What is the best/fair thing to do when one partner has no income?

I am moving in with my boyfriend, won't have a job immediatly and might even take 4 months (due to some reasons I cannot help) that I won't have an income.

I already told him I would take care of the cooking and cleaning, but I also told him I would pay rent together with him. Not sure how he felt about that tbh as he kinda avoided replying to that and I haven't pushed it since.

I have plenty of savings and not worried about not having an income for a couple months but I just don't want to give him the idea I wanna take advantage of him financially.

Is that a good idea? I also don't want to make him feel like any less of a man. I don't know what's fair or should be done in this situation.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In my opinion you should insist in paying half of all your living expenses including rent. It is healthier that way I think. Also talk and talk about everything so there would be no misunderstandings about some stuff, including this "issue". Also you are stepping in to another phase of life, the "adult" one, so you should know to be relaxed and enjoy and also just communicate and navigate life in a 50-50 ratio. Good luck and best wishes on your together life! )

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you need to move in now (as in you have no where else to live?) or are you wanting to? Is he living by himself at the moment and will you be moving into the house he already has or did you plan on getting one together? How long have you both been together for?

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    • Yeah it's now or never kinda. He wants me to move in real bad and so do I. Waiting any longer would just be avoiding the inevitable. It's not his place we are gonna be renting something together.

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    • If your able to share all the costs though I don't think you not working will be an issue. But if you need him to buy you food he may feel a bit of pressure.

    • He doesn't want to wait, he is iniating all of this. I just wanna know what is fair when one person isn't able to work for a short amount of time while living together with their partner.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Chores should be shared if both people are paying equal rent. When you told him you would do chores he probably thought you meant that you will weasel out of an earlier promise to pay rent & basically bill him $800 (or whatever) for cleaning which he already does on his own without your help.

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    • Interesting, I mean we will definitely be talking about this more when the time comes. Thanks!

  • If he doesn't care about you paying into the rent then so be it. You have no reason to push the envelope. Do whatever you can around the apt make it noticeable that you contribute, he shouldn't care either way but most guys I know wouldn't want your money anyway.

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  • Just don't worry about it. If he loves you then he would be ok. But what you can do is maybe take care of the house chores and maybe when he gets paid use that to budget and pay some bills cook the supper just small things like that to show you love him too.

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  • Simply put. Your words your promises.! You have to keep them. He loves you for you. He loves you for your flaws and even when you're down. But if say you're going to do it. Don't back down from it.

    Because his trust in you relies on the trust he has with you from keeping your word. And if you moved in after saying that. Then rock with it.. Shouldn't be a second thought.

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  • Sit down and explain your point of view to him. Listen to what be feels and find a solution that works for both of you.

    Communication is key.

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  • I think it’s a good idea. He may be avoiding the subject worried that he’s taking financial advantage of you, feeling it’s the man’s responsibility to pay or something.

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  • No worries, if you are a real partner, once matter should be the most important matter to another as well.. if you have savings, come in front and tell him that you gona help him untill he finds a job. But keep in mind if he is trustworthy, will back to you with more, love respect and money but if not he will leave you.

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  • Probably do extra chores if you can’t afford your entire share. Or if he dosent accept that try taking an IOU cause you said it should be 4 months at the latest or use your savings.

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  • Most conservative men won't hate you for not making any income. Liberal guys might think its a big deal though.

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  • Assuming your man is financially stable, don't worry about paying for anything. Just don't spend his money like it fell from the sky.

    When I've had gfs live with me, they don't pay for anything.

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  • Tell hei u r finding a new job he might help u get new one earlier and notes don't like to be informed late so sad soon as good se u wand to do job for moony and u r boord at home can hi have a sajetion or contacts and don't ask when drunk

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  • As long as you keep your word that you’re gonna try to get a job it should be fine

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  • Basically you should talk about it, till everything is clear.

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  • Get a job

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  • Less of man? If he does, you need a new man.

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  • Pay from your savings.

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  • Just love him

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  • Don't move in if you're not stable?

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  • Offer to pay half... or whatever you can afford

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    • That's what I did, he just seemed a bit weird about that. It's still a while so I don't want to be pushy. We'll definitely have a chat about it again when the time comes. However I wanna know how other people would work this out.

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    • We have spend longer amounts of time living together, not for months on end but still. We have known each other for a while. Whatever issues arrises we will work out. I'm not a quitter.

    • Well in that case go buy yourself something nice

  • Oh no, a household living off of a single income. It'll never work.

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  • Girls shouldn't worry about this shit. Reverse the question and it would be a girl about to break up with his boyfriend for not having work and saying him moving in would be stupid

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What Girls Said 7

  • Well, whoever doesn't have an income takes care of the household and the cooking completely. I do not think that you need to worry that he might think that you "take advantage" of him, especially because it's only a limited period of time.

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  • Seems like people don't know what leases are, or that if you move to a new area you have to get a new job. I'm sure he understands that if you are moving the finding a new job and getting your first paycheck will take a while. If he doesn't that's weird so I'd talk about it. Start job searching while looking so you can at least get a feel for the market in the area.

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  • I think you have to look at this as a long term thing. Are you guys planning to get married or is this just a convenience thing?

    What would you expect if he moved in with you and had no job?

    Honestly if it were me I’d probably hold off on moving in until I had the ability to pay. Once you settle into a long term committed relationship though... for me each person contributes in their own way and that can’t necessarily be measured by dollars.

    I’d be fine with paying all the bills if my guy was out of work. Likewise I’d expect him to be the same way.

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  • Help around the house

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  • I think you are okay

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  • At least pay some of the utilities. Like you said, not contributing - especially when just boyfriend and girlfriend, can give the wrong impression.

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  • If you're the one who isn't bringing in the obvious support for the house, you need to be the "tambourine" in your relationship and work the shit out of basic household chores.

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