It's only confusing if parents have different last names, I think it does not matter much whose the pair takes, I think it makes sense to chose the best one cause you know, plenty of lame last names out there.
Are you married? Did your husband take your name?
Anyhow, Its really up to the individual...
I am not married but if I were to marry my current boyfriend then I would much prefer he take my last name as it is just better than his, he has been complaining about it being bad himself and said it made his childhood harder. And honestly it would just be a pain for me as I already have an unconventional first name.
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Does that have to do with the last name and it's heritage itself or just the opinion that changing to wife's last name "emasculates" a man?
Oh most definitely the last name and it's heritage. It's part of my identity. It's got nothing to do with feeling 'emasculated'. It's more about my last name being a part of my identity which (because of a tradition which you're right to challenge) I've never even considered changing. Upon consideration, I concluded that no way in hell would I ever change it. :)
So that there is an indication that they are a family and avoid misunderstandings when they have kids.
Eh I don't know I have kids and even my 5 year old understands that my name is different and that we are still a family unit
For a long time I had a different surname from my mother and it caused her unnecessary trouble having to prove to everyone that I am her kid. And I would hate debating whose last name to give to the kid either way.
That has never once happened to me. No one ever questions that we have different names. I litterally have to show ID everyday to pick up my son from school and all the 20 teachers there have figured out that I was his mom without even comparing our names
Dunno, my mum always carried my birth certificate with her name on it to prove it. I guess not for school but for more formal stuff.
Same goes to your sons grandchildren meeting and falling in love with the mother's side of the family without knowing so I think the risk is either way equal.
True, but still. I'm not sure I would do it. Just for the sake of it
That's what it used to be but nowadays in the developed world it is not that anymore and the husband does not hold ownership of his wife.
No, but that is what the ceremony represents and that is why the woman traditionally lost her surname. Traditional marriage was not about love, either, it was about strategic familial alliances, which also holds far less important in today's society.I don't think either partner should change their name for marriage, even if just for practicality reasons: 40% of American marriages are remarriages, so all those name changes can get complicated: www.pewresearch.org/.../
Or left it the way it is...
I want her take my last name even if she keeps her own. If she really wanted me to take hers too then I guess we could both hyphenate.
What was her reason for refusal?
My wife is conservative, so she's more traditional.
I sure hope you have a decent last name then.
A double last name is a pain.
Well my last name is only 4 letters. I might consider if her is 3 :P
I generally like short last names but not the one my boyfriend has 😂
How bad is it? LOL
Pretty bad, not like it means anything bad but it sure is weird and hard to pronounce so you always have to spell it to everyone and when I imagine that plus the fact that I have an unconventional name already so that everyone I meet look weirdly at me making sure they heard that right... yeah not a combination I desire.
Lol that would be funny, no changes needed 😅
Why is that important to you? Was he a great person you look up to?
Our family name isn’t really popular. I want to continue the legacy.
Good luck then.
Would you be against it if she wanted your kid to have her last name?
Because times have changed and many people do not feel compelled to take up a lame last name just because of a tradition steming from the time when women were property.
That true but you did know his last name when you statyed dating him
Lol yeah right I should just reject a guy cause of his last name, seriously dude.
So what is your answer exactly?
We both hyphenating our names, especially since you added kids to the mix. LOL
If you don't take my last name you can forget the wedding... not that I will ever get married again anyway.
Agree to disagree on this one as your opinion is full of misogyny :)
Hey if you want a man you can totally dominate, have at it. You will end up hating him and cheating on him and blaming him for it.
I don't see what either of your arguments have to do with just logically choosing the best last name of the two without pertaining to the misogynystic tradition of ownership transfer which this historically has been about.
Yes it is legal and what problems do you think it could cause?
I've always thought it was customary for the wife to take her husbands last name, or to keep her own last name, but never for a husband to take his wife's last name. Besides, everything prior to the marriage for him would be in his own name. I've literally never heard of such a thing.
That's a valid reason yes.
What do you mean? Changing last names all the time?
Only she would know and understand what i mean by that
Exactly how does that emasculate anyone?
Guys will laugh at him. Even women will know he is not a man. He is feminized.
@Jersey2 Well then I guess the best thing to do is to not keep people with such misogynystic narrow views in your circle. There is nothing embarassing in logically choosing the best last name and not following a tradition that essentially represents transfer of ownership of a woman. 😉
Well then, most people will think that way. Even other women want a man, not some pantywaist. Say what you will, people will laugh, laugh behind your back or laugh to themselves. If you take his name, no one bats any eye. He takes your name and he is a bitch. That’s just the way it is.
Glad I don't associate with people who make such a fuss over a last name lol, some people reallyy should learn to mind their own business
What happens when your kids get married? Do they end up with a super-retard name with four parts? Idiotic.
@KrakenAttackin True that, that is why I think the most logical way is to just choose the best one and both go with it, or not change either as you know, divorce rates are high.
@KrakenAttackin Well, 🤷🏻♂️. Who cares man. In that case I'll just follow tradition and keep my last name. However, hyphenated is fine to me. Let the names grow.
Why is that, is your last name so good?
Hope you have a great last name then.
My last name comes from a history of Spanish Royal knights, so yes.
But its not about the how cool a last name is. Its about what's right. I'm not joining her family, she is joining mine. Plain and simple as that.
Oh are you looking for a housewife? It is rare to see young men who wish to be the sole breawinners.
Nope. Just looking for an ethically correct and traditional woman. Tradition is tradition for reason. Because its good and it works. The girl in my life needs to be independent and have her own job. But I'm still the man. She joins me and she follows my lead. I don lt follow. Im a leader and protector and provider. I'm strong, I'm capable, and I can protect and provide, both physically and emotionally. No woman can or should do that for a real man. A real man doesn't need tonbe led or protected by a woman. That's a man's job. So she will take my name and follow me, as I guid us, keeping her hopes and dreams and wishes alive. Thats part of being a man... providing hope for your spouse's future and keeping her dreams and hopes alive and suporting her in all her endeavours.Again, she joins me. I'm not a follower. I'm a leader. Woman can be strong in their own way, but the way of a woman's strength, is not the same as a man's strength. We both have our strengths and weaknesses.
That sure is a very traditional view and I hope you manage to succeed in that feat. But I must disagree that something being tradition somehow equates it to being good, there are plenty of traditions we have dropped because we understood they are not useful or good. Can't argue of this one working or not cause it's just a last name and does not affect ones life too much but the tradition itself is a symbol for passing ownership of the woman from her father to her husband. I personally do not see marriage as "joining his family" but rather "joining families", it seems a tad hypocritical that you are such a traditionalist in everything except providing for your wife. But oh well, to each their own.
I'm still a traditionalist in the sense of providing for me wife. But I'm also caring in the sense that I want her to feel valued and like she is a strong and independent person without me, but yet chooses to have me. I've always been a provider and if my wife wanted to wuit her job to focus on kids or anything else, I would support that. And yes, its a joining of families, but its giving up your name at the same time. My families tree will continue with me and her and hers will be continued by the sons/brothers of hers.
So my question focuses on whether giving up names is of any importance nowadays and that in my opinion doesn't really matter whether a couple even gives up their own names and that if it makes sense in the appropriate situation it should be ok to take the wife's name instead. Like you said - you have a wish to continue your family surname on your family tree. That is understandable and the right path for you, but not everyone shares the same sentiments.
Of course not. We come from a variety of different backgrounds. What others do is their business. Im just telling you my background. Do what you want and good luck