Is he trying to push me away? OR is it just stress? Why can't things be clear?

So my boyfriend is off work for 2 months maybe more. Usually he is at work for 2 weeks and home for one. We were looking forward to this extra time together but in the past month there has been so many issues. We fight all the time over anything. Lately he had his car impounded. He sat at home for 3 days and didn't get out of bed, shower, or talk. When we had issues last year it was cause we were always together so this time I thought I would do things differently and go out with my friends and not bother him when he's out with his. But He suddenly didn't want to go out with his friends. We fight about everything, the past, the dog, what's for dinner and he usually starts it, pushing like he knows its going to start a fight. Because I don't want to fight, I just walk away, or change the subject. But when I walk away he throws a fit. Last night we fought about the dog. He hates it but it belongs to my son and we love it. He said I said he beat it. I never said anything like that, just he's hard on it and to just leave it alone. He wouldn't give up so I went and sat outside. When I came in he put his shoes on and left. I looked at the kitchen and he had thrown the dinner on the floor and so I cleaned the entire kitchen (bbq sauce everywhere) and then looked for the dog. He had put the dog in the toilet and shut the lid. So I had to wash the dog again. When I got the dog cleaned and my son in bed I took a shower. After that he called asking me to come pick him up. So I did. When he got home he acted like nothing was wrong or happened.

Anyway, this morning he tells me his mom is on her way to pick him up and take him to her place (2 hours away) to help fix the breaks on the truck and hot tub pump. He would be home Friday (its Monday) I said it would be a good thing. I then asked if it was just that and not that we have been fighting allot lately. He gives me this as an answer, and I quote "HOLY F*** Woman, Take it easy!" I just wanted to know if we were OK.

I don't get him. I know he is going nuts being off work for so long and not having much to do. I know his car being impounded is hard on him but its no reason to dump on me. Is he trying to push me away? OR is it just stress. Yes we have problems but this isn't the man I fell in love with. And when things are good he talks about the future, he's passionate and loving. He talks about marriage and babies. We have been together for 2 years and suddenly this happens.


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  • Relationships are a lot of work, but the work shouldn't outweight the benefits. There is a saying that for every 1 negative experience with your partner, that there should be 3 positive experiences.

    Both of you should be old enough and mature enough to understand what you require in a relationship to be happy. However, no matter how good the relationship is everyone gets depressed, or goes through hard times for days... weeks... sometimes years. If you are dedicated to the person, you will stand by them. In my experience men need space and time when they get into a funk. At the same time, they need to know you care about what they are going through, and that you are there if they need you. Going out with your friends while he is hurting (no matter how stupid the reason) is not a good way to show him you care. What I usually do it gently let him know you're there if he needs anything, and then go about your business in the next room. Simple gestures of kindness and appreciation go far with men AND women. Bring him coffee in the morning, let him know he is appreciated.

    Do avoid bringing up the fact that you are fighting a lot. It is the last thing he wants to hear. He will hear it as you telling him he isn't doing good enough and you aren't happy. Its difficult to get over depression when the one person who is supposed to be there for you is constantly nagging at you. Women and men need to learn to pick their fights. This may be him at his worst, but if you can pull help him pull himself out of his funk, your relationship will be 10x stronger than before.

    • Its not like I'm going out all night long. I went for coffee for an hour and then went to a scrap booking party that was booked for a month. Its happening more and more. If I'm around he says I'm always in his face, if I'm out, he gets moody. He hasn't lost his job, he's on leave. The car was going to die anyway so this worked out. He has no reason to act like this. My poor dog was thrown across the room on Saturday and stuck in the toilet the next day. He says mean things more and more

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    • There is one acception to the rule, and that is if he becomes abusive or begins to neglect his responsibilties such as work. If this happens, you leave out of safety for you and your son. You are not married to this man, and 2 years (although nothing to sneeze at) is barely enough time to really know someone. The puppy love phase may be passing, and he may not have the maturity to deal with 'old love'. Bringing a child into the mix is especially hard (and rarely talked about)

    • I have a relationship with a man with 2 children (not mine). The emotions that I feel about the situation are not ones that are socially acceptable, but things I think all stepparents tend to feel at one time or another. Your son loves the dog, he hates it. If there is no compromise (like keep the dog outside) then it won't work. Period.