I never was in love nor loved anyone in my life, all i felt till now was just sexual attraction and lust.
I had 3 relationships in my life, i honestly didn't cared much about none of the girls i dated. I said things like "im in love with you" or "i love you", i didn't, but i felt like she expected it to hear. She seemed to be very happy hearing it but when she told me that she loved me i couldnt care less, it didn't changed anything, her feelings affects only herself, to me they didn't affect me at all.
Later i broke up with her because it was just a waste of time and resources.
I try my best to feel it too.
When i look at couples doing stuff together i find myself dreaming about having the same, its cute and so lovely, but then i look at what it costs to be with someone and i can't even imagine how one can invest so much time and money into another person. Its just doesn't seem worth it.
Whats the use being with someone, beside sharing housework i dont see any other benefits but a incredibly amount of disadvantages.
Thats my second thought after seeing a couple, thinking about why they love each other despite it being just a hindrance.
And i dont understand how people love at all and always making a big deal out of it. Always hearing about how love is such a wonderful things that is so powerful. And hearing people say if you love me stuff is also a big mystery for me, why does a simple feeling have to have a certain response, expecting someone to behave a certain way. Like it matters at all, its a feeling, someone can be the biggest asshole to you and still love you, he can hurt you but still have the feeling, having feeling doesn't force certain behaviour.
What is the use of love?
Why would people go into relationships despite the overwhelming disadvantages?
Why should love cause certain behaviour?
How can i love?