The "these days" question is complicated. We could compare and contrast various aspects of society over the generations. The bottom line, though, is that healthy, long lasting relationships have always required work. Can you imagine being best, best friends with someone for your entire life? It is possible to do so, but it would require deep commitment and effort from both.When I was in my teens and twenties, life was relatively carefree. My friends and I pursued fun. All my girlfriends were part of that fun-seeking. Honestly, even though I liked them a lot and fell into infatuation for a while, I mainly saw them as sex objects. I think that is a function of the self-centered, not fully developed, teen brain that, according to studies, doesn't mature until a person's mid 20s.Looking back, I had no idea what love was. Teens think that the very powerful emotions of infatuation are love. So a person's chronological age is a factor in discussing relationships. There is also the fact that different individuals mature at different rates. Not only age but experience and knowledge play a part in gaining the maturity to engage in a permanent relationships. On top of that one needs the will.Speaking of my own experience again, I was in my mid-30s when I decided to settle down. By then, I was making decent money and had built up a nest egg. I wanted a partner with which to share my life. After some trial and error, I met my future wife. We dated for a year and then were engaged for a year. During that time, we got to know each other well. My respect for her intellect, logic, judgement, instincts, ethics and principles, combined with her femininity and uniquely feminine perspectives grew. She likes to pursue various ways of learning about ourselves and each other. We have even attended couples counseling on a few occasions, not because we were having big problems, but as education and as a means to keep our relationship fresh, healthy and solid. I have participated in all these things enthusiastically. Like any form of education, they made me wiser. While I am certainly no doormat, neither is she. It's something about her that I respect. But we have learned how to disagree and have discussions without causing damage to our relationship. We learn from each other. I have grown tremendously as a human being because of her. And most importantly, we trust each other completely. I wrote all this to explain why I believe healthy relationships require not only commitment, but constant effort.
Just how I see it.The reason people say relationships are too much work is because everyones opinions matter now. Everything is streamed online now so everyone is in everyone's business. On top of that people want "perfect." The perfect body, perfect personality, perfect everything in the sence of society instead of what they want. Whats "perfect" for one person isn't going to work for someone else. Plus our society has given into the idea of "You're special. Everything about you matters and dont let anyone change you but if you're too different you'll become an outcast or a weirdo." That's just how todays generation is. Yes you're special and yes you shouldn't let someone change you but on the same note you're just another face on the street and you have to learn how to adapt to not only life but for the relationship. You will have to make some sacrifices and learn to understand that not everything revolves around you. But people can't seem to understand that so after one argument "she's a bitch" or "he's a asshole" there's no trying anymore. People want to jump ship the first sight of issues instead of work it through sadly.
Everything is too much work and for good reasons. You always have to constantly try to please your partner. Your partner can be moody at any given time for no logical reason. It's expected for you to get sexual, even when it constitutes sexual harassment on the unwanted partner, and call it 'well that is what a dating couple is supposed to do', and then you have the 'if there is no sex, it's a friendship' jokesters. Men don't really want to pay for the first date anymore. Now you have to split. You got to wait a certain period to 'text' or talk to them so you won't appear needy. People giving you unconsolidated advice. People don't know to COMMUNICATE anymore. Always asking ridiculous 'does she/he like me?', 'is this person still attracted to me?' They do NOTHING to start any kind of relationship. And it's very frustrating that we have so many regressed children instead of adults. This is a toss away society. And hardly anybody wants what you want or shares your values. I realized that dating was never for me. I am content being celibate and unavailable. Many relationships today are not even relationships. I call it sim life. Traditional courting was much simpler and to the point. It had a purpose. These days people don't even KNOW what their purpose is for living. Dating should never have to be this hard. Everything in life requires work, don't get me wrong. But when your dealing with people who put you through the wringer, have no respect for your needs, let alone know how to maintain a proper relationship with you, they give you hell.
