How important is compatibility in a relationship?


Recently I started liking my bestfriend, but the problem is that we are not compatible. I'm a sports guy, I like the outdoors and I also like playing boardgames and staying up late hanging out with friends. In the other hand, she doesn't like boardgames, she is not into sports but she will try them here and there, she doesn't like staying up late. She is very different from me but for some reason that I can't even answer myself, I like her a lot, and I could picture us dating. she's an amazing woman, I want the best for her and I care about her so much, and we always have a great time when we hang out, but... again, we are not compatible in many different ways.

What would you do if you werein my position? Would you date that person or seeing how different you both are would you rather not ruin the friendship? This brings me to the real question..

How important is compatibility in a relationship?

  • Very important
    Vote A
  • 50% important
    Vote B
  • Not important at all
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I kind of agree with Jetplane in the sense that not having the same interests does not mean you're not compatible. I think compatibility is about having the same values and being able to respect/tolerate each other's differences, not liking all the same things. That's one of the things that kills me about dating, i. e. that people won't date someone just because they don't both love the same rock group, the same TV shows and binge-watching Netflix.

    Having the same values means you think the same on most of the big things, like money and finances, having kids, how kids should be raised, cheating/monogamy, what you want out of life and a relationship... basically the stuff that causes people to get divorced vs stay together. Liking board games has nothing to do with the ability of a relationship to endure. I'm pretty sure a lot of these divorced people liked the same things as their ex.

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    • Yes! That is very true actually. I also agree with Jetplane, you both couldnt have said it any betterπŸ–’ thank you!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Nah man, interests play just one part in compatibility. My girlfriend and I have various difference but we also have our similarities. I'm sure you can find something you both share. It is honestly how well you both can be and exist together. Whether you understand her personality and she understands yours. And accepts it. Like, you can't be mad if she doesn't play sports but appreciates when she tries and vice versa with things she likes.

    That is compatability, wanting the best and giving the best for each other. Interests just help you get there faster. Good luck mate!

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 11

  • Very.. if you want it to last :)

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  • I think that you are compatible... but you just have different interests. Interests change over time. I know mine have! I have gain some, and dropped others. It's constantly evolving. The interests I have now, aren't the same interests I had 5 years ago, and they won't be the same ones I will have 5 years from now. I might have maybe one to two that remain the same, but like I said. They are constantly changing.

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    • Hmm interesting! πŸ€” that helps a lot actually! Thank you for the comment! πŸ‘Œ

    • That's ok! Cheers! 🍻

  • my husband and I don't have much in common except that we both support each other in whatever we choose to do in our life. He chooses his hobbies and I choose mine and I don't pressure him to do my stuff and he doesn't pressure me to do his stuff. Some times we do our hobbies side by side in bed... and we talk to each other about life.

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    • Wow! That's very interesting. So when you guys go out and do activities, do you do them separately or together?

    • Separately, he goes out with his friends and I go with mine. But I do my bible studies in bed with him next to me painting.

  • I think you're confusing compatibility with shared interests. My husband likes computer games, DC Comics, board/ card games, and dogs. He doesn't like going out around people at all. I don't really like games of any variety, I prefer the Marvel universe, I'm a cat person through and through, and I need to be around people every once in a while or else I get depressed.

    Hobby/ interest wise we stand on very little common ground, but we love each other more than anything and have one of the most successful & easygoing relationships that I've ever seen. Due to our compatibility we don't ever need to fight, we still get to do the things we love, and we're both very happy despite any compromises. Our personalities work with each other nearly flawlessly, and I think that's what compatibility really is.

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  • opposite attract go for it

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  • In you're case you're already best friends which means the compatibily is already there. What matters now is whether you are able to move feelings from friendship to romantic.

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    • That's true! Thats the hardest part. Any suggestions on how to do that?

    • Have a chat with her to see if she feels the same. Or ask her on a date.

  • hmm not really that important. I think you should ask her out

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    • I will eventually πŸ™‚

  • Very important

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  • I bet you guys might have a couple things in common. Even if you don't maybe you guys can come up with something you guys like doing together that maybe neither one of you have done before. Like my boyfriend and I have come up with hobbies that we do together now that we didn't even do before. It is pretty cool.

