My my husband and I are starting a family and we decided that it would be best if he stayed at home with our future kids until they're at least old enough to start school. He won't work 9-5 but he will do contract work on the side and earn a small amount when he can. Probably no more than a couple thousand a year.
The problem is all of our family and friends have an opinion on our decision and they're all negative. We didn't ask them for their thoughts and we don't care. But it's really starting to get to me. How can I best respond to someone who disagrees with our choice?
I feel like if the gender was reversed and I was the stay at home parent instead, no one would blink an eye
Just to clarify the situation and answer some of your questions, we are currently 6 months pregnant with baby #1 and we both want more than one child.
I'm making over 6 figures doing a job I actually really like. I love my work and my coworkers and there's almost never any overtime. If I ever were to lose my job, I could easily find another one that pays the same if not more than my current position. And if you're curious I'm a programmer
Most Helpful Guy
you can do what you feel is right and tell them that that was ur choice. however, just to understand where their opinion is coming from, more details are needed:
- why is he staying home (there s nothing wrong with that, just need to understand).
is it coz your field makes more money, coz u are currently employed and not him, you can find a job more easily due to experience, or just a simple choice with no major reason...
and what is their negative input about? just gender based or do they have some other concerns? were they against the marriage alltogether due to education/work/financial situation? do they usually have a positive attitude towards you or just nag at everything? are you in a country that has standards for gender and work?
i peraonally would understand if they are suggesting both of u should work to make a better living, however if its just about gender and who takes which role, in times where equality should now be a standard, this shouldn't be an issue anymore. im sure he ll have a lot of value to give for the children, and thats not an easy role to fill. all the best1
Most Helpful Girl
Congrats on the baby! And good on you for making so much money that he can stay home with the baby.
I think the only thing you can do in this case is to keep defending yourself. Say that:
- You earn more than enough to live comfortably
- Your husband is happy with the arrangement, and so are you
- If something were to happen, your husband can still start working and you can figure something else out
- You're not willing to have the same discussion over and over, and you will not keep listening to their negative opinions since they're neither objective nor constructive
Make it a point to stop the conversation before it even starts. Shoot it down. And if they won't listen, remove yourself from the situation without saying anything. They can't keep fighting with you if you keep shooting them down. At some point, hopefully, they will realize that you want to do this and that it's your choice. Might seem a little bit childish to ignore them or deny having the conversations, but if they won't listen then why should you? Especially when it's none of their business? By responding and reacting to them trying to fight, you're basically just feeding into it. At some point you just have to stop those conversations from even happening.2