so long story short my girlfriend went back to college and broke up with me to focus on school about 2 months after going back. said she still loved me and such just had a hard time balancing stuff. i then find out she is sleeping with her ex again a week after we broke up (found out 3 weeks after break up from him) she lied and told me they werent doing anything and she was just using him but he showed me the messages and stuff. i was mad because she lied so i drove down to her school to confront her and get closure. she was pissed saying it was none of my business and that she was now single and could do anything she wanted. i took her phone and she hit me and out of anger i had started to choke her (my first time ever hitting a woman) i immediately regretted my decision and apologized but the damage was already done. a couple days have passed and she’s forgiven me and cut off the ex boyfriend for causing the whole commotion but she’s also cut me off because she wants me to heal because i suffer from depression and i was feeling suicidal after the break up and finding out she was sleeping with her ex again mentally broke me. im just lost and don’t know what to do because i still love her but i know i have no right to try an change her mind about cutting me off because i put my hands on her. i just need some advice. i already know i’m a monster from hitting a woman so if you’re gonna judge me just keep your opinions to yourself.