9+ years relationship and he doesn’t want to marry me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 9 years and he has no intention whatsoever to marry me. We don’t even live together but he agreed to move in together next year when I’ll be done with school. When we talked about marriage he told me he doesn’t feel the need to get married. What should I do? Does it mean he doesn’t love me or doesn’t love me enough?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how he feels about YOU just how he feels towards marriage in general.
    As to what to do about it, how important is marriage for you? If it’s something you’ve always wanted then you shouldn’t have to compromise on such a big life event, but neither should he. This is a good opportunity to see if your ideas on your future match up and if not it may be time to part ways before moving in

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why doesn’t he want to marry? When you talked about it have you figured out if he doesn’t believe in marriage overall and why? Or believes in marriage but doesn’t want to marry you specifically?

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    • 8 d ago

      He said he doesn’t believe in marriage but if he had to marry someone the only person he would marry was me

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    • 8 d ago

      No I’m not expecting him to change his mind and if it’s something he doesn’t want to do I would never force him to. I just want to understand if he doesn’t want to marry me because I’m not enough or he doesn’t love me enough or what’s the reason behind it

    • 8 d ago

      He clearly told you he doesn’t believe in marriage in general, with you or anyone else.

      If you honestly don’t expect him to change his mind, do you want to get married someday?

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What Girls & Guys Said

56
  • I don't think he's mentally ready and marriage is the ultimate proof. Relationship is the point of marriage because then the can leave whenever without signing papers.. Unless he doesn't see a future with you or the responsiblity that comes with it

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  • If marriage is important to you, and he doesn't want to get married, then leave him. You shouldn't settle for less.

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  • Sounds like he doesn't want to marry.
    You'd get legal claim to his property and bank accounts and his retirement accounts. Maybe that is something he never plans to do.

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    • 8 d ago

      I make more money than him, it’s not that the problem as if we will divorce I will be the one who’s paying him not him

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    • 8 d ago

      So it’s this the problem, he doesn’t want to stay with me forever?

    • 8 d ago

      Let's put it this way, let's say 5 years from now you two grow sick of each other, let's say 7 years from now you cheat on him or commit some deal breaker intimacy boundary violation.

      If that happened you could each just easily go your separate ways.

      With marriage, you have to have lawyers and go through the divorce procedure and have judges divvy up property and it takes months and can be expensive. That's complicated. Just dating is more simple.

      If you end up together for life than so be it. If someone ever comes up to where you need to go your separate ways than you just walk away... easily.

  • He just don't want marriage no it don't mean he don't love you but surly this is somthing you should have asked before 9 years came about or are you 1 of the dilusinal women that assumed he would change his mind

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  • Its not a big de, unless you make it one. Marriage is a dying concept, it dosent mean he cares less, just dosent feel need to make it legally binding

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  • Leave him.

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  • you should speak to him and if marriage is important to you, tell him! he won't know this until you express it. honestly 9 years though thats amazing and im sure he does love you, maybe he's scared also. how old are you both? x

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  • Marriage is increasingly a raw for men.. I applaud his choice..

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  • FFS why are you willing to trash a 9 year relationship over this?

    Marriage has nothing to do with love. When women get this hysterical over not getting married it shows you just want his money and could care less about how he feels.

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    • 8 d ago

      I make more money than he does

    • 8 d ago

      Great! That still doesn't address that you have zero empathy for how he feels about this, it's all about your entitlement to marriage.

  • Leave him

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  • He doesn't want marriage, you want it sooo badly., then dump him and get with a guy who does want marriage the same way as you.

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