My boyfriend of 3 months, kept a secret from me, and I found out through someone else. I feel hurt. Is that normal?

We've been going out for about 3 months and I understand its fairly new, but I can't help but to feel a bit hurt and not trusted with something so big that affects us both. And I found out from someone else he spoke to about it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good

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    • 6d

      Haha. Well thank you for cheering me up for the moment.

    • 6d

      I am not cheering you, but showing the way...

Most Helpful Girl

  • What about?

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    • 7d

      I was guilty about doing something while I was with him. And then I found out that he told another girl that he seemed pretty open with for a few months before he knew me, that it might not be going strong. I just dont see why he didn't tell me if he knew that it would help our relationship improve. Sorry for the vague details, but I don't want to get into the nitty gritty details.

    • 7d

      Oh ok gotcha

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • If it's really something big I think he might want to be sure of the relationship before telling you. 3 months is still very young. I would tell immediately, but people differ

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    • 7d

      I understand our relationship is far from being mature with each other, but I think what bother me is why did he tell another girl that he knew for a few months about it. I feel like I'm doubting him and even more questioning myself. He knows the information would only help us move forward in a positive direction.

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    • 7d

      To chime in: it only matters if you two were exclusive while it persisted. In general, an uncomfortable truth is women are more attracted to guys with lots of options than guys with only one or no options. Also, the more insecure a woman appears to come across to a high SMV dude, the more he knows he’s got her, his respect for her declines because he’s thinking she could go psycho and cause problems. This is why wise men only date secure, confident women (several at a time when nonexclusive) and idiot guys play around haphazardly without considering the impact of their actions or honoring their commitments.

      Impossible to know level of openness.

      Furthermore, it’s natural that we feel worried to open up to our primary partner because our survival depends on their maintaining mutual attention, affection, approval, trust, respect, etc. Whereas dude and a temporary girl don’t have to do any of that, because it’s like talking to a stranger... plus intense trysts burn out soon enough.

    • 6d

      @shots-shots-shots Thank you so much! Honestly it got me thinking about what you said. Very wise words ;)

  • Understandable, but don’t hold it against him as he probs thought it wouldn’t look good in your eyes if he told you about it

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    • 7d

      I think it would have only improve our relationship even more if he told me and been truthful about it.

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    • 7d

      No problem, wish you the best of luck and have a great day!

    • 7d

      Thanks you too and your weekend! Cheers!

  • how bad was the secret i mean like if it was huge it's like a big deal but if it was something little maybe he didn't wanna bother you with it

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    • 7d

      It was pretty big, it affects our relationship. I've been carrying this guilt internally and if he had just told me, I would have been able to move forward.

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    • 7d

      Its' okay. hopefully I can touch upon the subject and see how he responds to it. Thank you though! Cheers!

    • 7d

      you're welcome, hopefully it all goes well

  • Unless it is something like, he used to be a woman, he is wanted by the FBI, or he voted for Hillary Clinton, then why would you care?

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    • 7d

      Uum because I'm a bit hurt. felt like trash when that he wasn't up front with it. He's the one that talk about trusting me completely. And I was always truthful to him about things and kept it realistic.

    • 7d

      If it isn't fundamental, like what I listed, then it doesn't matter.

  • Thats pretty normal if its something that can end the relationship or something he really regrets.

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    • 7d

      I don't think it would ever end our relationship, probably only help us move forward.

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    • 6d

      Thanks!

    • 6d

      Not sure if i helped at all but no problem.

  • Its normal we hide things to protect the ones we love

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    • 7d

      But why? How does that make sense. It doesn't make sense to me, so if you can explain the rational behind it, I can try to understand his perspective.

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    • 7d

      Just tell me here. I'm autonomous so it really doesn't matter. Lol.

    • 7d

      Ok so is it ok if you tell me what he hid from you?

  • Maybe it is a kind of secret hard to speak about.

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  • Tell him to tell the truth.

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    • 6d

      Well I couldn't ask him directly because another person told me in confidence and I wouldn't want to break their trust and add fuel to the fire.

What Girls Said 1

  • Of course

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