"'its expected for you to get sexual, even when it constitutes sexual harassment on the unwanted partner, and call it 'well that is what a dating couple is supposed to do', and then you have the 'if there is no sex, it's a friendship' jokesters.""Well I mean yeah, you're dating so physical intimacy is a part of dating/relationships. It doesn't have to be right away, but it does have to be at some point in time during the relationship. Otherwise it isn't a relationship/dating, its a platonic friendship.
Your not supposed to do that at all. That is not what a relationship is supposed to be. Your supposed to wait for marriage for that. If other peop le want to screw up themselves that's on them. Not me. That's wrong. You always talk about a person's believes and respect them. No, you people are too horny and there is no boundaries.
That is an excuse to hurt somebody out of selfishness. I'm not getting hurt.
Wait for marriage? What is this? the 1700's? Also, why even get married when the guy can get sex without any sort of commitment? Especially since marriage doesn't actually benefit the guy.
@DWD94 Because sex is a marriage and marriage is all about sex. It doesn't matter if it's 1700, or 2019. You have to respect people. "Also, why even get married when the guy can get sex without any sort of commitment?" first of all, if a guy wants to whore, let him be a whore. Marriage benefits everybody, the rules never changed. Its people doing dumb things and then complain about what they got to do. If you don't take it seriously, why does somebody, let alone a woman have to take you seriously? She can use you too. I don't have time for picking up dogs. I respect myself too much to treat my relationships like trash. Any guy who cannot respect me could walk. I don't care how rich or handsome he is, I won't miss him. I can live by myself a virgin. Safer than ending up like my late mother who died because of her sexual choice led to HPV and then terminal cancer. No way.
You, people, choose not to commit and be serious. That's not my problem what happens to others who do wrong. At least I am faithful of myself and to myself.
"Marriage benefits everybody, the rules haven't changed"LOL! By everybody, you mean women right? Men stand to lose everything in marriage. First off, weddings themselves are expensive and the bride is the focus of the wedding. The groom is just there..Secondly, most women aren't marriage material. They refuse to cook, clean, and take care of themselves physically yet they have a laundry list of demands for men.Third, most divorces are initiated by women. And when divorce happens, the man loses everything. Sorry but I'd rather continue casually dating. Any benefits from marriage can be found elsewhere, including sex. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
@DWD94 Everybody as in MAN AND WOMAN. "Men stand to lose everything in marriage. First off, weddings themselves are expensive and the bride is the focus of the wedding. The groom is just there.." As the Maid of Honor to my close friend's 1st wedding before her divorce, allow me to just say men lose everything in marriage because he does NOTHING to secure his marriage in the first place.1. If you think marriage is a joke. Don't get married. Bad enough premarital sex is a sin.2. Do NOT get married with the idea of divorce. You do whatever you got to do to make sure your family is secure. 3. NEVER marry somebody who doesn't share your morals, values, virtues, principals, religion, faith, beliefs, about love, marriage, life, sex, children, politics, family life, career, etc. 4. Many of you hop in the sack with the WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE. 5. Weddings are NOT that expensive. Its all about what YOU and they choose to do. There is nothing wrong for going for what you want. But you must be realistic and budget properly. You have to think about these things as a child or teenager. My close friends ALWAYS wanted to get married, and they had the money and the resources to do it. 6. It is the HUSBANDS time as well. If he doesn't want any commitment with any woman. Then he should remain to himself and be celibate as me. Not lead her on. It's disrespectful to waste others time and stop her dream. And that dream should be shared with you."Secondly, most women aren't marriage material. They refuse to cook, clean, and take care of themselves physically yet they have a laundry list of demands for men." So here is my question to you dumb men? WHY oh WHY are you going AFTER girls who can't cook, won't cook, clean and do the basics for herself? I can do those things. My close FRIENDS can do those things. That is why you start off as friends first for a long time, get to know her background, get to know her FRIENDS, and FAMILY and you do NOT DATE HER until you know all you need
