What should you expect when moving in with a SO?

A few days ago my boyfriend told me if certain things work out then he may move in next month. Obviously I am very excited. I’ve lived with him before while we were away at college.

This experience made me think of what advice people may want to give others about moving in with their SO. What advice would you give? What would you expect?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally, I think you have to live with someone for 2 years or so in order to really get to know them, lots of what you will learn, is the other stuff... like “oh... bleh” - the dirty habits, smell their farts, they just go from cute to simply really human, and annoying. However, you are either the type of person, where all of it will make you even closer or you will look forward to the day you have your own space again.
    Best advise: don’t try to change him all the time. You will want to. Learn the difference between asking someone to be considerate of you, and trying to change them, they aren’t the same

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    • Honestly, in my opinion, it’s the #1 mistake girls do in relationships, they don’t see a difference or know how to

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    • Something tells me you are just excited is all, and want to make it happy. Maybe it’s more of a feeling of being in love, as it’s hard to think of ones own needs, boundaries and how the other one can help you, when all you feel like is to make them happy.
      Just know this, this intense feeling, it isn’t going to always feel like that, and your feelings can solve all relationship challenges, so you need to talk to some older women, who have been married awhile, ask for advice, and challenge yourself to enable a successful marriage through both feelings and wisdom

    • That is very wise. Thank you

Most Helpful Girl

  • Moving in with a partner is very exciting but also comes with it's challenges. You have two separate lifestyles coming together as one so if you aren't on the same page, that can lead to some frustration.

    For example, when I moved in with my boyfriend, I was SO annoyed at some of his habits and the way he maintained his apartment (of course I knew some of these things before moving in, but you don't really see the FULL aspect of the other person's living habits until you actually live together). He found some of my habits annoying as well. Ultimately, it just takes patience, communication and compromise to work it out.

    Another important thing is privacy and personal space. Living together doesn't automatically mean you have to be together ALL the time and share everything. It's still good to have your separate interests and time alone (at least for me, that's important). It's okay to ask for space and do things by yourself sometimes, even when you live together!

    Honesty and communication about finances is VERY important as well when you live with your partner. Your financial decisions don't just impact yourself anymore, it impacts the other person too so it's always good to talk about that before moving in and figure out how you're going to share the financial responsibilities when you live together.

    Those are the main things I would advise a couple moving in together to think about. :)

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What Guys Said 57

  • Rent first - that way neither of you are locked in on a mortgage.. I know it's common for people to do this these days but in my perfectly honest opinion I wouldn't agree to move in with someone again till I was ready to pop the question.

    Thats just me!

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    • Well I’m regards to question popping, he said this year.

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    • Well that seems like you're both headed in a positive direction then. Expect to see the dirtiest side of him then, although in five years I expect you already really know what it will be like to live with him.

    • Have the apartment in your name only so in case it doesn't work out you're not stuck on the street or fighting over the apartment

  • It is a big step moving in with each other. I would suggest having a talk bout bills and what you expect him to contribute financially. Most break ups happen because of money issues so straighten them out before moving in.

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    • Well I don’t think we need that talk quite yet, I still live at home with my mom because I’m paying my way through college. But we certainly will when we get a place of our own.

    • Bills are a bi... t?

  • realize they are people too and have a different way of living/doing things that might not vibe with you. the smallest things might get under your skin and its important to bring them up if they do bother you, but not to be disrespectful or mean about it. being able to compromise yourself is also important.

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  • First off, stop calling them a SO and just say Significant other or lover

    Maybe you should consider the size of the living space
    The habits you both have
    where each of you will sleep
    Etc.

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  • If I were to move in with my girlfriend I wouldn’t expect her to do anything like cooking and cleaning I mean I would expect her to help but not do all the work and I would expect us both to work and every morning I wake up before everyone so it’s going to be the same with her which means I’m going to wake up and make her breakfast because I’m a nice person and I care about her

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  • Ground rules on the toaster... you know you ain't going to like it the same, so you need to make sure you check each time you turn it on :'(

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  • Maybe not in your case because you've already lived together before, but generally you're going to find out "new" things about them and how they are/like/live from day to day. Things maybe that bug/bother you lol. Could be little things, but it will "test" how well your relationship is and if you guys can "handle" it. For example, maybe he leaves dirty dishes lying around the house/apt and it drives you crazy! lol

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  • RED FLAG NUMBER ONE. The Boy shouldn't be moving in with the girl. That's first sign of a problem down the road.

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    • I don’t see why that would be.

      He has a shitty home life. His parents are controlling and manipulative. He’s finally leaving to be somewhere he’s loved.

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    • An explanation of why you think that would be would be nice.

    • Why? Because of the notion us males *must* provide?
      If I have a shitty home and my girlfriend has a great home, I will NOT let her move to my home. I will choose to move to hers.

