I am looking for advice on getting back on your feet after a break up. Sorry for the essay?

farmerjohna
To me my direct family and my closest friends take priority over anything else. My family especially has had quite a rough ride the last few years. I met my ex over two years ago and she ended up moving in with me quite quickly (maybe after 3-4 months) after I fractured my spine. I had never met anyone like her. I felt like she completly understood me in ways no one else ever had and she often told me it was the best relationship she had ever been in. I mean she certainly had her flaws, she could be stubborn and spoke her mind too quickly but I don't offend easily and it never caused any issues with me. It was the happiest 2 years of my life. However she never quite clicked with my mum. For the first year maybe they got on OK, but then both started reading too much into things the other had said and slowly it became a big problem. The last 2 months of the relationship was just one constantly bitching about the other to me saying the other was trying to control me and they were manipulative etc. No one gave me an ultimatum but in the end I talked to my girlfriend, neither of us could see a way forward and we broke up. The first week I was sad but it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Then work got extreamly busy and lockdown here in the uk started. This was all round the end of March. Now it's August and some days/weeks I am fine but other I drop into a state where I lose motivation for anything, become increasingly pessimistic about everything and emotional as well.

I have never left a relationship where it has had such an impact on me for such a long time. I know I am far from being the only one who has ever gone through this but at the same time I feel so alone. Maybe it's a cliché but I really can't imagine meeting anyone who make me so happy again. I can feel myself getting worse and starting to get stuck in a rut and as much as I want to avoid it, at the same time I feel I am getting more self destructive and I just don't care.
I am looking for advice on getting back on your feet after a break up. Sorry for the essay?
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