What would you do if your significant other felt jealous of your friend?

I don't think that my boyfriend likes my male best friend... he won't come out and say it, but I could tell based on the way he acts. Sometimes when my friend calls me, he walks away and says "oh go talk to your husband". I always reassure him that we've known each other for years and I don't look at him that way. What are some things/ways that you'd handle a situation like this? And yes, my friend and I go places together, but never thought it was bad because he has female friends.

  • Explain to my significant other that there is absolutely nothing to be jealous of
    Vote A
  • Let my significant other go, because jealousy is a huge turn off
    Vote B
  • Encourage my friend to be mutual friends with us both
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him to stop being so insecure. I would have a problem with my girl hanging around a guy she used to sleep with but other than that, have fun with your friends. I look at it like this, if your going to cheat and fuck around on me, your going to do it regardless of if I know the guy or not. Your going to do it and there is nothing I can do about it. He should know that it makes him less attractive being so insecure. It actually drives the other person into cheating when you act that way. Girls start to question how great you are if you are so jealous and than they go, hmmm maybe the other guys better.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Explain but if he never accepts that my friend is important to me and not a threat then byyyyye boy! Lol

    Seriously. Jealously is bullshit. You either trust me or you don't, and I can't be bothered to waste my time on someone who doesn't trust me.

    This actually was the number one issue in all of my dating attempts up until I met my boyfriend. My 2 best friends are guys. My boyfriend has never once taken any issue with them at all. Shit, I've slept over at their houses and shared hotel rooms with them and he doesn't give a shit lol he knows they're my bros and isn't a child :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • Well first of all, is your male friend straight? Second of all would you consider him somewhat attractive? And also how would you feel about your boyfriend/significant other spending a bunch of solo time with a female friend (that is straight/somewhat attractive depending on your answers to your first 2 questions I asked)?

    Also you gotta think, your significant other should be the #1 man in your life (#1 woman if you're a guy), but it sounds like your significant other may be your #2 or #1A/B.

    Try putting yourself in his shoes and imagine how it would make you feel if the roles were reversed.

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    • Nah, he has female friends as well and I don't care because I trust him. He considers them his sisters and no I am nowhere near attracted to my male best friend in ANY way. I'll tell him that his shirt is nice, that is it. My boyfriend has very attractive female friends and tbh, one of them is an ex who's with another person and has a child with another person. So...

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    • Honestly, I don't spend that much solo time with my male friend, maybe once or twice a month. Twice on the month of his birthday or a big holiday like Christmas. Secondly, he works with one and they drive into and out of work everyday so they literally see each other everyday lol. I think its pretty reasonable tbh. I probably should've added that in the question but honesty the question was really to ask YOU what would you do lol

    • Well I can't quite tell you what to do if I don't know the whole story lol Sounds like he's trippin'. Try explaining to him logically everything you just explained to me. That you really don't spend that much time with this dude, and that he spends time with his female friends and you don't really care. Logic should work if truly is a man lol Except nowadays, logic seems to get thrown at the window and it's all about feelings lol

  • Option D...

    Find out what they problem is and adjust my Friendship so it doesn't affect my girlfriend. If your GF/BF isn't the most important person... you shouldn't be together.

    I'd also have my girlfriend hang-out with, get to know the friend more and know she's just a friend... so She more comfortable with me hangout with her.

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    • Smart move. He's met him before actually but told me he's not really into the same things as he is.

    • Well they have the MOST IMPORTANT thing in common... YOU.

      They need to find a common ground... get to know each other... or you will end up having to PICK 1 over the other.

    • Okay that's true...

  • Have a real talk with him about what specifically bothers him about your friendship and listen to what he has to say.

    Mostly because of his statement ""oh go talk to your husband". makes me think there may be some legitimacy to how he feels and as his girlfriend you should take his emotions into consideration, rather than approaching this from the intent of just trying to get him off your back about it. I'm not saying he's right. I think it's always a bad idea for a guy to show jealousy in a relationship. But I also know what it's like to hear your girlfriend regularly talk about other guys or to bring up a situation she had with a guy at work followed by the words "and he's such a jerk".
    That's a guy who effected her emotions powerfully and how he responds to that could push her towards that guy or pull you closer to him, because of his reaction to this other dude.

