I didn't trust my girlfriend and my lack of trust hurt her and made her unsure about us. How do I fix it?

Hello everyone,

About 2 1/2 months ago, I was bored and changed my location on a dating app just for fun. I met a girl in China. Soon after she was my girlfriend without ever having met in person.

Fast-forward 2 months and we are planning to meet. I am paying for her flight to me in the UK as she makes very little money while I make quite a decent amount.

A series of events hmade me question her motives. I won't be specific, but they are legitimately suspicious even to my friends, I wasn't just paranoid. For a little bit, I didn't trust her and thought she is dating me for money and my friends warned me to be careful and that she sounds like a scammer who might take my money and block me after I transfer them.

Still, I trusted her and transferred her the money. She lost some of it immediatelly due to an automatic payment for a bill she forgot about and we were gonna suddenly delay again. That made it sound like if I want to meet her I still want to send her more. That's when I made the mistake to accuse her of being a scammer. I questioned why she always needed more money from me.

I calmed down and apologized. I sent her the remainder of the money but the next day she suddenly broke down in tears (over phone) and wanted my bank account info so she can send the money back. She told me she feels like a terrible person and that she doesn't want to put pressure on me. That she wants to return it and not use my money anymore. I knew what I had done. I've apologized but she won't budge.

She says she understands why I said it, but still feels terrible. She feels like a fool for working more overtime for more money so we can meet. She's going to another country for the first time for someone she met online. That she wants to try to start over and get to know each other better.

I regret everything I said. trust her. I want her to come. It will be at least 2 months before I can go to her and I'm afraid we won't last that long. What do I do?


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  • This does sound like a scam. Have you spoken to her on Facetime or Skype to know she is who she claimed to be in the profile?

    You should always be the one visiting the girl, not the other way around, especially since it's easier for you to get a visa for China than her for the UK. Did she ask you to send the money for the flight?

    • 1 d ago

      I've confirmed it's not a scam. Again, won't go into complicated specifics.

      She got a visa very easily. Her parents travel often and possibly have some connections so she already has one. I, on the hand, don't have one and will take a while to get one. So if we want to meet as early as possible, she should come to me.

      She didn't ask me that. The very first time we discussed it, she was going to come by borrowing money potentially or just saving for a few months. I suggested that I could maybe pay for half of it. But overtime it was clearly she can't save enough for the other half so I said I'd just pay for all of it.

      When the automated charge happened, she didn't ask me for more money. She was going to borrow from friends and family and even said she would give me my money back if she can't find someone to borrow from. My accusation was premature I guess. I just freaked out cause it seemed she needs money yet again, another time and it seemed that because she knew how much I wanna see her, she can just say she has not choice but to delay it and I'd pay up immediatelly. But that wasn't true, again, I've confirmed it and I trust her fully now.

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    • 1 d ago

      Yeah, I'm working on getting there. I am just worried I won't make it during her holidays. And she's already prepared, has a visa and has packed some gifts and stuff. Would have been lovely to continue. I'm also not sure how our relationship will progress. Since she seems disappointed in me. Maybe her opinion of me has changed, I don't know yet.

    • 1 d ago

      Well, it still seems very unusual to me. I think you need to see where she comes from and see her where she is in familiar surroundings.

  • Let her go. You're not mature enough to trust her so what's the point?


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