Can a person be too nice? What does that even mean to you?

[Obtuse]

I went with "yes" but "too nice" is a very crude and inaccurate way to describe it as I see it. It's usually combined with the absence of other traits as I see it, not an abundance of empathy and caring intentions.

For example, there might be an absence of sufficient assertiveness and be too agreeable. Someone who is lacking in assertiveness might fail to negotiate a fair price for their labor at a company and be exploited that way. A parent lacking it might inadvertently spoil their child and ruin their future by being "too nice". People who are highly agreeable also tend to be rather dull to talk to since they don't state their actual opinions very boldly.

Another possibility perhaps is not being able to take a hint. Someone who is "too nice" this way might be eager to offer aid to others who don't really need or want it. It helps to kind of understand the overall vibe and mood of the environment and people or, at the very least, not be too eager to help someone who might not want it.

These are just a couple of examples but the problem is generally not simply an abundance of good will. It's usually the absence of something else that makes someone appear "too nice".

[ZackBan]

Look most people hate themselves to a point they think they don't deserve to be treated well.
When you're too nice to someone he'll feel uncomfortable. Because then he'll be lacking and unable to return your extreme kindness. It's not a bad thing. Not something you should get rid of but try to balance how nice you are with a little bit of selfishness sometime you'll become the perfect personality.

[Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over]

I went to lunch with my too-nice cousin. She ordered a dish that did not say it had cream in it and the picture was not like what showed up. She explained in TMI the problem with cream and asked the waiter for another menu item but said she would pay for both since it was her fault because she just assumed it didn’t have cream in it because it didn’t say cream in the description or look like the picture. The waiter said no she didn’t have to pay for it but my cousin kept insisting it was her fault when it wasn’t, and that she’d pay. She was like a doormat taking the blame for something that was not her fault.

[Anonymous]

Well when someone says that you’re “too nice” they’re really saying you’re “not a threat to them in any way” and that you really have no “standards” and that makes you boring. I remember when I first met my current boyfriend he was “nice” and if turned me off a little. He gave me a compliment and I said “yeah but you say that because you’re nice”. He’s a smart person so he got the hint and I never saw him be “nice” again. He started showing me the side of him that I really became so attracted to and we’re still together and happy!

[aWes0MeNeSs]

To me, "too nice" is when you allow people to walk on you and use you as a doormat. It's important to have boundaries and be firm about them. You should definitely always be kind whenever you can, but not afraid to stand your ground, either.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I like nice girls, I even made a mytake on the subject on GaG.

My only thing would be that if I'm dating her exclusively, then she needs to be willing to tell other men to basically "fuck off" lol. I may trust her, but I don't trust other guys, it's a jungle out there. Some men target the nice sweet girls... coz they know she will have a harder time turning down their advances... or establishing an appropriate amount of distance.

But besides that, I think nice girls are treasures that should be protected in this harsh world. It takes a certain type of guy to step up to that task, and to not abuse her kindness or permissive nature.

She might not always set boundaries for herself, so the guy has to be extra sensitive to what those boundaries might be, and kinda just respect them as if she herself had laid them down. He also needs to be able to lead and make decisions and inspire her, because she'll often prefer the more passive role in the relationship. When he makes a decision it needs to be with her best interests in mind as well as his own.

[Anonymous]

I was once waiting in line at this cake shop to pick the mini cakes I ordered as take-out for my birthday.
The package was right there on the counter waiting for me, but there were people in front of me ordering and the lady was serving them, so I felt it was rude to interrupt the ones ordering just to say I'm X and I came for the cake. Plus I thought she was going to have to check my order.
So I decided to patiently wait for the two in front of me to order.
A girl came to order some things and asks if I'm in line, I said "yes, but I'll be just picking something, so won't be long".
She goes "that's very nice of you, maybe too nice"
She then tells the lady which was serving someone else, that "this guy is waiting to pick THAT package over there."

