Someone able to explain love to me?

I dont understand love at all.
I never was in love nor loved anyone in my life, all i felt till now was just sexual attraction and lust.
I had 3 relationships in my life, i honestly didn't cared much about none of the girls i dated. I said things like "im in love with you" or "i love you", i didn't, but i felt like she expected it to hear. She seemed to be very happy hearing it but when she told me that she loved me i couldnt care less, it didn't changed anything, her feelings affects only herself, to me they didn't affect me at all.
Later i broke up with her because it was just a waste of time and resources.

I try my best to feel it too.
When i look at couples doing stuff together i find myself dreaming about having the same, its cute and so lovely, but then i look at what it costs to be with someone and i can't even imagine how one can invest so much time and money into another person. Its just doesn't seem worth it.
Whats the use being with someone, beside sharing housework i dont see any other benefits but a incredibly amount of disadvantages.
Thats my second thought after seeing a couple, thinking about why they love each other despite it being just a hindrance.

And i dont understand how people love at all and always making a big deal out of it. Always hearing about how love is such a wonderful things that is so powerful. And hearing people say if you love me stuff is also a big mystery for me, why does a simple feeling have to have a certain response, expecting someone to behave a certain way. Like it matters at all, its a feeling, someone can be the biggest asshole to you and still love you, he can hurt you but still have the feeling, having feeling doesn't force certain behaviour.

Td;lr
What is the use of love?
Why would people go into relationships despite the overwhelming disadvantages?
Why should love cause certain behaviour?
How can i love?

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What Girls & Guys Said

15
  • "Academically", love is being unselfish, kind, morally good, compassionate, etc.

    It's not about receiving but about giving, hence it's a principle to live by.

    So you love someone when you show kindness or being unselfish to that someone.

    In doing so there are 3 possibilities:
    1) that person repays you with wickedness. So you got hurt.

    2) that person does nothing, so you are usually confused.

    3) the person returns love in kind or more. You feel warmth and happy.

    It's not about sex or lust. But that emotional feeling if reciprocated will bond the lovers. And sex is supposed to be the physical manifestation of this emotional connection.

    Hence sex with love and without love is very different and girls are more sensitive to suck emotions.

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  • In a nutshell, because you value a special person far above anyone else (for a relationship). Love differentiates that one person from everyone else.

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    • 7 d ago

      But why going into a relationship with them if it costs so much and reduces your own playroom?
      How can i find this love?

    • 7 d ago

      See, that's just it- if it constricts you like that, you aren't with the right person.

  • Without a frame of reference explaining love is nearly impossible. Did your parents love you, how do you feel about them?

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    • 7 d ago

      The first 14 years of my life my parents were alcoholics who always shut themself in their room not talking much and being overly pessimistic always telling us (2 siblings) that we wouldn't make it whatever we tried to do. A
      Fter my sister was born they changed their drinking behaviour became a lot nicer but at this time i moved away into my own apartment, since then i see them occasionnaly every 4-5 months for some days, but then they are often shut in in their rooms watching movies.

      I think they loved me but on their own strange way.
      We lived together not like a family but rather like a purpose community. I like them as people but i dont care much about their lifes and how they are doing, sure i care if they are sick but not much.

    • Show All
    • 7 d ago

      Thanks for your answer.
      I will try to do it. Might be really difficult because 1. I dont like many people and am very picky with friends and 2. I never trusted anyone beside myself.
      But i will tryy to do it.
      Thanks for helping me out

    • 7 d ago

      You are welcome. Honestly it sounds like counseling would be helpful.

      Life is going to be a huge struggle if you can’t make friends and have challenges trusting people and building relationships. From romance to friends to family to business to daily living; you interact with people and have opportunities to form and mature relationships. I am sure you have gotten this advise before, so just reminding you it’s ok to reach out for help and they can work with you to learn the social skills needed to meet friends and trust people. Good luck!

  • Actually, I don't believe love exists but there is a "strong sense of addiction"and this is just as harmful as smoking addiction. EXCEPT 1 THING; 'finding the right person'

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  • no, not really. It's different thing to different people

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  • Love is what girls say to trick you into supporting them for cock teasing, now lust!

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