I am trying to get over is being lied to, disrespected, and used. How long did it take you to get over it? And, what helped?

If it matters, the thing that I am trying to get over is being lied to, disrespected, and used.

I'm committed to moving on from what happened. I'm just wondering how long this might take. And I'm curious to know what you all think might help.

I've added a poll for the hell of it. But I'd like your real suggestions too. Help a girl out!

  • Move out of your small town and start over somewhere completely scary and new.
    Vote A
  • Quit being a baby and go run. Life will suck for awhile but you'll be back to your old self again soon.
    Vote B
  • Get a makeover! Maybe looking at someone new in the mirror will make you forget the past.
    Vote C
  • Kick him in the nuts. Might make you feel better. Just don't flake out and miss. That would suck.
    Vote D
  • Go out with new guys asap, even though you obviously have trust issues now and the date will tank because they'll think you're off, cause you essentially are, at the moment.
    Vote E
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Thanks all. BTW, to the moderator who changed my question, you failed to do it properly. This is the second time that you mods have fiddled with my question. If you're going to edit my perfectly good question, at least don't leave typos. Be competent, k?


Most Helpful Guy

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • It would be foolish of you to do anything other than learn from your experience and move on in life. Seeking revenge is not a healthy trait, and you shouldn't enter another relationship until you noe you are ready to provide the love they deserve. the quicker you are able to accept and learn about what made things the way they are, the quicker you will get over it. find something fun to do in life.

  • sh*t like that hurts yah. but don't let it get to you and in time you'll forget


What Girls Said 8

  • You have to find a way to forgive him, because this will mean you'll still be open to love and haven't been damaged. You have to find ways to raise your self esteem, and that can be hard after a bad break up. I recommend being as graceful and good to the people who love you as you can possibly be, let them know you're hurting and are a bit fragile and you appreciate their support during this time. Your heart will be healed by their support (if anyone doesn't support you, avoid them) This will remind you of the fact you're lovable and deserve love. Take your time and don't get into a rebound - human nature tends to make us repeat the same mistakes, especially straight after a relationship break up.

    Try the usual things, lots of good food, excercise, whatever makes you look and feel good, but above all, keep your love alive, recognise any angry feelings as destructive, let anger go, or use its energy to prove what you're capable of. I always get really involved in a good creative project when I'm hurting, so whatever gets your enthusiasm alive. And, I know I've said it already, don't stop loving!

    In answer to your question, it took me years to recover, I became closed off and played games and didn't even realize I was doing it. I had to learn to open up again, and risk being hurt, but family and friends have been great, without them I would be so alone

  • Grew up with a best guy friend I knew and was in love with my entire life. Got together one day and dated for over a year. Was under the assumption that since we knew everything about each other and were so close that dating would be easy. About three months into the relationship, he started using me, mentally abusing me, taking advantage of my easygoing personality, started fights for no reason, took me for granted, started pursuing other women while he was with me, and flat-out disrespecting me and our relationship. It was the most devastating thing I had ever experiences becaue I didn't feel it was fair that after all of the history we had created together, after all of the childhood memories and the heartaches we both comforted each other about he was treating me this way. That was three months into the relationship. I stayed with him another nine months for the mere fact that I couldn't accept this was a permanent thing with him. I tried to convince myself he would get back to the way he used to be and my advice to myself (despite what friends and family members said) was to stick it out until he returned to normal.

    Then he started drinking and doing drugs and things just went even furthur south from there. Did I end it? No, I even tried sticking THAT out by confronting him and telling him that it bothered me. His response to my distaste for his new lifestyle was "it's something I like to do, why would you ask me to stop?" and he refused to accept that he was hurting me.

    Finally I broke up with him and after a confusing "friends with benefits" stage, I bucked up and forced myself to move on. He was the only guy I had ever loved (I mean geez, grew up with the kid, I didn't know anything else) and I had a ridiculously difficult time letting go, even AFTER everything he had done to me.

    What worked for me was keeping my distance. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do to burn the bridge of my life-long friend, but it was necessary. I was never able to separate my feelings from a potential friendship so I did what was best for me and I cut him off completely. Doing just that was a really good healing process for me because instead of hanging out with him and questioning whether or not we would ever be able to make it work, I was spending quality time with my thoughts and remembering all of the horrible things he did to intentionally hurt me.

    My advice is time. Time heals everything, and if you can convince yourself to be patient enough to sit through the nights of crying your eyes out remembering the good ole days, then one day you will be able to wake up thinking about yourself as opposed to him.

    If you've ever heard people say "you can't get over something until you find something you lov even more", that is SUCH a true statement. When the day comes you meet the person you love even more than your ex, you will find that suffering through all of that was worth it because it led you to the person who will treat you the way you deserve.

    • luv this!...very true! I can relate so this helped me as well! Thanx! =)

  • I'm sorry that you were hurt, but in time you will be able to move on and get over it. You will find someone who really appreciates you and you will not dwell so much on whatever causes you to feel this way now. For now, just go on with your life and do things you enjoy doing.

  • I know how you feel,i experienced that thing too... but all we need is to move forward because life is too short to waste your time to someone who don't deserve of your love...I know its easy to say that we need to move on but we need to do it..Takecare and Godbless

  • I feel bad for you but this is a good learning experience for you. You will be wiser in choosing your next mate.

  • grow up. everyone goes through bad relationships. get out there and live your life.

  • I understand how you feel. I too am having issues getting over my Ex. Not so much as getting over him, it's trying to let go of all the hurtful things that were done to me. All the abuse, disrespect, using, taking for granted, lies, manipulation...etc! I think it comes down to being angry with ourselves that we let it happen. We wonder what we did to deserve to be treated that way..try to put it out of your mind..the best you can..focus on you..think about something else as soon as you realize your thinking of the relationship. Read, write, do hobbies, exercise, listen to music, go out...just do YOU & smile! Keep your head up! Things will get easier. Best Wishes!

    • Yeah, you know exactly what I'm going through. It's like I internalize what he did. I really appreciate your answer. Thank you, for real.

    • Show All
    • You really hit the nail on the head. I sympathize with you girls so much. Be strong!

    • Thanx! "5starmamirydes"

  • I wish I could have done two votes because it was a combination of moving away and dating other people that finally helped me move on even though at first all my dates tanked because lets face it I was a wreak knowing that there were guys out there that were interested in me till they found out I was a wreak gave me hope it took me a LOOOOONG time to finally get it all sorted but I think now things are finally moving forward again.