Why is it so easy for a guy to rearrange his heart and forget about a girl who he says he truly loves?

Question

We knew each other since junior high. We lost touch for a long time but we met up again. He was the one doing the pursuing and I just sat back. We fell in love and everything was great. Then last month he broke- up with me for 2 days, but for the 2 days we talked constantly. Now just last week we had a stupid argument and he broke-up with me again. We were living together out of state and he told me to get out. So I did. He called me a few days later and one of his questions was "Does your mother hate me? I thought that was an odd question. Shouldn't he wonder if I do? During the phone call I made no negative remarks to him and did not mention the ending of our relationship. He abruptly had to go and 15 minutes later called back. I thought he was starting to cave in but that was Fri. It's now mon and I still haven't heard from him. However as hard as it is I will not call him or email him. I guess my problem is the day we broke-up he reminded me that he had some of my things and I told him to throw them out I can replace the stuff in the future. Of course he didn't and hung on to them. I have some of his things that he can live without. I just got rejected by this man and my heart broken I don't want to hear from him and have it just be about exchanging personal items. So I don't know if I should call him and tell him forget it or should I call and declare my love for him? I still can't understand how he can fall out of love with me so fast when less than a week ago he told me I did so much for his self esteem and that I'm the only woman he ever truly loved. We are both divorced and our relationship together brought a happiness to us we never felt before. So sorry to ramble but if anyone has any advice that would be great. I don't understand why he did this but for now he left me with no closure so I'm trying to get my own so I can move on!

Updates:

+1 y

Okay I would like to say that in fact since we broke-up he has called 4 times and today he asked if I wanted to get together with him later this week. So I guess giving him space meaning not calling him and driving him crazy was what he needed to miss me.

Answer 1

Endymion

Xper 3

As little boys we're told not to hit little girls. When we fall down and hurt ourselves we're told not to cry, that girls cry. By the time we're school age we're also telling this to each other as well "Don't cry ya little girl". By the time we're in middle school we don armor (or padding) and pummel each other on fields of play, break bones, and bloody noses, but now we know better than to cry. From a young age we're conditioned to be strong, to not show weakness. By the time we're adults many of us have mastered this.

The truth is that it isn't easy for a guy to rearrange his heart and forget about a girl he truly loves, IF he truly loves her. It tortures us just as much as it tortures you. The difference is that we've become exceedingly good at masking our emotions by being conditioned to do so. When love fails us our hearts hurt just as much as yours, we're just better at not showing it. Believe it or not it's probably easier for a woman to get back into the dating scene. As guys generally have to make the first move and be on their 'game', that's a much harder thing to do with a broken heart. Conversely, a broken-hearted woman may not be open to advances, but she generally doesn't have to make them either.

I hope you recover soon, there isn't much that's worse than a broken heart.

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Answer 2

drstms

Xper 4

He is probably using some protective mechanisms he has learned in his past, in order to protect his self from the potential pain of you breaking up with him. Something may have happened that reminded him of pain he vowed to avoid in his past. In any case, pride is not the answer. If you want to know what happened, ask him. If he isn't man enough to face his issues and confess, let him go. If he is, let God show you where to go from here. In any case, ask God to make himself real in your life and He will, even becoming the romantic interest in your life, if you let Him. Then, after He has shown you who He made you to be, He will introduce you to the one He is preparing you for, and preparing for you.

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Answer 3

drstms

Xper 4

Try letting him take the lead for a while. Who knows, he may surprise you by showing you how much he cares, if he is the pursuer instead of the pursued.

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Why is it so easy for a guy to rearrange his heart and forget about a girl who he says he truly loves?

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