Helping an abusive and toxic friend?

Hey, I have a friend who's been clinically depressed for the past 8 years and I find him to be pretty toxic. But we've been friends for 8 years and I really want to help him. I too was clinically depressed for about a decade and got out of it about 2 years ago. I find that my friend is constantly victimizing himself and refuses to acknowledge his flaws to improve. When I ask him if he has any flaws, he says "yes, I do have flaws". I ask him what they are and he doesn't even know them.

Here's a sample conversation with him just a few hours ago: [Fr = friend, Me = Me]
Fr: "Hey man, long time no contact."
Me: "Yea"
... more filler chat...
Fr: "I really don't get it, why does everyone hate me? Everyone is brainwashing my girlfriend that I'm abusive and toxic. This is the third time this happened!!! Why do they hate me? I also got fired from my job for being late. What the fuck! This is not fair! I was late only once! I'm tired of having everyone hate me."
Me: "Yeah, I feel ya. I've been there myself, it's not pleasant to think everyone doesn't like you..."

But in reality, he's super clingy and rushes into relationships too fast. Hell, when he was 18, he got himself engaged to a 14-year-old girl by from what I see, manipulative means. But whenever I bring them up, he always finds a way to justify the manipulative actions, like saying "I want her to be safe, so I always want to know where she is. I love her" and such.

I also just realized that he, by pulling my sympathy strings, got me to agree to come to his place tomorrow and I'm scared. He's really a nice guy at heart, but he's really overbearing with his insecurities. I really do want to help him as I've been through depression myself, and he was my "sensei" in high school.

Advice please? Help?


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  • I would advice self help books or counseling.


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