Why do people chase after people who don't want a relationship? why don't you just accept you want diff things

fear of commitment afraid of being hurt difficulty trusting- call it what you will. but of you want a relationship & they do not, then not only do they not want one but you two are bot compatible. its like you have completely different ways of dealing with reality. you dive in they avoid. so leave them alone. don't be mad, just recognize your differences & find a diver. Would you go diving with someone who liked to swim & get mad when they didn't want to jump- no that would be absurd. & it doesn't matter if you are waiting for so long. people can FEEL when you want something- its emotions they respond to in intimacy- not words. So it will still feel like jumping even if you feel to them ,like nothing is moving forward or you're being patient etc.

I'm not asking if you think they'll give in or come around, I'm asking why you don't leave them alone to be comfortable by themselves- maybe they will not be as comfortable as they think. As long as people who are 'not ready' have people hanging around just in case -they never have to be ready.. or realize they didn't want to be alone all the time. I think its respectful to yourself & them to take them seriously. Someone snt ready leave them alone find someone who is -IF that's what YOU want. Or just enjoy time to do w/e you want.

bottom line. people who WANT a relationship should be with people who WANT a relationship. people who dot should have their own space. why force something that demeans everyone involved( because of the conflicting preference- making it seem as if one or the other is flawed? its just different not flawed & it isn't something you can argue your way into or out of. feelings are just that. you can't be right or wrong- just you.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't f*** around like that at all, a womens lifestyle before she meets me tells me what she's good for in life and what she wants if she can be trusted if she's putting on an act I don't fall for words


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What Guys Said 2

  • i don't think anyone is trying to force something...i think that knowing what you is a good thing, some people dont...but I also feel that your getting confused here, see some people like a chase...that person doesn't want a relationship with them, well why not? can I change their mind, there has to be something I can do...those types of questions come into play...i think you have to be mature about a situation and understand what's going on...also (moreso with girls) people like attention...when you get the attention you don't want it but when you don't get it you want it...it seems dumb right? well it is, people need to mature and grow up and stop playing games...i agree with you when you say if someone wants one then love will find you, if they don't then leave them be...see its the immature people who are about the chase, they don't realize that love finds you, you shouldn't have to find love...

    just my opinion and insight on what I feel you were trying to say...

    • "i don't think anyone is trying to force something...i think that knowing what you is a good thing, some people dont... see some people like a chase."

      I realize people like to play games. This question is both for people who play games &think it IS reasonable. Then for people who are a bit delusional & think there has to be a reason someone does not want to be with them.

      Overall point is -you don't change crazy with crazy.

      Many people ask Q like: Why won't she/he change,commit, love me, etc

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    • "... asking why won't he love me now basically w/o saying it...at least that's what I got out of this, ... you alone, well now he is...just sayin :P"

      ? I'm not sure what you mean but my Q was not for me. it is a result of hearing people saying things like- why won't he / she love me. why won't he she change ? why won't he she be with me. etc. i

      specifically made for people who really think that a person must want them- HAS to want be theirs.

      just saying- no. you can't MAke them&y would you want to?

    • just an FYI I commented back to this question thinking it was a different one lol my bad

  • It's so tempting to try and 'save' or 'turn on' someone who won't respond. I'm still tempted to do that at times.

    • This post was to people who are constantly complaining that so & so won't commit but they'd be so perfect if they'd just relinquish .. ohh idk- their entire personality.

    • - Sorry I meant that for downstairs.

      So in response to your Q- why? why is it tempting. Why would you want to change someone. just let them be & find someone you are compatible with. You can not really change a person , you can be around be supportive for them, as they change but the change is theirs. if you do it its likely to be short lived.

What Girls Said 1

  • I completely get you! I as well (like the gentleman above) am inclined to WANT to change that situation, however tempted I am I don't. It is what it is and you have to be clear on what you want from the beginning. That way you know what you're getting into. I don't want to waste my time or anyone elses..

    • Wonderful.. thanks for being rational :)