Needing help 29 years old guy who never had a girlfriend. How can I solve?

Offline, girls don't even talk to me and I'm too shy to do something. I'm sorta invisibile.
Online, in text only chat-rooms (no photo), I'm a 'mysteryous and charming guy' because of its personality. If I don't say a word about my life, they get flirty and picture me like a tall, brilliant and successful man...

BUT, when I describe myself things do change a lot!

My height is 5'8"; I'm balding with shaved hair on sides and a long fringe to cover up bald temples (I have anyway a mini bald spot back). My hair is dark-brown and my eyes are chestnut. My race is Mediterranean (Southern Europe) but my skin is a little bit pale, not tanned. I'm not chubby (149.41lb), but I'm not fit at all so I have a 'soft' appearence, I don't know how to say it. I completely shave my beard and mustache and have thin eyebows (I know it's a little feminine, but I just like it...). No tattoos or earrings.
I'm alternative-chic into minimalism, with black/grey no logo clothing.

I'm virgin. Never been in a relationship. Never kissed. Never had a job/worked a day in my life (nor volunteerism). No car. I'm studying Literature in a Bachelor's degree and I'm living alone in a studio apartment with my parent's money. I left school because of anxiety (due to mockery, exclusion, no friends... my overprotective parents treated me like a kid and didn't let me have many life experiences, so people labelled me like a loser) and spent my teenage days closed in my house on the internet and video games. I started high school at 20 and university at 25, where nobody talked to me (despite we are 300 in classes, mostly girls).

I'm not despressed, but I feel ashamed. I don't feel a bad person and I think it's not completely my fault what I became.
Women who knows something about this, instantly get acid, snob, label me like 'you have nothing to offer' or 'immature' and 'lazy' if not fake/troll because 'too much a loser'.

1) Why should I become a muscular dude to get a girlfriend?
Being healthy is okay, good-looking is okay, but not every taken guy is a muscular one - not every taken woman is a beauty queen too.

2) My goals are things like having a girlfriend, a social life, not being labelled 'lazy' and virginity at 29 is a heavy burden to me.
I know it's quite desperate to say, but I'm kinda obsessed and can't even imagine my future after solved those problems.
3) Prostitution and exchanging sex with 'gifts' is against my values. Call me naive but I respect too much girls and myself to take a shortcut like that. And I want to be attractive to them.

4) I'm against online dating too. I don't want to expose myself to ridicule and fakes. Anyways, guys like me are totally ignored there because of appearance and there are too many dudes to compete with.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Aw maybe you should go on dating apps


Most Helpful Guy

  • What I say might sound harsh but think of it as "tough love".

    The first thing you need to do is stop blaming others for your own failures and take 100% responsibility. You say that it isn't your fault you turned out this way - it's 100% your fault. You made choices that got you here. I had overprotective parents, extreme anxiety, and growing up I never ate much because my parents had no money and would complain if I did, so I was skin and bone. Yet now I'm quite muscular, with a job, a house, a car, a girlfriend, kids. I'm not bragging - I'm just saying that those aren't excuses, and that making those excuses will do nothing but hold you back as it already has.

    So, first thing's first - fitness. The reason you're not fit is because you don't exercise, so you should start either with a bodyweight routine or a weightlifting routine if there's a gym nearby. Build a muscular physique. Fix your appearance - shave the hair off. There's nothing worse than a bald guy trying to keep his hair, it looks silly and there's nothing wrong with being bald as a man.

    As for work, why don't you have a job? Why are you relying on your parents' money? You need to get a job. Any job is better than no job at all - this you should be ashamed of as a grown man and this is why women react in such a negative way towards you and call you lazy. 29 and never worked a day in your life, that's insane.

    Shyness and anxiety - this is the toughest part, but it's fixable. The way to get rid of this is to figure out what things scare you. Once you do this you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone towards that thing, whatever it is - in this case asking women out in person. There are two ways you can do this:
    1) rank the things you fear by how badly they scare you, and gradually work your way up the list e. g. start by just making small talk with a shopkeeper, work your way up to making conversation with a woman, work your way up to asking a girl out etc. That's the slower, easier way.
    2) just say "fuck it" and throw yourself into the deep end, start asking girls out and making moves. That's the faster, harder way - the way I chose.
    Eventually you'll become more and more comfortable with these things.

    You have to force yourself to do these things or else you're gonna get nowhere.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 5

  • Love yourself & give yourself a hug bro, you're going to be ok. Allow yourself to grow as a person you were meant to be. Make goals. Fall on your face & try again & again. Set more goals. The more you live your life to better YOU, the closer you'll be to achieving. It's only up to you, which can be unfamiliar & scary, but it's liberating & almost like a re-birth.

    As far as these girls denying you for you? Believe me when I say this. They're doing you a favor. You don't need people like that in your every day life. You'll come across them all the time. Ignore the bad & take in the good. Take their opinions, comments, actions and toss them to the side. Don't be mean back, but be a gentleman. Life is full, it's up to you to tap into yours. Scary but liberating.

  • Hookers

  • ya as a guy, the burden of responsibility always falls on our shoulders

  • Tinder my man. Don't expect a bite right away. By all means depending on where you live, don't expect one at all.
    However the beauty of an entirely superficial app like that is that once you got someone you both know that you want to bonk each other's brains out.
    At that point you are very likely succesful due to the seemingly charming personality.

    I guess I am saying.. play your weaknesses.

  • Seems to be quite common


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