Should a serious or married couple have access to each others phones?

It's the whole intimacy vs privacy. On the one hand... if you trust your partner and respect their boundaries it's a definite no. On the other hand, if there was nothing to hide,
married couple have access to each others phones?
married couple have access to each others phones?
There should be no need for passwords etc
  • Yes - they should have nothing to hide
    Vote A
  • No - it's about personal privacy and boundaries
    Vote B
  • Depends - limited access or situational access
    Vote C
  • Other
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Interesting results of this poll so far.. the majority of people voted for outright privacy. However the majority of women voted for sharing phones. From what I've discussed so far - men want (blind?) trust... or at least not to be distrusted off the bat... Whilst women want the intimacy of knowing that those boundaries can be crossed BECAUSE the trust is so high. It's always interesting to see gendered responses like this...

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Most Helpful Girls

  • My mom and step dad have been married now for about 11 years. They are very chill people and they have no privacy because as my mom and step dad say, once they married, they became 1. They have nothing to hide from each other and no secrets. My step dad will get a message on his phone while he's in the garden and my mom will reply. My step dad does the same with my mom. They obviously let each other know that they got a message or phone call. They share an email as well. They are so open and loving towards each other. My step dad always told me, what's the point of getting married when there's going to be not trust and secrets.

    I hope to have a loving, open marriage like my mom and step dad. They've really hit the jackpot when marrying each other. Everyone says they won't get divorced and I can tell that they will never get divorced. They'll die an old couple.

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    • Hi Sarah. Your mom and dad sound sweet! Its awesome to hear success stories like that! Each to his own however.. As much as I tell my boyfriend about my life and friends.. I'm big on boundaries and personal identity. We become a unit that is bigger than the individual as a couple and a family.. but for me we are very much still separate people and identities. I'd be weirded out if he texted my friends on my behalf lol (its like- for me - him possessing my body and speaking through me). Its just a different relationship model to what I personally want is all... I am so happy to hear that they are such a tight and happy couple though! 🤗

  • I don't understand this obsession with partner's phone. What are people are looking to find?
    I would never ever ask my partner to go through his phone. It's his phone. He's entitled to privacy and that has nothing to do with me.
    If I want to know something, I will ask.
    I take a lot of pictures of random things and stuff. I don't want anyone to see it because it's something I would like to keep it to myself. I text with my girlfriends about personal stuff and I don't think they would appreciate if my partner was reading these conversations.
    No matter how great is the relationship, everyone is entilted to privacy.

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    • It depends on the relationship. Me and my partner are so close that people know if they tell one of us something.. its like telling both of us... it's not hidden either (not like my friends would be shocked at me telling him). I chat to him occasionally about my friends to get a male perspective. He does with me as well. We do not tell anyone else though.. it's not broadcasting it to the world. We have a no secrets type of relationship... but each to their own..

Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't know where to sit on this... If you were brother and sister could he have your cellphone? Yes, no secrets and complete openness but... Something just feels off about it... Where is the trust? Also where is the freedom? You and your girlfriends have conversations is it ok for your boyfriend/husband to know every detail of them, does he need to? It's not just your privacy it's everyone else's, let's say you are a nurse or caseworker, you are supposed to have client/patient privacy. There is something to this...

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    • I also dont know where to sit. Its chicken or egg though. If you guard your phone and your privacy like it's a precious treasure - you WILL be suspicious. I know a lot of people do this because they may engage in conversation or people that their partner wouldn't like.. so to avoid a fight. How can a person expect blind trust? On the other hand.. yes.. reading through the phone daily is an invasion of privacy and weird. I just feel there should be a balance- just dont know what it is?

    • That's my point it's not black or white, that's what makes it unsettling

  • Passwords aren't for your partner.. they are for the asshole who might get your phone if you lose it or have it stolen. Not having a password just to prove some kind of trust is CRACKERS! Protect your phones people. Give your password to your partner if it makes you feel better but don't leave your phone unprotected!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • B all the way. I’m able to let my boyfriend look through my phone at any moment because I have nothing to hide, but I would never give him full access with passwords and everything unless it was an emergency. My phone is none of his business, and his phone is none of my business. I go into relationships thinking they will be honest with me. It’s not blind honesty. It’s innocent until proven guilty. Until my partner gives me a reason not to trust him, I will trust him. And because of that, I would find no good enough reason to share passwords unless we didn’t fully trust each other.

