My best friend/cousin is in an abusive relationship. What can I do?

[Amber86]

Oh man I was exactly like her at 17 and it took me until I was 22 to get away from him. And yes he will get worse. And it will get twisted. My ex was just like hers, super controlling and psycho and at her age she thinks the reason why is because he just loves her so much, TOO much. he will get worse and it will get twisted too. Just controlling her won’t be enough, he will inflict pain and fear and he will feel more powerful with the every crying breakdown she has
What got me out was a plan. A plan from a friend that I trusted, that I felt safe with, that I knew would keep him away from me but would also keep me away from him just Incase I started going back to old feelings of maybe this really will be the last time he does it because he said he’s never gonna do it again.
You need to have her read these comments and propose a plan to her. You need to have people tell her what healthy relationships are like. Hopefully you’ve had one and can tell her if not maybe some of her friends, or yours. Reach out to them on fb and see if they’d be willing to tell you the sweet cute things their boyfriends do so she can see what she’s suppose to be enjoying! The plan needs to be her visiting you a fri-mon missing school if she needs too So she can physically get out of town and he can’t show up. And it needs to include immediately blocking his number. And you need to keep her distracted the whole time doing things
If you can get her away from him for a few days and seeing what a normal 17yr olds life should be like maybe you can pull her away from him.
If not then you do need to stop talking to her. Her loneliness needs to build up
To the point where even she sees he’s an asshole. My friends stopped talking to me too. It made me trapped. I was trapped with just him and it didn’t take but a few months of being trapped home alone all the time with just him for me to finally realize I had to get away.

[agent_orange]

I can only say that maybe your cousin is afraid to speak up because she fears her boyfriend would leave her and she can't have that, or she's afraid to be judged and pressured by her family.

Sometimes, distorted thoughts like: "he hurt me because I deserve it for doing the things he hate"
"he beats me because I triggered him"
"I love him too much and I know one day I can change him"
"I don't want to tell anyone because i felt it's not necessary because that's our problem"
Abusive people harass their partner under the guise that they do that because they love and care for them. They accuse them for trying to destroy their relationship, which wears the victim down and causes them guilt and despair.

Your cousin lacks self-worth thats much I can tell for not taking your advices. She feels she deserves what she gets. Or perhaps her boyfriend is threatening her that if she leaves him, he would destroy her even more or hurt her family.

You can never change her mind unless you take her away from her boyfriend and start therapy. She has to help herself. Tell your relatives, her parents. If she comes to you with bruises again, take a picture conspicuously. Record all your conversations, anything that you could use for evidence against the guy. If you gather all you that you need, report to the police. You have the right since you're her relative.

Violence against women are highly acknowledged now.

[Paris13]

Sadly, She is a Sad Statistic of Someone, Hun, Who Wishes they could Leave but Won't. And if they Do, They Many times always End up coming back for More.
No more Telling her anything Here, Dear, You have done your Pat from your own Heart from the Start. Let her Learn when she Burn. Then let us see if he comes Back to you with telling You... You told me so. xxoo

[Udbhav_Bantwal]

This is the thing about toxic/ abusive relationships, the victim always never wants to leave or break up until it's been too long. What I usually do in situations like these is I show the person their future, what exactly is going to happen if they stay with the toxic/abusive person, almost always, they won't believe it at first but when those things I told them about start becoming true, they realise it and usually break it off immediately. Tell her that it will come to a point where he's going to make her cry everyday or every other day for stupid reasons that aren't her fault. After that, tell her that she'll realise that he's controlling her entire life, he won't let her have any friends and he'll destroy every relationship she has that isn't with him like with her parents, her friends, you and anyone else that can help her. Then tell her that if he hit her and the bruises from her stomach weren't from playing but from him, then that's only going to get worse, he's going to believe that it's okay to hit her and he'll do it more and more frequently. If it's bruises now, it's blood and broken bones later on. Talk to her about the birth control, make her understand that if he gets her pregnant, her entire life and future is ruined. You have to get her parents involved in this, if they don't seem to care now then maybe they just don't understand the full severity of this, tell them about the bruises and how he made her go off birth control and how he's not letting her contact you or hang out with you. Get your parents involved as well if you can, the more people you involve who you think care about her, the bigger this gets and that'll make it easier for her to understand and leave him. Whatever you do, don't give up on her, don't keep yourself away from her because she needs your help wether she realises it or not.

[talloak]

This happens a lot, and doesn't reflect on her intelligence or strength of will. The forces he applies to her are very strong and the threats of punishment are too dire to resist. If she is younger than 18, you do have the right (responsibility) to report the situation to the police or child protective services. Be specific about what she has told you. The fact she is in physical danger and that he is trying to force her to become pregnant against her will is reason enough to get the authorities involved. She won't be happy with you for reporting him, but she will regret more if you don't.

[SydneySentinel]

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. She will either decide to leave or she won't. Part if the cycle of domestic violence is being unable to leave from fear, manipulation, or a false perception of love.