Maybe she saw me as weak for not having the "balls" to ask for the package and was immediately repulsed thinking I'm usually a push-over. Who knows.
But I don't care either, as I know I'm not a push-over, just that the whole context told me to patiently wait for my turn, instead of interrupting the lady who was already serving someone else.
Now thinking at your situation, it would help to think of some scenarios in which you were called "too nice".
Maybe it was a praise and not really a bad thing.
Also, if bfs left you for being too nice, then maybe that was because they thought you were boring in a way, maybe sexually or they expected some other type of character and they discovered something else.
In the end it's up to you to decide what you do with their "analysis", you either try to change yourself (if there are real reasons to do so) or try to find people that match the way you are or ones which understand you

[tony_baloney]

I've had crushed on women I viewed as "too good" for me. Not they were out of my league on a beauty scale, but the one I'm thinking of was very religious, just the sweeeeetest thing, didn't (and still doesnt) drink or do drugs, and is right now in her dream job she was shooting for all the way back in high school. I always felt that if I went after her, and it worked out for me, I might change the path of her whole life. I'm atheist, I drink occasionally, but I love me some weed, and have tried a lot of different drugs. I can be nice, but I have little in way of life goals and aspirations. I think I would have just been an anchor to her life, slowing or stopping her life in different ways. And I'd never want that, so I've never told her how I feel.

I guess that's not too nice... that's more like too good, but I can relate lol

[ShortCircuit]

I don't think it's possible to actually be "too nice". Rather, I think when people (negatively) interpret others as being "too nice", it isn't actually their kindness that they take issue with, but some other factor instead.

For instance, there are some people who make their entire lives about being kind, but lack the emotional intelligence to be kind *effectively*--so they just come off as annoying and cringy. It's like someone who sucks ass at basketball devoting their life to basketball.

And there are yet other people who do have the emotional intelligence to be effectively kind, but are so obsessed with it that kindness becomes their only defining character trait. So they just come off as boring and one-dimensional.

[AlexanderBrunnrgaard]

I don't know you personally nor your general behavior but being too nice means being a doormat. Gullible, a pushover. Someone who naively does nice things without cause, trusts too easily, and allows people to walk all over them, exploit them etc. Yes, there is such a thing as too nice, here in Sweden we have a word for it, "dumb-kind", someone who's basically a stranger to the notion of realism and though well meaning, do things frequently that only result in the opposite in the name of a fairy tale version of goodness.

[topur]

Maybe you're a person who's ready to give up on your desires for the sake of others. You see no need to fight over things, if someone else wants something then you're ready to be nice and let them have.

This is very altruistic, but let's take it to a love/dating situation. A guy might think that you lack of fighting means you're not that interested in him. Or that you'll not be able to fight for what he wants or your children want.

Another option is him thinking: "I want so many things in life and she's so free from things. I can never be like that. I'm so selfish." And eventually start looking for someone who is more like him..

I don't know, there might be other options..

[theRen]

It's definitely possible to be nice to a fault, it opens yourself to getting hurt and manipulated more when you're trying to hold up and ideal or standard. I'm sort of this way as well, I don't want to harbor ill will towards anyone and it's hard to let go of people when you find yourself getting hurt over and over again. I believe in giving people chances to change and the benefit of the doubt but with that you need to be aware of your own limits and how much your willing to give out to be nice and compassionate even when they might not "deserve" it.

[BirdFan360]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his days.

You can't help people to the point that they lose the ability to go on without you. Its call enabling, and if you do it, you're just as guilty as they are. It's not fair to you, or them. If someone is asking you for help, its ok to help them. BUT, if they ask for your help constantly on simple tasks that you KNOW they can do, you become their slave.

People can be nice, but some people will take advantage of those people to the point of breaking them. Don't allow yourself to be broken my selfish people. Be nice, but be firm. If someone asks you for help, ask them for help too. When they inevitably refuse, use that as ammo to refuse them in turn when they next ask.

Fairness is our armor, use it to prevent becoming a foot-stool doormat.

[JSmuve]

If a guy calls a girl "too nice" its because he'd feel bad for using her. What he's really saying is "you should be more of a bitch so I feel justified when I pump and dump you".