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  • I say you're compatible just different interests. That may or may not be an issue it depends on you, her and what you both want. I used to be all for giving it a try especially when everything else was great, I still would if that person was willing to compromise and do things I like so we could spend more time together. (as I would too)

    Some people are okay with living sorta separate lives from the relationship and doing their interests alone or with other people then come home to their gf/bf. Some are not. I am like that but would indeed want to spend time with them doing things I like or they liked as I said before. That's where compromise comes in on both ends or it will cause gaps in your relationship or one person gets stuck doing it all (like I did.) So make sure you're both on the same page and they hold up their end.

    End summary - Figure out if you're more independent or want to bond more then figure out which she is. Ask her if she were to date someone opposite of her that had different interests would she be okay with it why or why not and would she be willing to compromise.

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    • WOW! best answer hands down. You're right I'm gonna ask her what she thinks. But other than that your comment helped a lot thank you! I wish i saw your comment earlier. But you deserve the MHG

    • You're so welcome! Glad I could help at least :) hope it went well for you!

  • somewhat important

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What Guys Said 7

  • Compatibility is the very important in a relationship. I don't really believe in the fact that opposite attract, yes that is the theory of magnetism in physics but that theory doesn't work in human relationships. At least I don't believe it does.

    Relationship dynamics/physics are totally different than physics in science. Yes, compatibility should be very high but not 100% otherwise it will becoming boring as well, with no challenge whatsoever.

    Hence according to me compatibility should be greater than 80% but less than 100%. 80% is good, 90% is very high and good as well, anything more than that would be going towards near perfection but as long as it is less than 100%, there will be some differences, some challenges and so things will be interesting between the two people involved.

    Hence according to me its very important.

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    • I agree with you! I don't believe that opposites attract either. But you are right though. There should be there has to be some compatibility in the relationship.

  • Compatibility is extremely important. But what you described is not necessarily compatibility, at least not the way I think of it. You don't need to play board games to be compatible. You don't need to both be into sports or anything like that.

    To me, compatible means you can be in the same room and be completely comfortable around each other. It means neither of you have any habits that really annoy the other. It means you both know when you give each other space, when to let the other do their own thing. It means you don't fight all the time. It means you can discuss things openly and work out any difference you have.

    It simply means you get along well. You don't have to be in each other's face 24/7. It's perfectly OK to have different interests and do things apart. If you are in your comfort zone around her, and she is in her comfort zone around you, then you are compatible.

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  • I consider it very important but compatibility doesn't necessarily boil down to the interests you share in common in advance.

    That was the case with my wife. We both surprised each other that we ended up dating each other, and initially it seemed like we had nothing in common.

    Just as an example, I liked skateboarding vert, binge drinking, partying like an idiot, and I come from STEM. I'm not a cultured person whatsoever. She liked fine wine, opera and classical music, traveling, was a reserved kind of person, and came from arts and humanities. I actually thought she might be a snob at first but just based on first impressions. Even our mutual friends were shocked when we started dating since they couldn't imagine a bigger mismatch.

    However, what we discovered is that we initially had an incredibly strong compatibility sexually and when it came to communication. I could talk to her in a way that I couldn't with any other girl, even a former fiance that I lived with. With most girls I had to filter my thoughts a lot, be very tactful, or risk offending with some of my cruder thoughts. With her, she was such a calm person that I could share some of my most unfiltered thoughts and she would not get upset. As a result it felt like she understood me better than any other girl for the simple reason that I could share things with her in a much more unfiltered kind of way.

    Last but not least, we discovered we did have a great deal of compatibility in interests. Even though we didn't start with the same interests, she introduced me to all sorts of things I liked. I even ended up liking opera music, geez. She ended up liking practically all the things I liked and I even got her into skateboarding on a half-pipe. Now we have largely the same interests.

    She ended up culturing me a bit. It's like now I know that I shouldn't eat spaghetti with my hands (exaggerating a little bit). I ended up unleashing her inner idiot and she even ended up adopting this crude sense of humor which she didn't have before. It's like we ended up influencing and corrupting each other to a point where we now have a great deal in common.

    You might potentially have this kind of "meta-compatibility" with this girl: the potential to find a great deal of compatibility even if you didn't seem to have it in advance.

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  • Its one of the three C's... so im guessing VERY important? compatibility is stronger than Love mate...

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  • It's very important but I agree that different interests are not that import for being compatible. What is important is having similar expectations and standards for yourselves and others. I. e. if you both value financial stability, or you both want similar types of lives in the future, that is what will matter the most and actually cause issues I think. Having different interests isn't going to make you get into arguments, but having different standards for how you live probably will.

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  • yiu don't need to be the perfect match, just at least one thing in common will suffice I think.

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  • Compatibility is to a relationship as water is to an ocean.

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