How big of a deal is saying “I love you” for you?

People seem to have varied opinions on how important the words are, to not saying it until the point marriage is on the cards, others throw it around with someone they’ve known a few days and others can use it casually with friends as easy endearment.

What are they to you, and how long until you generally feel comfortable saying it?
How big of a deal is saying “I love you” for you?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For me, they are just words.
    I feel like treating those words with such a great deal of significance does perhaps make them a little more powerful, but it also makes them more harmful when misused.

    I think our physicality is the better way to display our endearment.
    I always knew when my partner's smile was genuine because it was unmistakable.
    Those are the things that I would prefer to see, personally.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm one to say it in a means of endearment as long as I know the person and share a good relationship with them. It will tend to differ in the tone and moment I say it, depending on the person I say it to. But I believe that their actions and the relationship between us divides it in knowing if it's a "friendly love", "brotherly/sisterly love", "romantic love". Actions in the end speak louder than words.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 54

  • I don't say those words I know deep within my own wretched soul that I mean it. I think I've only told 2 girls that I love them. My friend, Jennifer actually helped me by being a really close friend for 6yrs & one day I just said it. She was fucking stoked & all giddy! I grew up in a different family role structure than most people, where two parents never loved each other from the beginning but things happened & stayed "for the kids". What a utter mess that created for my mind growing up. I don't know what love was, how it feels, to feel wanted or needed for that matter, so for me to be able to express it was a monumental thing in of it self. Out of 3 r/s I probably only loved one of them. Had she not been on borrowed time I only saw her for myself & no one else. Then things only got messed up with the next girl, even though we are not together I still love her even though I would never tell her that. I guess I learned a lesson in how to say it, express it & then to be unconditional about it.

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  • It's something that I don't take lightly anymore. I used to say it all the time to my biological family members. They of course in turn would say I love you too.

    There's only one family member that I say I love you too anymore. It is rare that I say it too a friend that I haven't known for at least a dozen years usually more than 20 years.

    I said it to two girlfriends in college in the mid-80s. The one girlfriend I really think I meant it. There are times that I wonder if I meant it when I said it to the other girlfriend. There were times when I wished it was true and thought it was true but I don't know now if it was really or not.

    The only other person I've ever said it to was my late fiancee and I truly meant it. I really saw us growing old together and being together for the rest of our lives. I still love him even though he's been gone almost a year now.

    However I don't know if in the remaining years of my life if I will ever find someone, male or female, that I will be able to say I love you to in the same way.

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  • When it comes from the bottom of my heart, it's the nicest thing one can say :D
    I love you @Wonderer89 <3 I mean as a friend and a nice person, of course :D

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  • If I feel it I will say it. However these days I try to stew and evaluate my feelings for authencity. "Is this really love?" and "how do I really feel?" Sometimes it is "have I felt this way before?" and "was it real?"

    I am far more cautious now and tend to feel things fully before I put a label on it.

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  • There is no bigger deal. I only say it when I mean it for 100%. I once had a very dear friend of mine cry because I refused to say I loved her. I did and do love her, but it's such a big deal to me that I never just say it when some one wants, needs to hear it. Have only told 2 people I loved them in my entire life. That friend and my ex.

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  • HUUUUUGE! I would never say that unless I have been thinking about it and biting my tongue for a very long time. I have only said it to one person in my entire life. It is absolutely terrifying. But if someone says it back to you it feels so wonderful.!

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  • very, very big deal.

    I think those words are profound, special and shouldn't be thrown around flippantly or half-arsed

    (this is in response to the context of a romantic relationship with a partner)

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  • Words are just so weak to me. Parents just lied and lied to make everything better. I learned to do it even better then they did. I like to make jokes with my poker face and giggle about it but a waste of time trying to get something out of it. But those set of words would probably make me choke if i wanted them to have meaning.

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  • I generally don't say it because when I hear it, I head for the hills. :-o

    Apparently I have commitment issues. :/

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    • Whaaat? You? I don’t believe it 😮

    • Show All
    • You could start the trend and do it anyway

    • Thnx luv.

  • People close or amiable to me knows that I never say these three words unless it's with extreme gravity. If I know it's there, I'll tell who I feel is extremely important to me these three words. Simple as that.

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  • I can use it with anyone even if I’ve only known them a short time.

    At the end of the day they’re just words, terms of endearment. Actions mean much more, wouldn’t act the same with a girlfriend I “loved” vs a casual friend I “loved”

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  • I don't say it unless I really mean it and it is a form of commitment. If I love you, I take on the responsibilities of love. That is a lot. So Although I dated a lot of women I only told 2 I loved them. Telling a girl I love you means more to me than I love you until one of us moves on or until that girl I always wanted to have sex with has started to show attention.

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  • I will not say those words unless I and so inclined to spend the rest of my life protecting and providing for that woman. I also use it for very close friends that I would sacrifice for.

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  • I only use it with someone I actually love. I can't say it if I don't really mean it

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    • But at what point is that? After you’ve been together for six months and it feels committed and exclusive? When you move in together? When you propose or she births your child?
      There’s a lot of different types of love, as well as affection, lust and desire - at what point for you do you think that it tips over enough for you to say it to another person?