      I don't see anything wrong with it as long as us guys contribute and not be a burden..

  • Hey guys, if you think your room or better yet your house is going to look the same as it did before your SO moved it, Welp your wrong. My room went from tech nerd to plushie in every corner of everything...

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    • Maybe she wants things extra soft to make babies on. 😉

    • Well I do have a incredibly soft bed now that gets fucked on quite a lot

  • Since you have lived together before you should pretty much know what to expect. The advice I always give people who are serious and considering marriage at some point you should live together for at least a year because by then you will know what it is like to be married to them.

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  • The smart move is discussing about things from the start. Who should handle what are to be planned from the beginning. Some personal habits might be annoying but just accept him as he is.
    Arguments and misunderstandings will happen more but just handle them in your own style LOL. Good luck!

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  • What girls should expect: Tons of pubic hair on rim of toilet seat with tiny like sand like speckles sprinkled throughout (that's the dead skin cells that flake off the scrotum after scratching balls) 2. A bedroom that smells like a blend of fart, semen, sweat and dirty socks 3. Expired milk and food that has molded in the refrigerator 4. A dog that likes to watch you two hump with awe and a tilted head 5. Dirty dishes that have been sitting there for so long that you need a flame thrower to nuke crusted food off plates 6. Continuous sports on television

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    • Thats the best!!!
      Guys and girls upvote this

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    • @Syrian_survivor exactly my point!!

    • Hey man uni life & dorms isn't always easy 😂
      Just being real, you do you

  • Make sure this is something that will be the best for both of you
    Make sure you both agree on what bills need paid and what is
    separate and what belongs to who.

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  • Well every little habit you both have will show itself and the littlest things can get on each other’s nerves and if one of you snore then that’s another thing. One of you will be messier than the other too

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  • Expect those cute little annoyances to stop being so cute anymore and start becoming legit annoying.

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  • I'm pretty simple when it comes to living with another. Cuddle time and dont mind it when I cook meals lol. Other wise I'm a open to anything.

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  • Be yourself keep ot simple, don't try to be someone you are not. Eventually one wilk get hurt

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  • longs u both hav a good communication with each other and are planning for long term which is marriage yea

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  • That whatever small issues you may have, need to be addressed prior to him moving in such as, the way the toilet roll faces, or washing dishes or even frequency of sex if necessary. The small things can make or break a relationship, because those small things naturally are amplified when you go from just encountering them whenever you see him to encountering them every single day. Often this is the stage where people find out if they can take their relationship to the next step, and often all it takes to make it work is a few prior ground rules like who pays what bill, groceries, or who cooks. In my experience you shouldn't just expect the other person know what's expected of them, regardless of how trivial, it's in your best interest to just mention it so that you're both on the same page.

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  • My own bedroom, not wanting to share a bed at all until marriage. Aside from that, just basic appliances like a washer and dryer, decent size shower, etc. I also wouldn’t be too picky about messiness. lol

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What Girls Said 38

  • Granted my boyfriend temporarily only moved in with me for a month, I would say that it’s not massively different.
    I was worried that we’d become annoyed with each other and start fighting, but it actually went really well. It wasn’t much different from living alone, like I didn’t really have to adjust my routine. And it was nice to have someone home when I came home.
    The only thing I can really say is that you’ll probably see his quirks a bit more up close. Like leaving dishes or cups here and there. They might annoy you or they might not. If they do, I’d suggest just talking to him about it :) my boyfriend used to not wring out the rag after cleaning with it, which meant that it got dirtier a lot faster. Plus it was extra gross to grab it when it was cold and soaking wet. I just told him to quit it and he did, lol.
    We also have different schedules. I work in the evening which meant that we could only eat dinner together a couple of days a week. Made it so that we had to discuss food requirements quite often.
    Otherwise if you have a healthy relationship, it won’t be much different. Just communicate your wants and expectations, as well as let him know if you want certain things to be a certain way (and vice versa).

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  • Be ready to compromise. Communicate about issues early on, before they blow up. Never shy away from communicating and discussing things. It’s always better to hash stuff out than it is to have people misunderstanding each other and hiding their feelings. That will poison your whole relationship.

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    • Well then I guess it’s a good thing we already do all this.

      Thanks!

    • Good! Then you’re on the right track.

      I think couples ultimately should not move in until they are able to do this. So many people these days fail to realize the importance of good communication practices. Moving in before you’re able to master communication is a recipe for disaster.

    • I agree!

