What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I maintain a relationship?

Question

Unlike my friends, I have never actually dealt with a man on any level (as friends or as lovers) who didn’t express wanting a serious relationship with me as his main intention of talking to me. Somehow, despite being told repeatedly from multiple men that they sought a relationship with me, my love life just never works.

This is one guy. I really liked him a lot and then he stopped talking to me one day because he was “going through something”

This is a different guy. I thought I liked him but realized we weren’t compatible.

This is my first love. He broke my heart

Those are all screenshots from 3 different men. I don't know how in 2 years I have accumulated more “almost relationships” than actual ones. But they never actually go anywhere. The only one that was legit for a period was the one with the boy who said he “fucking loved me”. He had a funny way of showing it because he really broke me. And ever since then (but even before I met him) I have had trouble getting my relationships with people to actually GO anywhere despite the fact that every single man I have ever talked to, dated, or even texted has said (with no pressuring on my end) that their aim was to eventually get into a relationship. I don’t think I have ever been in any relationship that wasn’t totally pointless. I feel bad at my inability to have a lasting friendship even if it can’t be more than that. I want my attempts at building a bond with a guy to amount to SOMETHING- even if it’s just friendship. But instead, I just like them and then lose them completely. That’s where I differ from most of my friends. I can’t maintain a relationship on any level-even as friends. Whereas they can still text most of the guys they have been with just to say hi. I can’t do that. And I wonder constantly about what is wrong with me that nobody actually stays. Why can’t I maintain a relationship?

Updates:

1 y

I should add that most of my attempts to get to know most of the guys I have met in my life hadn’t actually developed into a “relationship”. I have only been in the one relationship with the boy above who said he loved me and that ended just as abruptly and without closure as if it were just as pointless as anything less committed.

1 y

*also these screenshots are from different times over the past few years. I have never talked to more than one guy at a time

Answer 1

iambae

Xper 5

You need to be Submissive and agreeable!!

Looks play a big part as well. Are you overweight?
How is your personality?

Men don't need convincing when they find something they want.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
I’m attractive enough that people always comment on it. I am understanding and agreeable. And my personality used to be better before I got heart broken. I am way more guarded now than I used to
be
Asker

1 y
*comment on how good I look
iambae

1 y
Have you ever been in a real relationship and do you have any kids?
Show All Show Less
Asker

1 y
I don’t have any kids and I have only been In one relationship that was official and the most serious I have ever been. It was different from the other stuff because I was having sex with him, spending a lot of time with him, planning for the future, I actually had very real feelings for him, I met his family and was a regular part of each other’s lives. But it wasn’t so serious that we had ever like lived together or anything. And it last just about a year
iambae

1 y
Let me ask you, why do you believe you are attracting these kinds of men? What do you want from these men? Do you clearly outline your desires and goals with them?
iambae

1 y
If I may ask what is your weight and dress size and height?
Asker

1 y
I honestly think right now I’m just worried about being alone. I want to get over my ex, I want to experience love again, I want more friends. It’s not anything more deep than that. And I don't know why I attract these men. Do you think you can maybe offer some insight? Bc I am a deep thinker and an over thinker but when it comes to romance I often don’t think too far into the future. I expect things to not go anywhere because they never do, so I don’t bother to think about what my life would look like with the men I meet lately. I just hope to like them enough to want something bigger. The only time I ever actually thought about my future with someone was when I was with my ex. And I thought about how to prepare for a family because I had a pregnancy scare and It made me consider if I could picture my life with him. And at the time, I could. I wanted to move in together, get married, plan trips and stuff... but I had a lot of stuff that needed my attention first like getting my first apartment was on my list of things that I wanted. Getting a car, a degree, a better job-all if that took the cake for most important things to do. I wanted to do things for myself that didn’t include him. But I STILL wanted him to be a part of my life and that was obvious. Rather, I actually suspected that he didn’t want me to be a part of his anymore. Which turned out to be true
Asker

1 y
I’m attractive if your wondering about my looks. I know it, I’m told it often, I even won an award for best looking. I’m thin, Im average height. But I don’t put too much stock into looks. I know they matter on some level but I don’t really see my looks as being anything that can “keep” a man. I definitely attract men because of my looks, and I have not been called unattractive since I was an awkward middle school kid. Ever since I became a teen, everywhere I go the first thing I’m told is “your so pretty.” I sometimes worry if maybe men conceal their real intentions just because I am attractive. I thought that maybe that had to do with why things don’t last since I won’t sleep with anybody. I haven’t had sex in like years. But these guys are good looking as well.
iambae

1 y
You have had such a hard time. I can perhaps help you screen men better. I believe things can change for you. You simply need to heal from the heartbreak. I believe you can have a meaningful relationship and marriage in the future.
iambae

1 y
Sex is a major point with men. Are you not having sex due to religious or spiritual reasons? I ask because once milk is "spoiled" it cannot be unspoiled.
Just from your statement you have lost about 96% of men in the dating pool.
Asker

1 y
No I’m not against sex. I haven’t felt sexually attracted to anybody in a long time though. And for the men who I was sexually attracted to I didn’t want to do it and regret it so I just didn’t do it
iambae

1 y
Let me ask you is anyone helping you screen these potential suitors or are you just left to your own devices?