    • Well when I ask a girl to be my girlfriend, I'm already at the point of saying I love you. So I guess when I really feel attached

  • Big, big deal, and should never, ever be said if it isn't meant.

    I can't casually throw that one around.

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  • it can be easy if u dont know them its wen u have a genuine connection and strong feelings towards them that its hard to do even through text but text is easier u just have to muster the courage to say it

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  • It’s true that the word love is thrown around casually. When I say “I love you” I’m going to mean it. I don’t mean it lightly, there’s purpose when I say it.

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  • Really depends on the context.

    "Hey I love you guys." While it can be true is just banter or a sense of endearment.
    "I love you" Is a bigger deal. Someone who throws that around to quickly tends to leave me distrustful.

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  • I haven't said that to anybody yet. But I think if I'm in a relationship it would be a big deal. If the love is just one sided, it destroys everything.

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What Girls Said 24

  • Honestly i only say those 3 words if i mean it, when i was younger sure i would over use it, and think i was in love when i was only infatuated, but i only tell someone i actually love them now if i know its true.

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  • It's a very big deal to me, so it's not something I throw around without meaning it.
    I don't have a set time for how long I want to wait until I say it. What's most important is that I actually feel it in my heart. I told my boyfriend that I loved him after having known him/been with him for 7 months. I probably would have waited longer if he hadn't been the one to say it first lol. I didn't feel pressured to say it back but I felt like it was appropriate since I did feel it too. Not sure if that makes a lot of sense but feelings rarely do.

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  • Im more hesitant to say it in a romantic relationship. I won't say it until Im at a point that I can't see my life without him. I can't really put a time period on that but it's not a trustable emotion early on. Months in at least. When I was a teen at about 15 I had my first boyfriend. I said I love you for the first time about a month after he did. It accidentally slipped out when saying our goodbyes for the night. I didn't take it back because I was feeling like I needed him. I couldn't see my life without him. Only 2 months in and I wanted to marry him. lmao He cheated on me around 3/4 months into the relationship. I had a "broken heart". 6 months later I was completely over it. I found someone better. I took it slower. Not unnaturally slow but appropriately slow. He was my real first love. Years of very good memories even if it didn't last. When you really love someone it never completely leaves you. And you don't move on from him easily. in my opinion. I'm not in love with that guy anymore but I do LOVE that time in my life. It guess, I feel like saying I love you early. Without even going though any difficult patches, without any arguments. When you're still in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship is and immature emotion.

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  • I only would say that to the one that I love and I am sure he is the one I love and would give my whole heart to cause I trust him. Otherwise I would never say it at all. So I will not say that quickly. It is only for one special person only that I would give also my trust to.

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  • It is a huge deal, I believe it's something you say only when you mean it with all your heart. It's never a casual phrase used to manipulate or to get your way with him/her. Not only is it a term of endearment, but it is one of reinforcement that I really love you!

    For family, friends - The same goes I'll only ever tell them I love you if I really mean it.

    Those three little words, "I Love You" are powerful with deep meaning. So when it's thrown about carelessly it devalues the meaning.

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  • its a big deal for me. I only say it the people i truly love with all my heart and soul. I dont hold back when i say it to them and i like to say it often because those words should be heard often. "I love you" will never wear out or get old. It sounds new and beautiful to me each time i hear it. It will always touch my soul whether its from my family, best friends, or boyfriend.

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  • I said it to my boyfriend first just recently because I really do love him and know it’s genuine. He had been gone all week with his kids and traveled an hour to see me after being on the road for 15 hours. I didn’t say it to hear it back but realize my actions probably show him that I care. My ex said “I love you” first and we are divorced, lol. I don’t know how genuine he was.

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  • I say it only if i truly mean it to people who are the closest to me

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  • The biggest deal. If I am going to say those 3 words I must really mean it. I never take loving someone lightly.

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  • I don't say love or hate a lot bc they have strong meaning behind em and everyone I have ever loved was either taken from me or hurt me so it's hard for me to admit love

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  • Its a very big deal to me...
    I can only say "i love you" to my mum...
    Haven't met someone yet, be it my friends or some special person to whome i can say it.

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  • I find it a really big deal because for me it means that I'm gonna be more open with you and not only that but if I say it back, I it makes me feel very vulnerable and if I'm at the point where I keep saying it, then its a big deal

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  • Not very. It’s nice once in a while from the right person. Words don’t mean much tho.

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  • I only say it if I mean it. And if I mean it, it's forever.

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  • It's a pretty big deal, because you don't just say that to anyone, you say it to special people that matter most to you.

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  • I feel like "I love you's" shouldn't be over used but they are also just words. You don't even have to have said "I love you" for someone to know. If you treat them like you love them then they'll feel it in their hearts and know it too.

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  • If I'm in love I have no problem saying it but I would not say it to a man first. If I wasn't sure if he felt the same way I would hold back from telling him until he told me.

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    • Why would you wait for him to say it first if you know you feel it?

    • Because I believe a man should lead the relationship not the woman. If I say it first I'm leading and for me that won't work.

  • Very big deal. It's hard to hear these words from me if I really mean it.

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  • I don’t say it much. If I do, it’s only to the people that’s close/special to me. Not just anybody

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  • I hate saying that, feels like something died in my mouth.

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