to know to sacrifice for her. Too damn lazy. You're no different than these dumb chicks. Who are you to judge? "Third, most divorces are initiated by women. And when divorce happens, the man loses everything." And you don't think that women don't suffer either? The children if any? EVERYBODY suffers. When my close friend had to get her divorce out of her husband's choices, I wept for her! I suffered for her! It hurt her so bad she needed counseling because it was toxic. All she wanted was to be a wife, to have children, and everything she tried to build, he destroyed! Instead of getting them a place to live, he shacked them up in his parents house. When she had thousands in the banks, he left it under a hundred dollars to do WHAT? Smoke weed, buy weed, watch porn, drink and buy unnecessary things. They had enough money for an apartment and the deposit, he did NOTHING. Every job he gets, he quits in less than TWO WEEKS! She paid ALL the bills, the rent, and the groceries, and cooked for his entire family, mowed the lawn and tire herself to death. ONLY to sit on his butt and tell her, she doesn't expect him as a MAN. You are not married, buddy. You have no idea the hell that comes with dealing with people you try to share a life with and have them try to destroy you because their either jealous, envious, bitter, etc. Your suppose to work together as a couple and you destroy each other. Disrespect each other. All the things you do before marriage, you carry along with you. It doesn't go away until you confront the problem.
You cannot fool around with life! And that is how many of you get with the wrong crowd, end up with bad friends, lack healthy boundaries, let alone know how to even have a relationship with others. Many of you people lack proper communication skills. Marital skills, empathy skills, and the list go on. Instead of learning how to learn and grow, you lust and you think it's love when its not. You call women b's and hoes when you don't even look at yourself. And then get pissed when virgin women like me are disgusted by you and are repulsed and don't want anything to do with you. Let alone touch you. Its choice to wait and chose not to wait. Its a choice to do life right from the beginning, even if you're not perfect at it, but it's also a choice to not try and do life wrong. There are plenty of options, but not all options are equal. And when you lack wisdom and discernment, no amount of knowledge is going to help you make the proper decisions. As a man, you especially as God commanded, are RESPONSIBLE for your leadership and how you choose to lead your family. It is a wife's duty to follow your lead.
Its easy for you to say marriage benefits everyone when you're not the one who stands to lose everything from it. The man is the one who stands to lose everything. "1. If you think marriage is a joke. Don't get married. Bad enough premarital sex is a sin."According to the Bible, but why should I care about what the Bible has to say about morality? (especially when that same book endorsed slavery). "3. NEVER marry somebody who doesn't share your morals, values, virtues, principals, religion, faith, beliefs, about love, marriage, life, sex, children, politics, family life, career, etc. "You realize people change right? A person's values can change over time as well as their beliefs."6. It is the HUSBANDS time as well. If he doesn't want any commitment with any woman. Then he should remain to himself and be celibate as me. Not lead her on. It's disrespectful to waste others time and stop her dream. And that dream should be shared with you."Dont hate the player, hate the game. Not all of us want marriage, some of us just want sex. Its not a crime."So here is my question to you dumb men? WHY oh WHY are you going AFTER girls who can't cook, won't cook, clean and do the basics for herself?"Men don't "Go after" girls. Girls go after men. Women have always been the ones that have chosen men. This is true in the animal kingdom as well. Males are the ones that have to woo the females in order to attract a mate. Same is true for the human species. "As a man, you especially as God commanded, are RESPONSIBLE for your leadership and how you choose to lead your family. It is a wife's duty to follow your lead."Nah I'm done leading. I'll just do my own thing. I dont need women to tell me how to be a man.
