Whose really at fault when their partner cheats on them?

Question

Updates:

1 y

Check out the saucy follow up to this question by @Cynicaldreamer

Who is more to blame: the cheater or the person they had an affair with? ↗

1 y

Okay so my hot take on this is simple. We can all sit here on the internet and say all the right things ... and say just leave, break up, etc etc.

Just know in real life... relationships are messy, complex and convoluted.

One thing is for sure ------------------cheating is always a choice never an accident.

Answer 1

NYCstreetPhotog | 74 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Having been cheated more than once, I would kneejerk answer the cheater, but in retrospect of my life, I find the lines can get blurred.

The first time, I was young and niave, what I thought was love, was merely a game she played, of which I hadn't been informed of the rules until it was too late. All told she cheated on me with 7 men and even suckered me into thinking she was having my child. In this instance anyone could easily say it was her fault, she was to blame, but I am to blame as well. I facilitated it, and I put myself into that situation, whether knowingly or not.

The last time I was older, and I thought wiser. I tried to be the rock, tried to be the one that would fight for our love, but while i was fighting I was blinded by fears and ultimately, my fears manifested themselves and the love was lost. At the time of the break-up she assured me she never slept with the guy, they had only been flirting and talking, and I have no reason not to trust her word on that.

I looked back on our relationship, back to when she said she started talking to this guy, and I started to see where I had done her wrong, where my actions pushed her away and into the arms of another man.

I'm not saying she is without fault, but I can easily see how I am too, and perhaps to a greater degree.

coachTanthony

1 y
I think stories like this are more common than people think. Most comments here say "just leave" then go cheat and it really just doesn't seem to resonate like that in the "real world." The real world is messy and convoluted.

Appreciated you sharing your story!

Answer 2

coachTanthony

I think stories like this are more common than people think. Most comments here say "just leave" then go cheat and it really just doesn't seem to resonate like that in the "real world." The real world is messy and convoluted.

Appreciated you sharing your story!

Answer 3

Corerue

Xper 5

The cheater primarily. They gave themselves a reason to selfishly inflict a fatal blow to the relationship. Instead of fixing what was wrong with it.

The SO has some blame because sometimes we do get hard headed. Refuse to listen and give the cheater those terrible reasons to seek intimacy elsewhere.

Now if the Chester's new toy is a close friend. Then shame on them for taking advantage of the situation. Because it's wrong on all accounts.

But again. The Cheater has the most blame.

If a relationship sucks, fix it or get out.
Marriage sucks? Same answer.
But making a choice to cheat, while in a relationship has no argument that will convince me they had a GOOD reason for it.

Answer 4

Cynicaldreamer | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

The one who cheated of course!
I'm about to get on a soapbox; y'all know how I feel about cheaters 😡

It's the cheater's fault for not voicing his or her concerns about why they weren't happy with the relationship.

If they DID try to discuss things, but the other person didn't listen or change? Guess what... you LEAVE them. Not stick around so you can sneak around like a snake.

I don't care how bad your partner is, they've changed or you're no longer attracted to them, they mistreated you, denied you sex...

As long you as you're with said partner, until you physically leave that person, anything you do with another person is cheating.

And for those saying, "What about the one that slept with the cheater? Aren't they to blame too?" Yes.
However, it's STILL the cheater's fault. S/he could have stopped the cheating from ever starting just by saying they're in a relationship.

coachTanthony

1 y
"What about the one that slept with the cheater? Aren't they to blame too?"

Great question.. you should do a poll question on that?
Cynicaldreamer

1 y
🤔 Do I need to ask that? Keep things interesting on here perhaps...

But I would be interested to hear peoples perspectives on that
coachTanthony

1 y
I think if you ask it right it could be really "juicy" LOL
Show All Show Less
coachTanthony

1 y
I will link it in an update on this question.

Tag Team, back again
Check it to wreck it, let's begin
Party on, party people, let me hear some noise

Oh yeah ha ha ha
Cynicaldreamer

1 y
Such a bad influence. See, this is why you're not getting any chocolate

Well I know what I'm asking when I get off work this evening- stay tuned for the fun!
coachTanthony

1 y
YASSSSS!
Cynicaldreamer

1 y
Tag! You're it...
Got me stirring up trouble this late at night. Now I need to go get a bowl of ice cream ready
coachTanthony

1 y
Ha Ha Ha I have a bourbon over ice

Answer 5

coachTanthony

"What about the one that slept with the cheater? Aren't they to blame too?"

Great question.. you should do a poll question on that?

Answer 6

Cynicaldreamer

🤔 Do I need to ask that? Keep things interesting on here perhaps...

But I would be interested to hear peoples perspectives on that

Answer 7

coachTanthony

I think if you ask it right it could be really "juicy" LOL

Answer 8

coachTanthony

I will link it in an update on this question.

Tag Team, back again
Check it to wreck it, let's begin
Party on, party people, let me hear some noise

Oh yeah ha ha ha

Answer 9

Cynicaldreamer

Such a bad influence. See, this is why you're not getting any chocolate

Well I know what I'm asking when I get off work this evening- stay tuned for the fun!

Answer 10

coachTanthony

YASSSSS!

Answer 11

Cynicaldreamer

Tag! You're it...
Got me stirring up trouble this late at night. Now I need to go get a bowl of ice cream ready

Answer 12

coachTanthony

Ha Ha Ha I have a bourbon over ice

Answer 13

sejla | 669 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

The cheater. It's a choice. They can leave the relationship or address issues within the marriage if it is not working.

The only outs I will give someone is if the one partner wants a divorce or to leave the marriage and the other person does not agree to the dissolving of the marriage. This happens in some countries where women can not leave a marriage without a husband's permission.

Or in the case when one partner is mentally impaired to the point where they can no longer be a partner like a catastrophic brain injury, dementia, etc. They should still continue caring for their partner but I understand that some people get lonely if this goes on for years and years.

sejla

1 y
I stand by my break up over cheating. Life it too short for me to be with someone who is not as loyal as me. I know I have will power so I expect the same. If the other person can't do it then just tell me and we can't part well without the betrayal and no harm done.

Answer 14

sejla

I stand by my break up over cheating. Life it too short for me to be with someone who is not as loyal as me. I know I have will power so I expect the same. If the other person can't do it then just tell me and we can't part well without the betrayal and no harm done.

Answer 15

NickiB

Yoda

Cheater duh. He was too weak to resist his urges.

Answer 16

worldscolide | 1.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

The one that chose to cheat. End of story.

worldscolide

1 y
And the person they cheated with..

Answer 17

worldscolide

And the person they cheated with..

Answer 18

hassysheri

Xper 1

The man because for ladies if they love the mean it

Dawitbel7

1 y
That is a horrendous generalization
hassysheri

1 y
Ok it's the man coz me if I love I mean
Dawitbel7

1 y
That's only for you then not for the "ladies"

Answer 19

Dawitbel7

That is a horrendous generalization

Answer 20

hassysheri

Ok it's the man coz me if I love I mean

Answer 21

Dawitbel7

That's only for you then not for the "ladies"

Answer 22

Alpha09 | 125 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

The cheater. They made the choice to do it.

KingZee

1 y
I think it's always the woman's fault
Alpha09

1 y
With that username I'm not at all surprised.
KingZee

1 y
You could talk "alpha" 😝 rather dominant username you have yourself
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thenewgirlll

1 y
Don’t mind him. He is a troll.
Alpha09

1 y
Ik they are incredibly entertaining lol
KingZee

1 y
@thenewgirlll not trolling teasing lol