Why is she still on my mind? HELP?

I had a horrible friendship breakup with my best friend MONTHS ago. And we’ve had a rocky friendship ever since she moved a town away. She said at some point that we couldn’t be best friends anymore and I (like a stupid ass) begged her to still be my friend because she meant a lot to me. She never gave a real reason why we couldn’t be best friends.

Then 3 months before our actual breakup I told her I felt like she was being a neglecting friend, I felt like she was putting this barrier between us. I was trying hard to be her best friend again because I really loved her. And she thought I cutting ties with her and confessed that the real reason she couldn’t be my best friend was because she “use” to have feelings for me and that it was already hard enough to be my friend. She told me sometimes she wished she could just cut me off and she wished she didn’t use to like me. (Note: She herself knew she was straight before she started to like me and I know she was. And I’m straight). Moving forward: then we ended the friendship 3 months later and the way we ended it was absolutely HORRIBLE. It ended in flames.

Recently I’ve been dreaming of her a lot. The weirdest part is that the dreams I had these past 2 days were about her and we got very intimate. The 1st dream we were just cuddling ( I didn’t mind) and she went in for a kiss and I tried dodging it but failed. The 2nd dream was WAY MORE intimate. The weird part is I don’t know why I didn’t reject the intimacy. I was actually into it. Usually the dreams I have of her are her being in the same room as me and making me uncomfortable and just upset with her presence. Why is she still on my mind day/nighttime? It’s been months. Why did I have these 2 intimate dreams of her? I thought I was straight. (I’ve been my whole life)
Why is she still on my mind? HELP?
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