Mixed signals, does he just need space or is it really over????

My boyfriend and I had just had our 1 year anniversary. I have PMDD and just found out. He said he will be there for me while I go through this and getting better. I have jealousy/insecurity issues because while we were just dating he stopped seeing me and went back to his ex. He said he needed to know that it was over for sure with her, and while he was with her he would still text me all the time. He since dropped her and has been mine. We have our ups and downs, but he always says that he loves me, wants to marry me, move in and have kids. I never ask him for this, it's always him saying these things. He is so affectionate, but sometimes we disagree and he doesn't want to fight. He tells me stop but I keep texting him because I want to figure things out so to not have these same fights again. The whole week was good, but then, Thursday we got in one of our little text fights, well I thought it was little. He then told me that it's over and he's done. Then Saturday he texts me that he dropped off the movies at my house that I'd asked him for last week, and at the end of the text he writes "xo".So later that night I text him to ask him, is it really over or do you need a break. It started as a break then he got pissed and said he couldn't do it anymore and its over.

All of his actions, affection, kindness and words of our future tell me he loves me, but his words saying its done don't.

I can't figure it out, should I just give him space and he'll come back or is he really fed up? He hasn't told me to come get my stuff from his house, he hasn't said anything and its Tuesday, the last time I texted him and he texted me was Sunday morning.

I don't know what to do or what this is, is he really done with us, after the promises of our future and his shown love for me?

Please help, I'm devastated and don't know what to do.

Yep he called me, he says he misses me and loves me but needs space, he says "give it time, for us".


Most Helpful Guy

  • I do believe that if you give him time, he will come around.

    But my question to you is, do you really want a life time of this kind of treatment?

    If he's doing this now, he's going to do it later. It's part of his personality, and it's ingrained into his behavior.

    Do you want to be 15 years into a marriage, with small children when he decides to yell that he's done, it's over and storms out of the house in front of them?

    Do you understand how traumatizing that would be for them?

    I'm all for love and long term, comitted relationships, but sometimes when we evaluate our partners and they fit the mold that we envisioned, we have to think about the things they bring with them that we didn't envision.

    And understand, this isn't my plea for you to leave him, I'm just trying to present something for you to consider. If you're ok with this, then by all means go for it, but understand he is who he is. Me personally, I'm nobody's victim.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • So what is your decision?

    • I haven't made a decision, I am getting kind of mad though, like he can just drop someone out of his life, we talked and it sounded good, but I haven't made or had any contact with him in a couple of days, when we did talk, he said he loved me and miss me "A LOT" but didn't know what to do, he said he's always been in relationships and hasn't had any time for himself, I told him that I never hold him back, and if he wanted to be with someone he would be able to accomplish his goals with me there

    • It's not that he can drop someone out of his life necessarily.

      This kind of problem that he has, typically is a "in the moment" reaction. Afterwards, the person is aware that they over reacted and they feel bad and want to fix the relationship. Most of the time, they don't know how to. People who react this way typically don't have emotional coping tools, or the ability to empathize. Therefore, in the wake of their tyrade, they don't know what to do.

  • Well sweetheart you learned a lesson about men.

    Here's the secret men will sweet,and whisper sweet nothings into a woman's ear.

    From time to time men need a little time alone.

    Give him some time and he'll start missing you.

    Call me old fashion,but some old fashion advice is still better than the now advice.

  • Before doing anything, be sure your PMDD isn't creating mixed signals in your mind. Wait until after your period to think things through and make a decision. The same biological problems that come with the PMDD also alter your thinking. Women that have known about their PMDD for a long time learn to wait until after the hormones stabilize before making any important decisions.


What Girls Said 2

  • First of all never ask if its over because when a guy is insecure he will try to find the easiest way out.

    Try to see him again and tell him it's really important. Make sure its someone alone. When he gets there tell him how you feel about him. assuming that you love him alot. " (name) I love you so much, and I cannot picture living without you in my life, I know that we've had a few fights but fights can only make us stronger because If you love someone enough then you will always forget about the fights and think about the good times you've had with them. I don't want you to go because I know that if we keep going now that we can make it everything better."

    something like that.

    then open the door to talking about things and asking questions on how to improve how you contribute to the relationship. Like say he says that you don't say I love you enough or your never there. you can fix that, and so can he. I wish you he best of luck!

  • maybe he was just angry and needed to think.just give him some time and maybe he'll call you and apologize