Conversely, when a girl calls a guy "too nice" its because she sees him as boring and a doormat who won't call her out on her shit. She wants a guy who has the confidence to stand up to her and put her back in her place when she misbehaves, but she obviously won't say it.

I think the guys and girls who are called "too nice" should get together. He won't try to use her and she won't act like a bitch. Sounds kinda nice.

[Stephfromsomewhere]

In my unprofessional opinion, i think less mature guys doesn't see you as too nice. They perhaps not stimulated mentally and could feel that they csn do what they want. On the other hand, they could not feel challenged and you are indeed too nice and they dont know hos to deal with it. There's some missing info i. e. do you give in on anything they ask? Do you find it acceptable when someone does a something terrible to you? If so, you may have deeper things to work through. It may be a fear of abandonment or potentially havinga low self sisteem. Apologies if you may tak offence. Im trying tl think of the options of 'why,'

[Regmorus]

Well someone who is TOO nice is to me someone, who doesn't have and doesn't voice own opinion like never or gives up anything she thinks in a matter of seconds,

or someone who shows care and attention to some extent that you can't endure it

or someone who is nice even if it hurts themselves, even if people treat them really bad they are still nice to them and don't make attempts to defend themselves or to go away

or actively trying to help everyone even if it is already irrational and hurts people or damages their lifes of those who are close to you (without intention on the side of the one)

So too nice is a real possibility to me.

[YHL6965]

It's not really being too nice per se, it's letting people violate your boundaries because you don't want to inconvenience someone. I don't think it's being too nice in a way because you could be doing the exact same thing and some people will respect your boundaries while some won't.

It's not a matter of how nice you are being, it's a matter of if the person is trying to violate your boundaries or not and if you are willing to protect your boundaries (which you should otherwise you are bound to burn out sooner or later).

Furthermore, if you let someone violate your boundaries, you are not being nice towards the only person that can provide you with happiness : YOU. Don't throw yourself under the bus like that, you are the only one that can provide you with happiness. Make sure to enforce your boundaries, preserve and be nice to yourself.

That said, that is just my point of view and it's not an objective truth.

[theCobbler]

Yes there is such a thing but, every time I've seen it, there were ulterior motives behind all the nicey nicey, ! Some were controlling, some were down right cutthroat Evil, one even kept trying to get pregnant, without tekking or asking me!

Looking at Your pic , I believe You are the one in a billion, that personifies the stigma! Blessings!

[bklynbadboy1]

No there's no such thing as too nice those guys are crazy. That's a really stupid thing to dump someone cause there too nice. I wish I had a woman in my life that was too nice. You can only be what you are keep doing you and eventually you'll find a guy that appreciates that

[Massageman]

Yes. We have a friend- a sweet, senior lady- who just can't seem to accept a favor just for the sake of accepting the favor. She MUST gush about it and has to "pay you back- in SOME way. To me, this is being too nice. In the time it takes to gently fend aside her "counter-offers", whatever little thing I was going to do for her could have already been done.

[RemoErdosain]

If you're so nice that you give room for people to think that they can walk right over you, yes, you're being too nice. Other than that, the only problem with people that "seem too nice" is that they're actually wolves in disguise

[Anonymous]

Too nice is like traditional nun (not movie or porn BS fantasy), you can stab her, but she will still be same to you, will forgive you and do anything for you, like dog that you are not able to shake off.

Not saying, that you have to be like bitch that always demands something out of you with nothing in return.

Just have a backbone, own purpose in life, not being puppy servant to some man. Nothing is your fault ( unless you done something wrong) and you own nothing to nobody, without previously verbally agreeing to it (not just in your mind).

[StarWax2]

I think you get classes as too nice when you are overly agreeable and don't outwardly share your own opinions.
Or challenge an idea if you disagree.
Or make your own desires known got example what activity to do or where to eat etc

[GraveDoll]

being too nice to me is saying no boundaries and that make you look at a person sideways honestly.

But it hard when your not a nice person either. Im cold and i'm get the third degree for it but never had a guy dump me for it.