    Whether you like it or not, unless he knows this dude he cannot just immediately trust him just because you consider this guy a friend. In your boyfriends eyes all he knows is there is another guy in your life and his label is friend. But he doesn't know the relationship. He doesn't know the chemistry. He doesn't know he can trust the guy. He doesn't really know anything other than you and what you've personally said about the guy. Which from the quote your boyfriend gave above apparently is a lot. I imagine maybe he's more bothered with you bringing another guy up so much or taking time to talk to another guy on the phone, when you're spending time with your guy.

    I can imagine how I'd feel as boyfriend if my girlfriend was regularly taking another guys call while she's with me. Talk to him and figure out what's up and take how he's feeling seriously. Now he may be completely off base, but that doesn't mean you to disregard or not regard his emotions.

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    • I always use the example of my close female friend Emily. She's married to her now husband Mike. When they first started dating Emily often talked about me to Mike, because we're close friends and had a lot of fun experiences together. He heard about me for months. Then he met me in person. We hung out together and he got to see me, the type of person I am and more importantly how Emily and I interacted with one another. He spoke to me in a one on one convo like a month or so later, when he and I became friends in our own right that when he first met me he was SUPER nervous. Because Emily was always talking about me. Talking about how fun and cool I was, then he met me and also thought I was really cool and measuring himself up against me. But over the course of a month or so getting to know me he could finally relax and see that I was for real JUST a friend and not the type of guy that would be sniffing around his girl, under the guise of friendship or that I always had a thing for her

  • I can't abandone my friends. If my SO has problems with my friends then she has to keep those to herself or admit to my face that she doesn't trust me around them in which case we can't be together if there isn't trust.
    Though if the friend does start flirting herself then, of course, I'll remind her that I'm taken.

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    • Umm... are your friends male?

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    • Don't get me wrong, I actually agree with you, flirting has it's purpose but there are many people who continue to insist that flirting can be done for fun.

    • Flirting is fun... when you're single lol. If my guy friend flirted with me while I was single I'd have no issue with it at all. At that point, we're just two adults having fun.

  • I love how most of the opinions below state something alone the lines of, "If they can't trust me with friends of the opposite sex, then they don't deserve to be with me."

    Here's the thing: My ex had numerous "friends" of the opposite gender. I tried to trust her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, but she wound up sleeping with THREE of those supposed "friends" while we were together.

    Yeah, if you have friends of the opposite sex that you hang out with one on one, that's an issue. I would definitely question it.

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  • here is my 2 cents. first of all there is no automatic leave ur friend or leave ur SO. so scrap that.
    first thing to do is find out why he feels this way.
    if after a talk like a real let it all out talk you find out that ur guy either knows things you don't because let's face it. ur male friend won't tell u all of what he wants to do with you or what he gets away with with you.
    most the things your doing that ur guy may not like you may not even see as a big deal like he does. get more info.
    I'm not saying ur doing anything wrong purposely but keep in mind ur male friend ull let as close as ur SO and he might take advantage of it and ur not gonna think anything funny about it but ur man will see it clear as day.

    if ur man is being jealous and has no proper reason for his actions then yeah he might have to go. he may change and I would give anyone the benefit of the doubt but most people don't change so keep that in mind.

    what I'll also recommend is don't think that because what ur man has an issue with may be small to you that he is wrong. get a second opinion because we don't always think straight when it's someone you trust deeply.

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  • You've made what should be the most important man in your life compete with your friend for your attention and time. And you invalidate and dismiss his feelings as jealousy. Unsurprisingly he's not impressed. Many would not be.

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    • Oh please. I asked you to answer the question, not judge and tbh, he has female friends. One of them is his ex who is married and has a child with another and no I am not jealous of any of them because I have no reason to be.

    • Fair enough. You did ask a question. Just seemed to me you were looking at it from the wrong perspective but I've said my piece. Good luck, in any case.

  • I consider jealousy to be one of the worst personality characteristics for someone I'd date, so option B for me.

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  • Honestly it comes down to how much YOU value both relationships and what you're willing to go through to maintain them. However, it sounds to me like you are constantly reminding your significant other that there is nothing going on between you and your guy friend than just a strong friendship. Personally, I find constant jealousy not just a huge turn-off, but a deal-breaker. Don't get me wrong, a little jealousy is a good sign in certain cases, because it means that they are committed to you. However, when a significant other is so jealous that it starts affecting your own personal freedom, it's no longer "cute", it's just flat-out selfish of them. Unless you REALLY love this man and are willing to sacrifice a long-standing friendship to make him happy, I would suggest you basically tell him that if he really has that much of a problem with you just hanging out with a friend, then maybe you shouldn't be together. Trust me, I've been through a situation almost EXACTLY like this, just with the genders flipped, and I can tell you that it's a lot harder to find a new best friend than to find a new boyfriend.