    I’ve also signed non disclosure agreements at work, and I have a specific app that I use on my phone that we use to share files and discuss things related to work. I would never let him touch that. So for me it’s not even that I have anything to hide; I’m legally obligated to hinder people from going through my phone.

    Honestly I see people who demand their partner’s passwords as extremely insecure. There’s nothing intimate or trusting about wanting to go through your partner’s phone. It’s just an obsessive way for people to find clues as to whether they’re being cheated on or not. And frankly I don’t want that kind of toxicity in my relationship. I have nothing to hide when I go take a shit, but that doesn’t mean I want my partner to go in with me and hold my hand while I do it.

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  • My SO is welcome to my password/access to my phone if he needs to use it. But if he feels like he needs to look through it then we have trust issues that need to be worked through.

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  • I think that once you get married, there is no space for secrets. Part of building a successful relationship is having trust and great communication. So if those two exist, I they should both have access to each others phones. 😊

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  • Limited access.

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  • I don't see why not

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  • ha ha. who cares about privacy? seriously, i don't give a shit if my prospective man checks my phone. i literally only have pictures of bulldogs on there. why should i trust you? i trust NO ONE!!! everytime these shitheads get all hurt that you don't trust them, it turns out they were involved with three women while dating you at the same time and were running from the law. see, i got nothing to hide. check all you want.

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    • Calm done lady

    • I hear you. My ex husband of ten years lived a double life and cheated on me with half the continent lol.. I found out via a shared backup phone (he forgot to delete his WhatsApp or thought I wouldn't use it I dont know). While I came out of the relationship with definite trust issues... I would not want to police any guy I'm with.. too much hard work... my question about the phones came from from an intimacy and sharing lives point of view...

  • No. Privacy has a lot to do with trust. You have to trust your partner because this way you give him freedom to show you his willing loyalty and love. Yes, there is a chance of your partner to abuse his/her freedom but that's a risk you must take in order to have a healthy and true relationship. There is no point in suffocating your relationships with mistrust as then it has become a toxic environment which you do not need and want in your life.

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  • I'm just curious what some people have on their phones that they don't want their such serious partner to see. I would never show my phone to any of my friends and I panic even when they ask me to let them call someone because their phone died, but friends are different from the spouse

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    • 6d

      Porn, bank accounts, emails, work related items... All that falls under the responsibility of the owner. And privacy is a thing. Some things are just meant to be that such as instant messaging.

    • Show All
    • 6d

      @Unit1
      It's very simple. When you're about to jerk off, you have a choice- jerk off to the pictures and memories of sex with your girlfriend or do so to some other woman. That's the choice I was talking about

    • 6d

      I sense thought police here

  • I feel like a complete and utter lack of privacy is unhealthy in a relationship. Yes, you shouldn't be hiding anything bad but maybe there are tiny details you'd rather keep to yourself. I voted "depends" because looking through each other's phones occasionally (for reasons that aren't unhealthy) is fine with me.

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  • you still need passwords for your pads etc, but I know my husbands and he know mine, as far as I know we never check out each others, but there have been occasions when we have had to use each others phones

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  • I have access to my boyfriend phone but he doesn't have access to mine. I didn't ask for his passwords, he offered and hasn't asked for mine. I won't volunteer access as a matter of principle. I believe its important to have intimacy with yourself, as well as your partner. It hasn't been an issue.

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  • Me and my partner have passwords on our phone but that's for protection if we loose it. We both know each others passwords. Same goes for social media and emails we know each others passwords incase of emergencies or something needs doing and the other can't do. Same if I'm doing something and I get a text I'll get my partner to read and respond and vis versa. They're no secrets between us. I dont go on his phone to go snooping and neither does he go on my phone.

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  • No. It's theirs.
    I don't need or want my boyfriend, or future husband to have access to my phone, just because we're a couple.
    If he doesn't trust me or need to know what's on my phone, then he can ask.
    I should not have to tell him everything that has happened in my life. And if so, that should be told by me, when I'm ready.