@DWD94 No. Your selfish and bitter and being a hypocrite. People like you will never change and always stay stuck. You say why should you care what the Bible says about morality, but why the hell are you even still alive then? To waste another's time? I could lose my family, lose my virginity to somebody who used me, not help my kids and suffer as my parents suffered, how my sister is suffering, how my entire family is suffering. To be another failure. "You realize people change right? A person's values can change over time as well as their beliefs." That is not a consistent person who needs to stay on their own. Mine has never changed because I know myself. We only grow and mature with it. If it's not benefiting them and others, then they change for self. I don't use that as an excuse."Dont hate the player, hate the game. Not all of us want marriage, some of us just want sex. Its not a crime." NO, I hate sin and the people doing sin choose to do wrong and hurt others. It is a crime to God. That same crime got my mother sick and killed. And the price of sin is death. So if you want to go to hell. You go their by yourself and destroy those who want to be destroyed. People like you are evil."Men don't "Go after" girls. Girls go after men. Women have always been the ones that have chosen men. This is true in the animal kingdom as well. Males are the ones that have to woo the females in order to attract a mate. Same is true for the human species. " Either your an animal or a human being. It is choice to act like an animal. And its a choice to act like a civilized human being. And many of you are NOT humans at all. Men don't have to do jack. You chose to chase skirt instead of keeping your penis in your pants. And its a choice for women to open her legs to the wrong men. Period. I never went after some man. God called animals to be animals, and us humans to follow the rules set for us.Your done leading? Okay, be a woman then. Because your no man.
It's funny how you want to blame women for your own choice to not step up. That's why so many women use you, want you for kids and money and divorce you. I don't pity guys like you.
How am I bitter? Lol, I'm just pointing out that there is no incentives for men to get married. Out of all of us, you're the one that seems to be more emotional (especially seeing as your comment is really nothing more than a barrage of shaming tactics being used against me in an attempt to try and lambaste me into fitting into your close-minded and naive view of what a 'real man' is).Also I have no problem with being called selfish. If refusing to be a woman's disposable utility makes me selfish, then by all means, I am selfish. Until then, I'll keep fuckin around :)Like I said, don't hate the player, hate the game.
@DWD94 Shaming tactics? If you want to be a hoe, be a hoe! I don't worry about guys like you. There are better men out there. I ain't getting emotional. I just tell the truth. You are disposable. And you using women as a human sex toy shows your using and disposing of them. Disgusting. There is no game. Only sick people like you who I often see dead on the news.
Well it is a game though. Dating is a numbers game. Always has been. Dont hate the player, hate the game B)
@DWD94 Dating is not a numbers game. Never was, never will be. I don't have to waste my time playing a numbers game. I know better to be with people who share my values. You choose to be a dog. Not that hard to find one good partner and stick with them. You sound mentally ill.
Dating is a number's game for men. You don't have to waste your time playing a numbers game because its men that do most of the work. We're the ones that have to do more work when it comes to dating. If we talked to one girl at a time like you suggested, we would be single for years.
No, as I said before you people just like playing games. I know men who never did it. You don't have to put in a lot of work. Everybody puts in a lot of work. The problem is you people don't know how to have relationships properly with others. Many we don't even have proper relationship with your own parents. It all stems from your childhood and your attachment. And you have bad attachment issues. Many of you are psychologically unhealthy. You would not be single for years if you would actually know better to actually form friendships with women and pick that one girl who you know shares everything that you believing not by looks, you would have been married to that person if you both had the same desires. So please don't give me that BS excuse. Many of you pick and choose when you want to get serious and then complain when nobody really wants you.
Here we go again with the shaming language and the whole "Well if you would just stop chasing bimbos blah blah" spiel. This type of shaming tactic you're using against me ignores the fact that semi-attractive, or even unattractive women are just as problematic as women that are 'bimbos' or 'hoes', or whatever.And you say you know men who never talked to more than one girl at a time. I call bullshit. Men aren't really going to admit to that sort of thing when they're dating a girl. If a girl asks me if I'm talking to anyone else, you think I'm actually gonna tell her the truth? Hell no. And even if those men did only talk to one girl at a time, I guarantee you that they were probably single for years on end and wasted their time befriending a girl in hopes of dating her only to be told "I only like you as a friend".Talking to one girl at a time and being friends with her for a long time is a shitty way to date. Its how guys get friendzoned.
