Society tells us that jealousy and possessiveness are unhealthy - then why many people find them hot in a relationship?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Updates:

[sagevalentineee]

Since when was society an accurate depiction of human desires and emotions? Never! 50 years ago society dictates that women have no interest in sex... is that an accurate reflection of my feelings? No!

I think a certain amount of protectiveness and possessiveness can show how you feel about a person. I do not like other girls hitting on my boyfriend, because he's mine, why can't I admit that? I don't want to control him, I don't need to check his phone, I don't need to know where he is all the time... but it does rile me when there are other girls acting so suggestively around him. He thinks it's hot that I'm a bit territorial, I don't see anything unsustainable or dangerous about it. It's only happened once in a whole year of being together and we thought it was hilarious. I also don't at all mine him acting the same. My boyfriend doesn't like it when I go out late at night for a party and he's not there because he's worried about me getting unwanted attention... yeah it's a little possessive, but it just shows that he cares. It's not like he won't let me go out, it's more like I have to call him to let him know I'm fine. No big deal.

[PinkMichae]

They only see it as hot until it gets ugly.

Example:

A girl is getting hit on and her boyfriend comes over, gets in the guys face, and tells him to back off instead of just letting her handle it. The girl in a way feels protected and thinks it's hot because he must really love her.

But later it starts turning into him questioning why his friend saw her talking with another guy and getting upset with her despite it just being a friend. So now she has to worry with anybody that's male talking to her.

Next he starts accusing her of lusting over other guys because she looked in there direction. She finds herself defending herself more and more when she's not doing anything wrong.

So she realized the jealousy she thought was so hot was him not trusting her.

After dealing with a jealous and possessive man I can say what I find hot, is a man that trust me and is confident in himself.

[Finchie40]

Some insecurity and jealousy is a good thing but if it is too much then it is a turn off A little bit of jealousy and insecurity let’s your partner know that you still love them and want them for yourself When you are over jealous and insecure it usually means you don’t trust your partner let alone trust yourself , usually someone that is overly jealous and insecure is the one that is cheating they start blaming you for their actions and justify themselves for being a piece of shit cheater. My ex accused me of cheating all the time to find out she was the one cheating. The fact of it is , you can’t be happy in a relationship if you struggle from insecurity and jealousy When you look at love from a different way you will set yourself free and be happy , always remember you can’t force someone to love you all you can do is guide them by treating them the same way you want to be treated , if they choose to walk away let them go , value your self worth

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well the feelings themselves are natural and normal, its only when, like with every other emotion, they get out of control that it becomes an issue. As for why they like it, well that's simple its because it means that the person who is jealous and possessive is invested and still interested in you so its an indicator of attachment.

[AmandaYVR]

I guess because if these things are in small doses (very small, manageable doses) it indicates the person cares.
But of course too much is just a hot mess of trouble.

[devilish-cutie]

its hot to the certain degree

being possesive and considering your partner exclusively yours is nice as possesing anything else you desire but if you are controling to your partner than its unhealty

if you are jaelous cause other people hit on your partner its fine cause you care for them and dont want others to push their romance onto your partner or disrespect your relationship but its not fine if you dont allow your partner to talk to anyone they want to or you are jaelous on any interaction they make or connections they have with thair friends and family

[PrimalInstinct]

Society says it's unhealthy because, to a degree, it is.

In normal healthy relationships jealousy (from insecurity & trust issues) & possessiveness (a sense of entitlement) exists to a far lesser degree than in less-healthy relationships where the up-and-down emotions makes the possession (aka person) feel special about themselves.

The latter is typical of narcissistic partnerships where the victimized person wants to feel special & the jealous/petty/possessive narcissist plays the part by pretending that the victim is special. A literal go away gals & guys this person is *my toy* not yours.

[DanaeAdam5]

I mean... it depents on the relationship.

Also jealousy isn't "hot", It's mostly a compliment and a boost of confidence for most people.

Possessiveness on the other hand can be found hot for a lot of reasons, like if your partner is into dominant submissive shit, or bdsm then except if the possessiveness is in an extreme level then it's consider sexy af.

I say society need too start understanding wtf are today's standards, kinks and types of relationships and then criticize them
And yes as long as possessiveness and jealousy are in normal levels then IT IS hot 👍

[Anonymous]

they are mentality retarded. I don't find it is hot after ever being possessive. previous guy, he pushed me away so bad. i felt so hurt. the more he pushed me away, I became more possessive and jealousy. however, after a few months, I started to move on and I found much better guy who good at controlling my behaviour. I no longer being possessive and jealousy because he doesn't made me insecure even though he's good looking. he knows how to not get too close to other people (girls). and also he's not attention seeker in social media either. i feel so grateful to have him ❤️ elder guys are much better than guys who's same age as mine

[Moonchild714]

Unhealthy people think Jealousy & Possessiveness is Hot in a Relationship, they think it proves how much someone loves them. A littke Jealousy is fine and can be healthy. But Jealiusy and Possessiveness combined is very Dangerous!!! Jealousy to Excess which is common is Unhealthy and Possessiveness is always Excessive.

[Vencam]

I think it has to do with how seeing someone do crazy things for us inflates our ego. Like "am I THAT important?"
Also, some (very few I think and hope) people think that if you're NOT jelouse then you don't care about them and act purposefully jealous

[miMichael]

I think only people uncertain of their other half find it hot, it's like a meter of how much their are loved/wanted to them, I would often get really jelaous of my ex-girlfriend, I wanted to show them how much I love them, that I'm scared I'll be lose them and at the same time, wished she would get jealous of me to be assured of her feelings, and it got me to my today, miserable state.

[hardtolove]

I take jealousy and possessiveness to be a BAD bargain for some hot moments.

You feel lost after a while, arguments lead to bad fights and with time the hotness goes away and those two remain.

There are other ways to have intimate relationships with your partner.

Cheers🥃

[On_cloud_wine]

Wow... I didn’t really know or care to look into the statistics but in the beginning of getting to know someone, I admit, I think it’s kinda hott... it lets me know they show interest when they tried so hard to hide it.

[ZackBan]

"Society" is the worst thing that ever happened to this world.

Who decided if it's hot or not. I think it's up to ever person to either see it as hot or toxic based on their ideas and experiences.

[saggittarius039112]

I dont find these traits attractive. Granted they come with pretty much everyone however, over time if trust isn't there and those traits dont go away then it simply won't work.

[NineBreaker]

Feeling jealousy is uncomfortable, but natural, just like sadness, anger, and fear. The problem is when it goes overboard, or is addressed in an unhealthy way when experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anyone driven by a dominant ego will find them attractive. Anyone with a less dominant ego, and who is driven by the true self, will see through it, and possibly find it less attractive, or even a redflag.

[happyscrappyheropup]

In the absence of displays of affection otherwise, they can be reassuring and validating... to a point.

[Unit1]

Stockholm Syndrome

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

[Laozi]

Think them as salt. A little bit of salt is fine in meal, but if you add too much, it'll ruin the taste.

[PurpleStorm]

People find a lot of unhealthy things hot. Not everyone is well adjusted.

[rienna888]

they're not, it can be cute only if u like the person as much as they like you. Society always makes up stupid sht like how, girls are sluts with they sleep with alotta men

[BeingSingleBlows]

Because we like to see how much the other person wants us all to themselves. If it's a "you better not be seeing someone else" with attitude behind it, you know you matter and deeply wanted.