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  • I feel like most girls and guys that will say no to this, is because they don't want to be embarrassed or asked questions for silly things in there phone or they legit have something to hide.

    I for one have no boyfriend but even when I did i didn't care whenever he took my phone... though maybe I should of looked at his lol he was a cheating hoe.

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  • Regardless of what you settle on, it needs to be from a position of both respect and trust. Some couples are fine with no access to each other's phones. Personally, I would I want to have no barriers between my wife and I. So she and I could have total access to each other's phones. Of course, this would preclude hunting around for some sign of wrongdoing or infidelity. Because that is not trusting the other person

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  • Well there's no reason for me to keep her out of my phone but there also no reason why she needs to know my passwords either. If she wants to use my phone I'll just unlock it. Wanting to be able to access it at will without me knowing is disturbing because it shows a sever lack of trust.

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  • You can’t demand access but if you are both respectful & honest then there’s nothing to hide. It’s like askjng if you should share a key to your home. Even if you both had your own places to live you would still share keys.

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  • I think only for emergency reasons when maybe the other can access if the other can't. And passwords are good because people lose phones all the time and you don't want random strangers with your personal information. But if it just to dig up some dirt on your partner it a different ball game and even the phone doesn't guarantee anything if a person doesn't have and damaging results but is still doing wrong if you get drift.

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  • There are situations where it's fine, and situations where it's not. I believe that having the phone be the element of trust between two people is too shallow for a relationship. If someone wants to cheat, the phone is not the only way they can do it and it's not like you can always find out no matter what you do without being a complete stalker.
    Be with someone you trust, not someone you doubt.

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  • If i got married and she could not figure out my password then i don't think we should be married lol but anyway nah i really don't think we need access to eachothers things were still both human i mean i woudn't marry anyone i needed to be suspicious of and if their was suspicion then i made a mistake getting married

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  • She can look at my phone all she wants.
    Trust is earned, it's not just given.
    I don't want to see her phone.
    I wouldn't trustt her either way, I'm too broken.

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  • In a proper long term relationship it shouldn't matter. Only people with something to hide crave privacy.
    I understand it in a new relationship but by the time you are living together you have seen eachother naked, probably seen eachother on the toilet and most likely know a few embarrassing things about eachother. So why is a phone so important to keep secret?

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    • 6d

      Because what goes on on my phone is none of his business? I have work-related filed and conversations on my phone that I have to protect because of NDAs that I’ve signed. I have private conversations with my friends and family that don’t concern him. My friends and family have shared things with me that they don’t want to share with anyone else. How is spilling their secrets and going behind their backs by letting my partner have access to everything any better? I’m loyal to my partner, but I’m equally loyal to them. My friends and family haven’t consented to him reading their private conversations.
      Privacy is important to me because when I’m in a relationship, I still need to feel like myself. I still need to feel like I’m my own person with my own things, and I want my partner to feel like he’s his own person with his own things. We share a lot with each other, but I feel no need at all to go through his phone and read his personal stuff. I know that he also has a diary on his, and it would feel vile to know that I could read it without him knowing at any point. I want him to have that to himself. Being intimate is fine and dandy, and if sharing passwords works with you and your partner, then great. Share all you want. But this is not a black and white matter. Just because I still want some privacy in my life, it doesn’t automatically mean I’m doing something behind his back or that I’m cheating on him. That’s a gross assumption.

  • We knew each other’s passcodes for our phones out of convinence. Sometimes I’d have her send out text messages for me while I’m driving. Shit like that. We knew each other’s passwords because both of ours are very basic and horrible and the conversation came up and we both laughed about it.

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  • I don’t have a boyfriend right now, but if he wants to have access to my phone, that’s fine. If not, that’s cool too. I’m not gonna be the one snooping around in his phone. If he wants privacy, he’ll get privacy.

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  • 1. You willingly show your phone because you have nothing bad to hide and to prove you can be trusted.
    2. You do not show your phone even with nothing bad to hide because you believe they should trust you. They may still not trust you.
    3. You do not show your phone even with nothing bad to hide because you could be planing something positive that has to do with them and them going through it would ruin the surprise.
    4. You do not show your phone because you have something bad to hide.