Not my problem.
Your problem is going after girls who never had any interest in you in that way in the first place. I'm the problem. You people are. It's not my problem that guys like you don't even know what kind of woman is right for you. Too busy chasing skirt.
Relationships have always been too much work, people these days are too used to the luxury of getting things done easily and they want relationships to be easy as well. They want relationship to be like ordering a pizza, that comes right at your door.Plus thanks to the influence of media people now have very high expectations from a perfect spouse yet it's a generation that doesn't want to take responsibility for themselves. No one ever tells you that the key to a good relationship is not to find a good partner, rather it is to BE the good partner yourself. We constantly gone across these perfect lovey dovey couples online who have perfect bodies, get proposed in Paris or Dubai, gets married in a fancy beach resort, and what not. People feel like they need to be someone from there parallel universe to be the perfect couple.
"They want relationship to be like ordering a pizza, that comes right at your door."I giggled right there. It reminds me of Tinder, where F-boys are lurking everywhere. It sounds pretty much like that.
Have an opinion?
Generally because of the divide between men and women created by sjw and feminist bullshit.Women have become insanely entitled. They have the illusion of choice created by shit apps like tinder, where they can pick and choose endless amounts of male attention on a whim, so if a male isn't 100% of their criteria they move on to the next thing, even if these were things they normally would have just dealt with in the past.So because they have this endless choice they put males though garbage shit tests which we get tired of. We refuse to jump through hoops for basic pussy when girls are easily jumping from guy to guy.
Because TRUE relationships DO take some effort, and this is true for both parties. I dated a girl who exceptionally lovely, and she felt the same about me looks wise. However, both our efforts ended up being for naught. I am by no means an relationship pro, but there is something on both sides that has to be there before two people are going to commit themselves to one another. Thankfully, I found another woman with whom I was "in sync" with and she with me. We've been married for 15 years and loving it!!
I was just thinking about this this morning from another aspect. Sometimes I think people’s expectations are too high but I also think that people date to date. Maybe out of shear loneliness or maybe out of habit and they seem to get too serious with someone that is no way “the one” for them yet they’re lives are so intertwined they don’t know how to leave or they stay out of fear or habit. People don’t seem to wait for the person they have crazy chemistry with or fall in love with in the second date or even the first. Yes I’m a hopeless romantic but it does happen. And even once you’re with someone, you love them for all they are. Not just some. I see it with my parents married 52 years now. And others I see that they’ve settled which makes it more “work”
It's always been work. It's just that these days people aren't as willing to invest in a relationship.
People are fed up with putting in work with no work in return, especially many males since they have to do most of the work to please the female a lot of wooing and proving himself but should take her no matter what and in some countries do they get screwed over by the justice system in the end if it doesn't work out or in the relationship because of the spouse attitude and that the female is right even when she is wrong she is right attitude. (not talking about gold diggers)In the past did people get married because of all kind of thing's but rarely love from both sides and stay in them even if they are more like friends with/without benefits sometimes.Then you have many doesn't see a meaning to have a ownership stamp to be a serious couple.You also have, more people suffers from mental health problems.Lazy/self-absorbed/lack the skills to build something real (social/emotional handicapped) generation.Selfproclamed, self entitled.Expectations.
who are these people you fantasized? relationship are easy if you have communication and empathy
I don’t even seen the point of being in a relationship l
A long time ago in galaxy far, far away relationships and marriage were something that happened fairly soon and were meant to build up two two persons that were not complete and did not have their shit together, usually young people under 25. It was about mutual support and making something together. These days however the game change, everyone wants and feels entitled to get someone that is 100% complete and has everything figured out and they will just open the door for you. Of course this rarely happens. People are still working on stuff by themselves and their ultimately pathetic endeavors which in the end makes them to tired to even try to create a relationship when their expected ideal doesn't materialize.