It would be best to have your biological father's input in this if possible
Asker

1 y
I already did. He said they seemed like they had pure intentions and then once things went south he said “that’s how guys are.” And told me to basically tough it out. My close male friend also knows every intimate detail about the relationship with my ex and some of the story about another guy I dated. And as for my ex he said that he honestly felt like my ex genuinely loved me but that he was stupid or something. He said he couldn’t say for sure but that he felt that my ex was confused about his feelings for me and that it was just a strange situation. His insight was actually something I already suspected but it hurt because everyone around me thought he loved me. Even he said it in the text messages above. “i fucking love you.” But I guess he didn’t. It has really damaged my trust because now I feel kind of scared to even try again
iambae

1 y
It seems like these guys lacked maturity. I agree with your father. There are was to prevent this in the future. Be clear about what you want as well. So many just leave love to chance.
Asker

1 y
Your right. Thank you for the help. I often
Leave it to chance too. I’ll work at being more direct. Thank you again
iambae

1 y
If you ever need my help I'll assist you the best I can.

Answer 2

Asker

I’m attractive enough that people always comment on it. I am understanding and agreeable. And my personality used to be better before I got heart broken. I am way more guarded now than I used to
be

Answer 3

Asker

*comment on how good I look

Answer 4

iambae

Have you ever been in a real relationship and do you have any kids?

Answer 5

Asker

I don’t have any kids and I have only been In one relationship that was official and the most serious I have ever been. It was different from the other stuff because I was having sex with him, spending a lot of time with him, planning for the future, I actually had very real feelings for him, I met his family and was a regular part of each other’s lives. But it wasn’t so serious that we had ever like lived together or anything. And it last just about a year

Answer 6

iambae

Let me ask you, why do you believe you are attracting these kinds of men? What do you want from these men? Do you clearly outline your desires and goals with them?

Answer 7

iambae

If I may ask what is your weight and dress size and height?

Answer 8

Asker

I honestly think right now I’m just worried about being alone. I want to get over my ex, I want to experience love again, I want more friends. It’s not anything more deep than that. And I don't know why I attract these men. Do you think you can maybe offer some insight? Bc I am a deep thinker and an over thinker but when it comes to romance I often don’t think too far into the future. I expect things to not go anywhere because they never do, so I don’t bother to think about what my life would look like with the men I meet lately. I just hope to like them enough to want something bigger. The only time I ever actually thought about my future with someone was when I was with my ex. And I thought about how to prepare for a family because I had a pregnancy scare and It made me consider if I could picture my life with him. And at the time, I could. I wanted to move in together, get married, plan trips and stuff... but I had a lot of stuff that needed my attention first like getting my first apartment was on my list of things that I wanted. Getting a car, a degree, a better job-all if that took the cake for most important things to do. I wanted to do things for myself that didn’t include him. But I STILL wanted him to be a part of my life and that was obvious. Rather, I actually suspected that he didn’t want me to be a part of his anymore. Which turned out to be true

Answer 9

Asker

I’m attractive if your wondering about my looks. I know it, I’m told it often, I even won an award for best looking. I’m thin, Im average height. But I don’t put too much stock into looks. I know they matter on some level but I don’t really see my looks as being anything that can “keep” a man. I definitely attract men because of my looks, and I have not been called unattractive since I was an awkward middle school kid. Ever since I became a teen, everywhere I go the first thing I’m told is “your so pretty.” I sometimes worry if maybe men conceal their real intentions just because I am attractive. I thought that maybe that had to do with why things don’t last since I won’t sleep with anybody. I haven’t had sex in like years. But these guys are good looking as well.

Answer 10

iambae

You have had such a hard time. I can perhaps help you screen men better. I believe things can change for you. You simply need to heal from the heartbreak. I believe you can have a meaningful relationship and marriage in the future.

Answer 11

iambae

Sex is a major point with men. Are you not having sex due to religious or spiritual reasons? I ask because once milk is "spoiled" it cannot be unspoiled.
Just from your statement you have lost about 96% of men in the dating pool.

Answer 12

Asker

No I’m not against sex. I haven’t felt sexually attracted to anybody in a long time though. And for the men who I was sexually attracted to I didn’t want to do it and regret it so I just didn’t do it

Answer 13

iambae

Let me ask you is anyone helping you screen these potential suitors or are you just left to your own devices?

It would be best to have your biological father's input in this if possible

Answer 14

Asker

I already did. He said they seemed like they had pure intentions and then once things went south he said “that’s how guys are.” And told me to basically tough it out. My close male friend also knows every intimate detail about the relationship with my ex and some of the story about another guy I dated. And as for my ex he said that he honestly felt like my ex genuinely loved me but that he was stupid or something. He said he couldn’t say for sure but that he felt that my ex was confused about his feelings for me and that it was just a strange situation. His insight was actually something I already suspected but it hurt because everyone around me thought he loved me. Even he said it in the text messages above. “i fucking love you.” But I guess he didn’t. It has really damaged my trust because now I feel kind of scared to even try again

Answer 15

iambae

It seems like these guys lacked maturity. I agree with your father. There are was to prevent this in the future. Be clear about what you want as well. So many just leave love to chance.

Answer 16

Asker

Your right. Thank you for the help. I often
Leave it to chance too. I’ll work at being more direct. Thank you again

Answer 17

iambae

If you ever need my help I'll assist you the best I can.

Answer 18

Anonymous

Need more info, especially about your personality and character. Has there been any conflict in your relationships? If so, what was the nature of them?

What is your view of men in general?

What are your views on gender relations and gender roles?

React

Answer 19

Mithradath

Xper 3

What do you want? start planning children 3 months after dating? You must be decisive if you want that, this also works for dating, dating is like meeting new people, so you can be decisive about it.

React

What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I maintain a relationship?

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