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  • My partner has always had my passcode. The same open attitude was rarely given and that should have been the flaming red flag. All my exes cheated😒 2 physically. The next person I date will give me that passcode, or we are not going to date. Simple.

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  • It depends on the situation. They are married as 1 flesh so some things should be both of them to share.

    However, they deserve individually and privacy but not 100%. If they have shared apps on the phone then they have a right to know if one of them encounters problems.

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  • Don't get in a relationship if you don't trust your partner. Cause you're just living an illusion at that point. If you have trust issues bad enough that you want your partner's cell phone password because you think they're hiding something then the problem is with you. Not them. They should dump you immediately since your actions have shown your level of trust in them.

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  • I think so. If there's nothing to hide there's no reason we can't look at each other's phones. As Reagan said, trust but verify. I wouldn't have a problem with him looking at my phone either. Boundaries and privacy are for more important matters.

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  • In a serious/married relationship, partners should have access to each others personal information, including phone and account passwords. At that point though, there should be enough trust that neither feels the need to exercise that information.

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  • Nope. My privacy is for me very important. It's my phone alone and I only show him what I want to show him. If he don't trust me he does not respect me and so is not boyfriend/husband material

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  • No absolutely not. Sheesh you are individuals. Now if you both want to share phones then you can, but it shouldn't be expected.

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  • Sure I don't see why not. It would be annoying if they checked your phone 24/7 that's kind of rude, but just having access and stuff sure. I'm still going to have a password obviously, but I wouldn't mind telling her what it is I'd think.

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  • If I am in a situation where my phone is dead & I immediately need to use one to make a phone call, I would expect my partner to give me his phone with zero hesitations & no questions asked!! If he refuses then I would break up with him! But I won't deliberately want the password to unlock his phone to monitor his online activities!

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  • I would trust my beloved not to do anything outside of our relationship (I would have made certain she could be trusted before marrying her,) so I would allow her privacy.😊

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  • On one hand no on the other one yes. You should with someone you trust and trust you back. That do not mean you should always let them look through you phone, but it means your feel like you have nothing to hide and therefore be ok with leaving the phone open for her to see.

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  • If your both equally I love then there would be nothing to hide would there? You should always act in such a manner that even if she is not beside you, you act as if she is looking over your shoulder. Another way to say you always honor her. The same as you would want her to treat you. Unfortunately it seems most women have a plan B ready to imitate any time they feel the need to.

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  • There should not be but then it should be exchanged as a way of testing their agenda with you in that relationship. Hesitation shows they will betray you later.

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  • If you *have* to to know every little detail about your lover then you do not trust them.

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  • Absolutely not. I think an open and honest couple should be sharing things worth sharing and be loyal anyway, but the fact is, my phone may not just have my stuff it may have other people's stuff too. Like my other friends telling me things they wouldn't want other people to find out, including my man.

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  • What for? Don't you trust your partner? Like sure, neither me nor my boyfriend actively hide our phones from each other (nor do we have passwords for it in the first place) but I'd never even have the thought to just look through it.

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  • I suspect that women are more used to sharing intimate details then men are. If my best friend turns to me and says "by the way, I'm Jewish," my first thought is "Can I have your bacon, then?" A woman's first reaction would be "Why did I not know that? I though I was your friend!""

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  • If they condone having access to each other’s phones then that’s up to them. However, this isn’t a situation I’d be alright with. This shows there is no trust in the relationship.

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  • I have nothing to hide but damn do I hate it when someone wants to see my phone. Phone is a personal belonging and If my partner wanna see it then I'd question his trust in me lol

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  • Constantly checking their phone is an invasion of privacy. If you have other things to suspect them then go for it, but if you just check it for no reason then there's either something wrong with you or between you.

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  • Well its good to know ur partners code in case something's happens and you need to access his/her phone. But you shouldn't take advantage of having this information.

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  • Sure, but I won't go through his phone and he won't go through mine. It's basically just communal phones. Use as you need, we trust each other

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  • If you're both married then yes. When 2 people get married they become one.

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  • I dont think so unless you are borrowing it to make a call or something

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  • No of course not. People need privacy, you have no right to invade your partners privacy just because you've been together a while.

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