until then he's to afraid to want to marry you.

    I've been through some bad crap due to alcohol as well. Blacking out is a scary thing when you only remember bits and pieces of a situation. I rarely ever drink to get drunk anymore unless I'm around my most trusted friends, my female friends normally. Because one incident was with a long time guy friend whom I trusted until one time. So kinda do the same thing, don't get drunk around your roomie anymore and tell your boyfriend you won't. Unless he's around. Or more of your most trusted friends are with you.

  • I bet you anything that in your circumstance, he was just brought back by what happened when you were drunk because that's when it all changed. His plans for you, your guys' future etc. etc.

    He's also probably scared that you'll just go ahead and do the same thing once he starts getting serious about you again - he's stepped back...

    you should just give him space and even though he's said that he forgave you (its probably because he wants to be with you) but he's torn between trusting you again and getting back on the same track as you were on before.

    So space and time to gain his trust back until he feels the same way about you again...

    don't pressure him into feeling the same way he did back then... don't be like "i thought you forgave me!? why don't we just move on!?"...

    it'll just push him away.

    sorry sweetie.

    • I appreciate your advice and that is what I am currently doing. Like I said I feel horrible. I have beat myself up about this constantly. I have myself so stressed that I can't eat or sleep right since all this occurred. I don't want to lose the one person I know is the one to make me happy. I also love him so much and worry about him and that's why it kills me inside that I hurt him when I should be the one protecting him.

  • I think it's a matter of too much too soon. He barely knew you when he started talking about marriage and kids and letting you decorate the apartment. I think he got carried away by the euphoria at first and then when you f***ed up (let's be honest, you did! ) it was like a reality check. Euphoria wore off and he was able to see things for what they are and not for what he wanted to believe they were.