  • expect to learn about all of his quirks and habits.
    you'll both be needing to have a talk about what to expect from each other in the way of sharing the work load.
    ❤don't ❤forget❤ to❤ keep❤ dating❤ each ❤other ❤.
    it'll keep the romance from fizzling out.
    always say please and thank you even for the littlest things. ❤😘

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  • Good question. We were already extremely close when we moved in together full time after we got married. We'd shared tons of nights stayed over at each other's house, weekends and whole weeks together at my family's beach house at the ocean. So there were clues of how he did things around the house, he was kind of spoiled by his mom and little sister growing up; so he was a bit rusty on clean up. I grew up with two brothers using the same bathroom. So I already knew about the bathroom smells, wiskers lining the sink, peeing in and on the toilet, seat up, water all over the counter, toothpaste on the counter, mirror and a little bit in the sink. He didn't live up to my brothers cleanliness standards, he's much cleaner thankfully!
    He likes to stay up an hour or two later some nights and weekends then come cuddle up his cold self with my warm toasty comfortable sleepy self which wakes me right up!! He sees nothing wrong with that because I love snuggling with him! I have left my feet hang out from under the covers and rubbed them on his warm back, he just doesn't get the connection so it's no fun! We sleep naked so there's always lots of bare skin to rub a cold body part onto!!
    If anything it was the bedroom that took the most getting used to, not the sex part that's expected and encouraged by both of us, it's the sleeping together part that takes the most getting used to! I mean most of us grow up having a whole bed to ourselves where we can spread out and get comfy under the covers all alone, comfortably!! Then he starts sharing my queen size bed every night, I'm not sure how or why he needs 75% plus more room than I do, after all he's not 75% bigger than I am! He just says its him getting close to me so he can snuggle, I can't argue with that so I guess he can have his half and the quarter we snuggle in!!
    We grew up together, as best friends if I wasn't at his house he was at mine. We lived just a couple of houses apart on the same road, so we knew lots of little secret things about the other! I'd already seen him and his bed hair. His grumpy self, when he wakes up I knew to have the coffee ready if we were going to have any logical conversation! I knew that if I was going to tell him anything in the morning, he had better already have downed at least half of the first cup of coffee or he won't remember any of it!
    Thankfully I knew him pretty well before we moved in together! I knew what I was getting and so did he!

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  • Oh my goodnesss! Those annoying little things like using my shampoo and not putting it back in its place, the fight iver blankets and covers... never ending (he is always hot and i seem to be cold all the time so when it gets humid we stay up at night or someone sleeps on the couch due to overheating but im still frosty 😂 empty milk cartons in the fridge in the morning... only in the morning tho... that thing he does with his clothes after work... like strip down and put it in my laundry basket even after i put an extra out for oily greasy really messy ones that needs an extra long wash with super detergent and another quick wash sometimes aswel. He never gets that right... never. its been a while and i still do laundry LOUDLY like swearing half the time.
    Otherwise living with an significant other is great.. you learn a lot more about each other and you grow together as people and closer. Its a good time to see if its going to last in the long run.
    I will admit... my boyfriend hates the lights being on after midnight. He likes his sleep and i like to work after midnight😂so we try our best to compromise. FOOOOODDDS. Goodluck in this category.

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  • Expect for him to leave the toilet seat up, get used to him smelling like work, peeing with door open, snoring when drunk, burping and farting shamelessly, and sleeping next to him when you're mad. If you can deal with all that, you're good! 👍 Good luck! 😁

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    • You may be doing it wrong! 😂 my partner is the one who burps and farts haha
      And never go to sleep mad! :(

    • Not gonna lie, sometimes we do go to sleep upset at each other, I know its a no-no, but it allows us to sleep on it. The following day one of us wakes up to an apology text.

    • Hmm! 😂 interesting!! Dont think my partner and I have ever had an argument or even a discussion that we didn't resolve in 15 minutes! I don't do conflict!! 😂

  • He will feel awkward at first, as it is your space he is "invading". I felt the same way when I moved in with my guy. For quite a while, I felt like a guest and not a partner.

    The only advice I can give you, which you may know already, is that if you have a row, NEVER go to sleep without making up. If you don't, it may be twice as bad in the morning.

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  • Just do you, all these people are saying living with someone amplifies their annoying habits but that only bugged me when my roommate was an alcoholic asshole. I've lived with my SO 7 years or so now and we don't annoy each other. I think the key is if something bugs you don't assume it is the other person's problem, if it bugs you you fix. If someone else has a different comfort level don't expect them to change to put you at ease.

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  • It really depends on who you are as a person. Some people go insane, many of my friends told me that it almost ended their relationship because the first six months is so hard. For me, it was easy. We were so alike and would listen to each other. You just gotta expect that someone isn't going to live exactly how you do so you gotta be willing to adjust.

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  • That finances are outlined before anyone moves and set in stone unless their is a detailed discussion anytime it has to be deviated from. There is no cavalier “I’ll pay double next month because I had to pay for something else now”.

