I talked with my ex and now old feelings are coming back. What should I do?

Five years ago, I had a very passionate relationship with a guy named Ryan. He was my first love and we were on and off for three years (between the ages of 17-20).

After we broke up for good, he tried to win me back but I determined to move on and I seized contact.

I am now 25 and I'm in a serious relationship with someone else. I am quite happy and settled.

Last night was my work Christmas party and I had a few drinks. When I got home, I had seen he was active on Facebook, so out of curiosity, I sent him a message, just saying, "hey, how are you doing?" He replied instantly and we made small talk and then he asked, "any particular reason why you're reaching out or are you just saying hey? Lol"

So I told him I was just reaching out as a friend and apologized if it was awkward for him. He told me he was happy I reached out.

After a few minutes of talking, he told me that I look really good and that complimented my hair (I guess he was checking out my Facebook).

I felt like I was crossing a line, so I ended the conversation. It was strange because it was like old feelings surfaced again. I honestly have never had the impulse to talk or try to work things out, but for some reason after we spoke I feel something again.

I love my boyfriend and have no intentions of talking to Ryan again, but part of me excited about the conversation we had. I've had a few relationships but I think that one had the most impact.

Any advice on the situation would be appreciated.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think its natural to hold some emotions for people who have had a significant role in your life.
    I dont see it as a good thing to have contact with an ex (unless you have to for kids). They are part of your past but you have to live in the present and for the future.
    I'd suggest you dont contact him again. If he gets in touch, just say it was nice to talk, you're glad he's doing but you don't intend on talking to him in future.

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  • I think you should not make contact with your ex a daily thing. That would only lead him on possibly and further confuse you. You sound like your heart is in the right place and your boyfriend is a lucky man.

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What Girls Said 1

  • The nostalgia, the memories and your teenage love resurfaced. It's probably normal. The excitement you felt was probably because it's a taboo thing, it probably stressed you out but in a good way = adrenaline rush.

    Remind yourself that there was a reason why you broke up. And don't "hope" or expect Ryan to have changed from back then! There's a high chance that the same issues will happen again if you date him again!

    But, bottom line, if ryan keeps up too much space in your brain, ask for a break in your current relationship. Don't do that to him.

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