Is it wrong of me to ask my boyfriend to show me the conversations he has with a girl he had a history with when he tried to hide it from me?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t snoop through my boyfriend’s phone without his permission. But I honestly feel like I can’t believe what he says because he’s lied to me and broke my trust. He’s recently started talking to a girl he slept with while were on a break, she doesn’t even qualify as an ex. He never wanted to date her and he made that clear. Yet she wanted a relationship with him and was very childish when she found out we were getting back together. I don’t mind if they’re just civil friends, but it does make me uncomfortable to think of them being too close and I don’t believe that’s just jealousy and insecurity talking. I believe if he’s in a committed relationship with me, there should be boundaries between them.

I asked him some time ago if they were talking again, and he lied to me. Then a week later I brought it up saying how uncomfortable it made me felt, and that’s when he decided to tell me. I was hurt. I have been cheated on before, and my ex used text to cheat. So I do have trust issues, but at the same time my current boyfriend is displaying the same behavior my ex did when he started cheating on me and I just can’t ignore it.

I asked if he could show me the texts to clarify there’s nothing going on, and he told me it was an invasion of privacy. But he broke my trust and our relationship is on the fence now. So he told me he’d think about it. I’m so confused, if he has nothing to hide then why would he not want to just show me and things could get back on track. But if he chooses to keep hiding things from me then obviously this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

So is it really controlling of me to ask for the texts? If so, what are some other options for us to work through this?

Yes, it’s wrong.

Vote A

No, it’s justified.

Vote B

Updates:

[SteveSmith1985]

Hi, In light of everything you've said here, I think you're justified. Especially because he lied to you about talking to this girl. That means as you said, he can't be trusted. If it were innocent, why did he lie? It's this, which justifies an otherwise inappropriate 'invasion of privacy'. He lost his right to privacy when he lied about the conversation even happening. No shit you'd like to see what this denied conversation was about. You're in the right on this.

[Bad_Man55]

Nothing wrong with that. He is hiding things and feelings for her obviously. There is very little reason that exs would continue to talk regularly and maintain a semblance of a form of relationship other than there are feelings and desire still lingering

[peacchyy]

It's not controlling at all. It'd be unreasonable for him not to show you since you have probable cause. He's hiding something, and he just wants to make you feel controlling or invasive so he doesn't get caught.

[esotericstory]

Simply respect his privacy.