    And to pick the battles that matter. Bringing up every tiny annoyance gets old quickly and leads to resentment and lowered self esteem. Saving the time to talk for serious matters means they’re more likely to be heard and taken on board, because obviously they’re important

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  • Just remember to use I statements and don't always assume.
    For example if he or she leaves their clothes all over the room, they don't do it to make you angry. Just say, "I feel happier if the house was more clean but I understand that you like to be able to be comfortable in your house" or whatever, seek first to understand than be understood and try to compromise as much as possible.
    (from 7 habits of highly effective people)

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  • I have lived with my SO for 5 years. We just recently decided it's best we live apart. One peice of advice from me is even though you two live together make space between each other when space is needed. That's the problem my SO and I had.. No space..

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  • The toliet seat left up and your guy missing the toilet when peeing

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    • That's bad when you miss it with it up. Lol

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    • @crazy8000 I have a boyfriend and 5 brothers as well as a father I'm well aware of men and their inabilities concerning toliet lol
      I have fallen in a few times.

    • And most men I have encountered in my life don't do it, a lot of females that do.

      You're brothers most likely do it because you father do it. most children tend to copy the parent behaviors that has the same gender.

  • Make sure you have your own space. I have my own art room and I bedroom if needed. I sleep in our bedroom most of the time but I have insomnia. It's nice to have a place to go and not worry my restlessness is bothering him. He also has his own entertainment/mancave as well as a work room.

    Even if you live together make sure you still have your own lives and friends.

    Figure out the finances before moving in together. We literally kept every joint receipt and bill one of us paid. At the end of the month one of us paid the one who paid more so everything was equal.

    Figure out who's doing what chores. Cooking, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, washing bedding, scrubbing showers, house maintenance, shoveling, mowing, etc.

    There's a lot of responsibilities but it's great to come home to someone special everyday.

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  • Living with someone else isn't easy. Whatever flaws he has at the moment, stuff about him that bugs you now - chances are you will experience them with an intensity you're not prepared for. You'll have to sort out expenses, house chores and other tasks, you'll have to make time together and also make time apart (yes, we also need space). You'll have to compromise, share, give up on some things. (I thought I'd give you the negative, cause I'm pretty sure you're aware of the positive) :) don't let the negative stuff hold you back though. Everything in life that is worth something to us, usually has some effort involved. And if he's right for you, you will be able to forget about the bad stuff and focus on how wonderful life is with him. Good luck to you :)

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  • You're gonna need a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot of spontaneity to keep your relationship going cause after a while, things get sooooo routine.
    Goodluck to you guys. Wish you the best. x

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  • The advice I would give is:
    -get to know him very well before you move in with the guy. Why?
    Because you can avoid stressing and conflicting.
    Is he a clean person?
    Does he care and respect the space that y’all going to be sharing?
    Is he ready to give up habits for your comfort?
    Is he going to pull his weight?
    Is he going to be that type of guy that arrives at home and make you dinner and cleans? Or going to be that type of guy that will get home, throw his socks on he floor and eat pizza, finish it and then when you get home you don’t have any food ready? I have a husband and it was very hard because he was behaving like a lazy f*ck. After a year full of arguments and threats is when h finally decided to get his act together.
    Until today I still experience some awful things...
    how long have you know your man?

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    • Make sure he’s grown enough to pull his weight without you having to stress about it. Stay on the lookout for excuses “I couldn’t do this because this and that” is a no-no. That’s how they get away with shit.
      Don’t self-sabotage your life because of the guy...
      Good luck!

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    • To much that makes it back fire on you when you come with that reply.

      (people rarely aware of their on shitt/contribution, tend to see others to be the villain and themselves as treated as shitt [victime], most times it's more to it than that the person are plain lacey/mean/ or what ever [surface])

      (never focus on what others should do, only what you are giving frome your heart without expectation to get something for it. If the other one can't give in the same matter it's time to see if the other one need help or if it's time to move on. to force someone to change to keep you is as low as the other's shitt and doesn't really solve the issue)

      Have a great day SavageRae4Ever ;)

    • @crazy8000 I’m not trying to change anyone. That’s why it’s best to just part ways and find someone as clean as myself lol
      Have a good day too

  • If its not gonna be a problem a couple years down the line, dont fight about it.

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  • Lol well I’m just now seeing this. Feel free to look at the opinions on mine if there’s any changes in answers lmao

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  • My best advice to you: make sure to create some kind of personal space in your home for each of you; a way that you can both have private time away from each other. Sometimes, a simple pair of earbuds and sitting the corner is enough.

    No matter how much you love each other or how well you communicate, couples still need time away from each other to properly process and contemplate the little things in life. It's harder to make rational decisions with your love sitting next to you on the couch. And no union is 100% perfect, couples fight. When that happens, you'll want to "go to your corners" to calm down.

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