I'm not sure people do say this, but if they do, they are probably just in a dating rut.
Because women make it tedious and tiresome.
Because they're butthurt.
What do you mean?
@AJC997 You don't know what butthurt means?
I do, I’m asking you to elaborate on your answer
Relationships have always taken work.
I think they're just lazy.
You need to fake everything, thats the work.
Are your friendships too much work?
I most cases they are, according to society. How many people these days will make friends with someone if they don't think they can get something out of them? Friendships are just as selfish as any other relationship (sadly.)
@Jamie05rhs Then it's no surprise you see relationships the same way.
too much bollocks these days
Relationships are A LOT of work.
Because its easy to not to commit
If you love girls they will think you as clingy and run away from you , love , caring are no valuable to girls now a days , they say they want it but actually they do completely opposite If you are a good guy you will be termed as beta and no women want to be with you
I like to use "worm's" ( Edward Norton) line from the movie rounders, to describe this. "In the poker game of life women are the rake". No matter whether you win or lose you always pay the rake.The odds are pretty likely that with most women it's a bad investment. You're never going to get out of a relationship as much as you put into it.
For men, we aren't allowed to want the gender roles that women used to subscribe to (I'm not against that either), but men are still 100% expected to adhere to gender roles.Relationships for men are a financial burden. Not to mention the disparity where women want us to hear every detail of their emotions for hours on end but they could simultaneously care less about our emotions. Comparing being single to being in a relationship, being single is far easier and far more satisfying
Depends on the woman. For example i don't bother the guys i'm dating with what im feeling. I keep my feelings to myself. And as for the financial burden I always offer to pay. Some guys insist that they pay while others don't. If you are cheap then it might be a burden. 😊
No men are expected to pay for dates, gifts, pretty much everything, and what does she do? Buys the popcorn at the movie and acts like she just covered her part. Not to mention alimony...It's not about being cheap, it's about avoiding someone leaching off me.
I always split the bill. And as for gifts, where I'm from Girls buy their boyfriends gifts as much as they buy them. You have been dating gold diggers thats why you think little of women 😉
I mean don't get me wrong, you rock for getting it. Most women don't
Cause they are, women’s standards are so high and unrealistic nowadays it’s not even worth it honestly
@slatyb reading both of your opinions I just want to say personally, it’s not the relationship that’s too much work. It’s the putting oneself back together after it doesn’t work out that’s all consuming to me.
Bro YOU NAILED IT... girls want you to be nice so they can friendzinr you or you act like an asshole and they breakup either way men are fucked it’s bs
Lmao you’re under 18. It gets worse too.
@Kkob1210 Not all girls are bitches. Generalize them all under a negative view and you're well on your way to becoming a misogynist. I assume you aren't already.
People didn’t like each other before but had to stick together for money/social pressure. People are the same, being honest is more accepted.
In the past, a married man worked his ass off all day, came home in the evening to a wife who had prepared a nice dinner for him. She had been home taking care of the house and children so the husband would relax and enjoy an evening with his family.Today, the same guy works his ass off all day and comes home to a wife who has also worked her ass off all day, is stressed and tired just like him, and the home is in the same shape it was when he left that morning. Chances are he will need to stop at the store on the way home and pick up supplies for dinner, and when he gets home he'll have to fix dinner or do chores. He'll have to take on more parenting responsibilities than his counterpart from the past, too. And because both are working all week, he'll have to spend a lot of his weekend doing chores that the housewife of the past would have taken care of during the week while he was at work.So yeah, marriage these days is a hell of a lot more work than it used to be, for both partners. But it's not men who asked for it.
What did Bill Clinton say?
@Jamie05rhs You tell me.
"It's the economy, stupid!"
People are more lazy and selfish these days, less willing to work for anything or have anything that isn’t served to them on a silver plate. As soon as it isn’t fun, exciting and easy 100% of the timd anymore they’re out. That’s what’s changed.
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