How do I let go of the conditioning that I have to be by myself and be a lone wolf all the time?

Anonymous
Early on in life I learned that to survive it’s best to be alone. It minimizes pain and you won’t be betrayed and you always just depend on yourself.
Independence is great. The problem is that I also have a deep desire for connection and interdependence. So today, now that I’m aware of how I put walls up, I have tried to let them down.
Only to find out the people I want to let them down for are not safe and don’t realize my value. So they abandon me and here I am with walls again. But I say with forced fake pride to my friends that “I’m doing me” “I’m choosing myself” “I am focusing on me” “I prefer being independent” when I already know how to be alone, what will really free me is being vulnerable.
How do I let go of the conditioning that I have to be by myself and be a lone wolf all the time?
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