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  • None of those options, unless you really don't love your SO. You should leave your friend, unless you like them to, (be a thot I don't judge). And if you have a complex time picking one then he should leave you actually because you don't want him anyway.

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  • if you and your male friend go out together alone.. that's called a date.. no wonder your man is trippin.. I'm surprised he hasn't dropped you yet tbh..

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  • I would explain, but if they keep wanting to assume and get stupid about it, they can leave. I'm certainly not gonna let someone tell me who I can and can't be friends with, I'm not into that controlling shit.

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  • this has to be cleared up. If an when you gals get a male friend he should not be in your personal life that is for you an yours not the world.. the first example is putting the shoe on the other foot. how would you feel?

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  • My recent partner she was jealous of all my fm friends even ones iv known up top 10 years for with really did my head in cause i hang out with a lot with the boys but soon as i started going out with her i couldn't see them anymore. I was more then happy to meet her male friends but she doesn't have any here... if your gonna go out with someone you should except them for who they are

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  • jealousy is never good in a relationship so it's best nipped in the bud as soon as possible

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  • I have ways of making sure she wouldn't get jealous.

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  • Where's the "Respect your boyfriend and stop hanging out with someone he has a problem with" answer?

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    • Well, he has female friends too... it's not fair and very hypocrite of anybody.

    • He should respect that she is allowed to have friends

    • Of course she can have friends. But this one person in particular he doesn't like. What if he sees something troublesome about the guy that she doesn't? Wait till later to say "i told you so?"

  • nothing...

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What Girls Said 7

  • To be honest with you, you need to let him go. If he himself cannot find himself resolving his personal issues then he doesn't need to be with you. Jealousy is not a good personality trait, and it shouldn't be tolerated. If there isn't anything going on between you and your male friend then it should be left that way, unless you or your male friend gives your boyfriend a reason to be concerned.

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    • I'm not going to let him go but thank you for the advice.

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    • i hate drama also but he clearly has something she wants so I just say let her find out what's up from him then move to step 2

    • @MB311985 She overall has to make the decision on her own. Because it is not about him being a good guy but how he is treating her. Both overall needs to grow and learn as a couple and as a person. But if he is, again, not doing the most basic things such as communicating then she can't be responsible for what he does afterward. I'm speaking from experience with this. I get so many people telling me I should major in psychology because of this. Because I am aware. I am a problem solver as well. But when you have stubborn people who refuse to work and cooperate with you, you can't force a horse to drink water. And that is exactly what is going on. He doesn't want to cooperate and tell her anything. She said so herself. So again, it's her burden to bare. Not mine. Both sadly will learn the hard way.

  • I might feel a bit jealous if its early in the relationship, he might feel a bit jealous too because we are in it together. I think its natural to feel that way but not go overboard with those feelings because extreme Jealousy can drive a person mad (crazy) Ex: Penguins and many other creatures will fight for their mate. I believe it is a natural instinct when it comes to mating with someone and feeling that other person which is the third wheel has more attention than the person who is in committed relationship with that person might be a sticky situation because its called emotional cheating.

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  • it's because you two have a bond that he doesn't have with you. since it's been years that makes it worse. tell him everything, talk to him about it and then you can decide.

    the more he knows the better because he will either become less insecure
    or hate it. at least it will make your mind up on what to do

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  • You tube Matthew Hussey Can men and women just be friends?

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    • I don't do male friends. That has always ended up bad for me... They always want more... But that is my experience.

  • Based off my experience with this, the only way my boyfriend at the time let go of his jealousy is when he became friends with my male friend as well.

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  • men are possessive. it happens all the time. even explaining won't do any good sometimes. but you try your best

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  • Well I dealt with something similar. Except my boyfriend is the one with all the female friends. The male friends I tried to have... well he told me he "didn't like it" when a guy friend said something on FB or something. Out of respect I didn't talk to my guy friends as much. Which I think thats good to kinda back off with friends of the opposite gender but not completely. Ask your boyfriend to hang with you guys and get to know him. Maybe stop hanging out one on one so much cause to me I wouldn't like if my boyfriend did that with girls. Some guys are just like that though but you have to have a serious talk with him. My boyfriend eased up a little after we talked and now things are ok. Good luck!

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