[lightbulb27]

I think inform her parents and get her to a therapist fast. that's beyond off the charts bad. Let the therapist sort out what is wrong with her thinking. To be honest, it may be that she is not really dating this guh, but that he is her pimp and controlling her... they beat people into submission.

If he gets physically threatning, that goes up in probability. I wouldn't hesitate to go to the pollice for advice, but I doubt they do anything unless you see wounds and she is willing to press charges.

[lovedejj_xo]

Have her call the DV hotline they have trained advocates that will talk to her over the phone. Tell her to do it when he is not present as well and to delete the number just in case he finds out. With DV it truly is up to the person to say I can’t do it anymore and walk away That Is The Most Dangerous Time. When she’s ready please make sure she has support!!! ❤️ The national hotline...
https://www.thehotline.org has plenty of resources and a chat service with an advocate and the national number as well she can call to speak with an advocate who won’t judge her 1-800-799-7233

[hahahmm]

Nothing. Just do not make her problem your problem. An example of that is if she calls up crying about how he has weapons and threatened to kill her. Your instinct may be to go & comfort her but that’d be foolish. She needs to learn how to dial 911 for emergencies. Trust me.

People like her are always complaining but until they actually want to really take steps to improve their lives & DO something it’s all just talk that will waste your time & energy.

[TheLockofaHeather]

I’d meddle as much as I can. Hire a private investigator to follow him around and get a thorough background check. I’d look for any illegal activity to get him in jail. If I didn’t find anything illegal I would set him up. Like I would get him so angry that he would become physical with me and secretly record it all and charge him for assualt. I would hope maybe then she would realize that he’s bad news.

[HayleyMarie]

She keeps coming back to you which could mean she’s reaching out in some way. Perhaps offer her a room in your place until she can get things together. If her parents won’t help I think it’s severe enough at this point that you should step in. Keep her at your house, if he comes over to try and get her back and touches her/grabs her in any way, call the cops.

[Jamie05rhs]

Holy shit. That's bad. That's really bad. I don't understand: why does your aunt (her mom) not care? Have you told your mom about the situation?

P. S. Dudes from youth group should not be trying to have sex. And I don't know what the hell was going on when he was trying to fuck her with you in the room, but I'm going to leave that one alone.

[MikeGaveO]

That's a huge situation. Most people in abusive relationships don't end it for either fear of never finding someone else or fear from the abuser themselves. Talk to a professional, if she is getting bruises take her to a hospital and explain the situation to the doctors, get the fucking police involved if needed!
This is clearly going downhill and it's going to end badly for her. Talk to people close to you, don't do this alone.

[HighHithom]

Just gotta be there for her when things go wrong. My cousin was in a same sort of relationship, wouldn't listen to anyone as she was 'deeply and blinded by love '. But one day it ended, she saw what had been going on and needed us

[Anonymous]

Get out!

Being dependent on guy sucks... One of the cleavers women need to know they do not need him. Ya know we get so freaking excited like beyond our control when we love someone else so much... Try tend to hurt us soo much also. We will take and eat the good along with the bad! Abusive , mentally , touches. Just get the beep out. I did. Yes I was Lonley for well yea.

[Anonymous]

What is sad and disgusting is that his controlling behavior is what turns her on deep down. She mistakes that as strong masculine energy when it’s actually extreme dangerous insecurity.

Does your cousin have any older brothers or is the dad around? They need to know about this to tune him up if need be. Do you got a tough guy male friend? Has he hit her yet? If he does it even once it’s time to step in. But if he hasn’t than it’s up to her to leave.

[JohnAlaska43]

If guy finds out its you she may get hurt worse. She is mentally being controlled and she doesn't know she can do better. Really try to get her to see he is wrong for her.

[TheWaterisFine]

Ask her how her family will feel when she ends up dead from decisions SHE'S making.. DV is not a joke. Offer her a room in your home until she gets her mental health together.

[jss123]

He is a definite narcissist. Send her literature on that. It scared me into leaving. I basically saw a description of my ex in accurate detail. She needs to see it for herself. No amount of talking works. The literature will hopefully open her eyes.

[Gstacy1989]

Seek professional help ASAP!!! doesn't sound like a resolvable situation... outside help is needed at this point ! Call the cops cuz ur cousin sounds like she’s in potential danger!

[oldoldold]

Nothing. If she wanted to leave she whould. If you want a big mess ask her these two questions. Is he threatening you? Ok then why do you believe that you deserve this treatment?

[Chris006]

Try to just talk sence to your cousin/friend. If that doesn't help ask advise from either her parents or siblings. But HEY I'm only suggesting here.🤷‍♀️

[Pejtu]

Nothing
Stop searching where you shouldn't have been

[Jackblue]

Have you tried recommending a therapist for her to see?

[Meditatingsquirrel79]

Talk to her to get out of this relationship. No matter what, This guy is going to be "I'll change. No more abusive." He won't change. Get her out from Mr. Dumb-Ass.